The Final Call

Heh.

2011-12-08T04:05:00.000-08:00

Hey beautiful. I was thinking about you. I really really wanna like you like before. I really wanna fall in love with you like before. But it just hurts. Why are we so close yet so far?

I miss you from before. I miss us.

Heh.

2011-09-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

This sucks. It just sucks. I mean, I stopped all my stupid flirtatious behavior for you but we're not even friends anymore. This just sucks. I miss you. I really miss the time we are together. You sound polite every time we're on the phone and I hate that. And speaking of which, we rarely speak now.

Troubles.

2011-09-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

When I say I could, I could, but when I said I want to, I'm not sure. When I say I wouldn't give up, I would not, but when I said I would, I'm not sure.

I need you in my arms tonight.

Shit.

2011-09-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

I wonder why sometimes I walk a thousand miles away just to turn back and run back to were I left. Why is it like that.

I would tremble if you touched my lips.

2011-09-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

Why? Why is it all revived. I just realize how much I fuckin' miss you. What is my life without you? What is it? I don't know. I'm glad you won't read this because I just don't want to lose you like I did before. I need you. It's a dreaded revival. I never knew how much I needed you again.

I realized how much I need to be around you. How much I need to hear you speak, see your smile. How much I needed to know you're still around. I just want to hold you. Quote from a song, "Would you dance if I asked you to dance? Would you run and never look back?"

I'm just morbidly sorry I couldn't salvage the heartache that you were left with. I am willing to once again, do anything for you. To save you with all the power I could muster. I could only wish.

I'm sorry.

Core.

2011-08-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

Hah. I love how nobody reads this blog anymore. It is my diary for real. Its been almost a year but the tenderness still lingers. I just hope it doesn't escalate to another heartbreak.

Turtle.

2011-08-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

You taught me how to love, and I will always, and always remember the lesson.

Hell

2010-09-16T04:15:00.001-07:00

Mood: I feel like fucking shit.

People say that parents will stand by you whatever you do. I'm pretty sure thats usually the case. How many of your parents ever thought of disowning you? I'm sure not many of you people had face this treatment before. What if your mother told you she doesn't want you as her child? Would you react the way I do - keeping quiet and let it slide. Hell she has to come through that gate every night. And the poignancy just slices my heart into two. I'm not sure if she is capable of compassion at all. Just because of cigarettes, she's ignoring me. Goodness me.

I understand that it isn't right to tell her I've stopped when I have yet to, completely, at least, but it is only to not get you angry and worked up. I have yet to actually buy any cigs at all. I usually get them from my friends. I don't know if its me but I opt to smoke whenever I need to study or write or do whatever scripting. I consider it a supplement rather than a form of addiction or habit. And do mark my words. I have yet to spend any dime on them.

And when ever something happens, I'll try to explain myself and all I get is sarcasm and everything else. I am not excusing myself or anything, but I'm telling you the truth and nothing else. I understand it's my fault all along and I am really trying very very hard to quit. It is a waste of money and I definitely don't want to waste any because as Steve had said, you are not earning much and you don't have enough for your own and therefore, I am seeking a job that I desperately am looking forward to have because I can ease your burden and have enough for myself, if not a little more to spare for the family so gramma won't pester you for money.

As to why I didn't respond to your very first text, I was out and my phone isn't a phone with the loudest speakers and the traffic simply overwhelms my ringtone. And having my wallet in the way, I can't feel the vibration, or simply I have too thick of skins.

I just hope you'll simmer down and hear me out, mom. Because all I have is you and all you have is me. Let's not do us both harm by letting go of the only things we have.

Alfie.

Finally!

2010-09-02T04:41:00.000-07:00

Mood: Relieved, enlightened!

I'm going to click on your blog and your facebook of the last time in my entire life. See, fate has sealed for everything and I think it's cool now. I no longer believe in faith and will never have it again, or as long as I don't have any targets in sight. I'm tired. Exhausted, in fact. I can't believe how stupid I am to think that it'll happen. I've been neglecting the signs of impossibility since day one but I don't care. I don't care at all anymore. I have my life to lead, I told my mother, and I need to find someone that loves me and not someone that I have to devote all my love and not get anything in return. Not even a simple goodbye, dear friend... I just need to wake up from my deep slumber.

See, time is ticking by me. It has been almost 5 months since I've started to have an affection for you. But it has to... No. It WILL end. This day forth. I'll love to have old life back. That was I had always been. A rake that knows no boundary. No rules, no bars held. I'm going to love it.

I've finally fallen asleep soundly every night and I'm loving it. Sleeping and waking up the next morning knowing I'll see you is still a drag but hell I'll live!

Until I can take it back, you'll temporarily have my love.

xoxo,

Alfie

Realisation.

2010-08-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

Mood: I've set my views straight.

Hello, people. I would love to thank James, who had spent a great deal of time with me listening to me whine. And don't you worry about it too much. You'll get your answer soon 'nuff.

Well, it was a great talk and I had a great deal of thinking in the showers just now... See, I was worried today. And scared. My feet and hands were cold this evening. I hate paranoia. But with love, paranoia is always there. I'll have to embrace it if I wish to continue loving, which I will.

Well, I've straighten things out and I was thinking about a lot of things. You've given up in love, I know. But I've came too far to give up now.

Dahlia, dear. As long as you're looking for that faith you had, I'll be waiting for you invitingly to my arms. Fear not, dearest. No matter how long it takes for me, no matter how far it is for me, I'll still be waiting. See, the nights I lay awake with my eyes glued to the ceiling, I'm thinking, I'm afraid, I'm deliberating. I wonder what should I do for you... if those things I do for you are worth it... If I should go on... I have the answer right here. I shouldn't. See, James was right. You're just torn between me and him. You'll need your time to choose. You're terribly distraught, I know. But do keep in mind that you have your choices, and choose them wisely, dear.

Sigh. I just got called hopeless and a goner by my aunt because I couldn't sleep. What the fuck is wrong with society. I fucking hate my life right now. How I wish I could end it. If it wasn't for my mother, I'd love to see y'all on my fucking funeral day. I love life, yes. But I've lose faith in life... Fuck this shit. I'm out. Fuck you, aunt. Fuck you, family.

Alfie.

Story time!

2010-08-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

Mood: Coffee coffee wootwoot!

See, I'm here on my blog again. It was like a short 1 day break before I pop by and starts to blog. I'm smelly and I need a shower. My hair's stiff from the hairspray and stuff. Boring day but had enjoyed reading on my void deck. Feel so mat ah! Lepak at void deck! But way more sophisticated, I daresay. I'm reading a book <--- read.

So how are you, Zelly? Well you are supposed to be studying and not slacking around! But as long as you had fun and stuff, I'm happy!

Well, tomorrow's work for you and stuff and I hope that you'll not tire yourself out. All the best!

Alfie,

xoxo

2010-08-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

Mood: am worried already.

Hello, Dahlia. 2nd post in a short time. I know you're living in a dilemma now and... I don't know what to do with you. You're telling me that you don't know but you can only know it for yourself. I cant help you dearest. I can only sit and watch you. I really don't want you to go back to him, really. You've suffered so much already. If my commitment will take you away from him, I would really swear and cross my heart to commit. Anything for you, dearest... Anything for you...

You can count on me for anything, really. Because for all I know, I am now a man capable of nothing but loving you... I am too nice to you, I know. But I can't help it. If I were any worst, you'll probably hate me already...

Take good care and clean your tears before the boogieman comes.

xoxo,

Alfie.

Hey

2010-08-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

Mood: Happy and havin' a blast!

Well, as many of my lovely friend knows, I'm starting a new life in Second Life. It may sound lame and stuff, people but trust me. You'll get the bug as soon as you start to get a foothold in the game! Beautiful avatars to admire (makes you wish you're like them!), amazing live sets that people play from around the globe. Jazz clubs for you to enjoy. Mmmhmm..

Nuff said! See, I'm here to blog because the beautiful but lets her insecure get the best of her, going by the nick of Dahlia and she's a girl that had figured out the switch somewhere deep in my heart that switches my mood from Happy to Sad, to depressed and over the moon. (It goes four ways because she definitely doesn't know where the angry and fucking pissed off switch is.)

See, sweetie you've been through SO much. And I was very sorry for the harsh words I've used when we were talking. I just want you to wake up. If I can't wake you up by shaking you gently, I would have to slap you across the face, right? Tofu, dearest you have to let go and let someone who cares and appreciate and loves you in. Let the bad vibes out and let the good ones in. Like chinese new year. Your mom sweeps the floor, and rids them from the dirt and allow all the good luck to come in. LOL! What a metaphor!

See, Dahlia, I understand how many guys are vying for you attention and I absolutely am fine with that because I know I'm the best! TEEHEE. Nah.. am actually very very scared, really. Am really scared, really. It is not that I cannot commit but I'm afraid that you can't. I don't want to wait another 3 years before we could be one because... It'll probably be too late. I'm insecured and you know that. I'm just scared. Because if I don't take your hand right now, I probably will never be able to.

WEH! NO DISTANCE AH! DON'T MAKE ME DEVELOP THE FEAR OF BLOGGING FOR YOU! Keep in mind that you are the world to me and will always be.

Twas fate that brought you to me, and it shall be fate that brings you closer. Every minute with you in my embrace is like a decade in heaven. Hugs and kisses, sweetie!

xoxo,

Alfie.

Oh?

2010-08-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired, and am asking myself many "what-ifs"

Hello, hello, one and all. It has come to the time that I will post something over here. See, I have been dedicating this blog to that special one and it has been a pleasurable one. I really do love her, you see and it pains me to have spent her poignant nights not beside her. Although we would be on the computer, it isn't at all enough. I feel incompetent. And I shan't deny that I feel that I probably shouldn't be me that is caring for you, but it should be someone else. But I'm so glad that you're reassuring me that you want me to care too. I'm really selfish so can I be the only one that is entitled to care for you? *pouts*

Hehehe! I know how much you miss me blogging and here it is. This is for you, Dahlia.

You have no idea how you've touched me, you know. I've never been so deeply and crazily in love before and you really have changed my life in such a drastic way that my friends don't even know who I am anymore. I hate the way I love you sometimes. I'm not getting as much attention as I had before with girls and stuff. You stole all my charm canisters away. How selfish! D:

And if you wish of my Facebook display picture to have nobody else besides you and I, take more pictures with me, okay? Your jealousy is comparable to mine so don't complain, okay? I know you enjoy me getting jealous over you and don't deny! Don't worry. Do you want my attention? I can give them all to you. you know. For you, I've taken away my mask already.

See, you've taught me how to dance, really (Not literally because, I daresay, am a way better dancer than you are when it comes to waltz.) . How to love another unconditionally, how to embrace every ounce of hurt (Please do not blame yourself for this. I'm enjoying it. SO SM!), how to ignore the other flowers that tingles my senses and entices my hormones into believing that I could seek passion of the body. You probably have heard this many many times, but have I ever told you that no person could "out-love" you like I do? I mean, take a look at the picture. Am I not always the one the supports you, in open or secretly? Am I not the one that admits that you're the most beautiful with or without that dastard rouge on? Am I not the one that secretly wish to shed some tears because when you sleep because I'm so touched by the beauty that God has created? I'm not sad at all, really. I am grateful. I am elated. I thank God everyday for our acquaintance, and subsequent blossoming of our friendship. I may be leaving, yes, but my heart is always here with you. Forever and ever will be. So I would suggest that you keep it in a box because they break all too easily.

Remember that kiss I left on your palm? Remember to take it out and embrace it in your arms. I left it there to pull you through tough times and all disasters thinkable. Yes, I will always remember that I left it there for you.

Obstacles are always there for me to cross over. No matter how tough it is, I will pull through, with or without you (ah you probably will be there forever for me right! LOL!)

xoxo,

Alfie!

HAPPY BRITHDAY, ZHILING!

2010-07-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

Mood: I feel young since there's someone who is 18 and I'm still 17!

First off, I would love to wish Zhiling a Sweetest sweet 18! I hope you love the cake, I certainly did. It's my favorite flavor anyway. (teehee) I've enjoyed the day out and I hope you did too! I'm glad to be acquainted with you (:

Ps. Persuade Zelene to smoke less.

Well, it's been a long day. Was out at Ced's crib for the entire night and went home only at 3:30, I assume. Epic exhaustion. Had been keeping quiet during the later part of tonight. I apologies because I am really really tired!

Alright, thats all for today!

xoxo,

Alfie.

Goodness

2010-07-25T05:43:00.001-07:00

Mood: Worried.

Hi people. I hope my two little short story is enjoyed by y'all. Yea. I'm so tired out and I don't even know why.

Sigh. Baby (I know I'm not a person that should be calling you this.) you should know that so long as I'm here, you have me to pull you through it all. Hold my hand, please. Let me guide you through this jungle in this darkness where eve the moonlight doesn't shine. If it's money that worries you, dear, you have me! Just phone me and I have as much as I could offer for you. Not talking to you today had made me miss you so terribly. I just wish you would come online.

I know you read my blog often and I promised every post to you and I'm making the best of my words, aren't I? I hope I'll have your word that you would honor. Please tell me that you want my help. I need you to want my help. That is the least you could do.

xoxo,

Alfie.

I'm bored and I wanna write a short story and here it is!

2010-07-19T03:19:00.001-07:00

Mood: I feel like writing a short story.

God. Today's test was total $#&^$*^% <--- You have to insert your own cursing thingy here.

Ahh! I have this sudden surge of inspiration. Like it pinch me on the cheeks! So here it goes.

Entitled

Désolé. [It means Sorry by the way.] (but it's in english.)

January 25th, 2011, Midnight

"I wonder how could I sit here on this bench in this freezing weather and cry while not having my tears frozen into mini ice balls. God. I just miss her so terribly. In a weeks time, I'll most probably be on the flight to a foreign land to start my new life. Even thought I know she can't possibly follow me, I secretly wish she could." Johanne sobbed as his freezing cellphone turn warm from the conversation with Anthony.

"Fret not, brother. Just leave and have no regrets. Move on if you should there's nothing worth valuing. None at all. Should you..." He was cut off.

"Look, I have just so many precious memories with her that I simply do not wish to let go. Even if I could, I don't want to. She's just so..." Johanne took in a deep breath to keep his tears in. He's eyes are swollen as it is. Trading sleep for crying is never a good idea.

"We'll just talk another day. I'm absolutely exhausted." Johanne touched the End Call icon on his phone and slotted it into his pocket, together with his cigarettes. He got up to his feet that was asleep, now tingling, and limped his way down the empty streets when he felt his phone vibrate from a text message. He opened it and it reads,

As much as I don't want you to leave, I really can't help but let you leave. Don't worry. I won't forget about you neither should you.

Upon reading the text, his warm tears flowed down from his eye sockets and trickle down his rosy cheeks, leaving a warm trail that turned cold in an instant. He slot his phone back to it's original position and for the first time in the past week, he smiled bitterly.

He was home and scanning the radio and he paused at this station that was playing, "My Immortal" by Evanescence. How much he wish she could come with him. Oh how much he's dying for her. If only she knew how much she meant to him. If he could turn back time, he wants it at a place where he had known her before her boyfriend had. He wants to be the one that tugs her in to bed every night and rub her back when she's having a backache. At the thought of it, he involuntarily weeped. Knowing that he had never been actually loved before, he had made up his mind. He will leave this godforsaken place.

January 26th, 2011, Morning.

For the first time in eight days, he woke up from a slumber. He dragged his weary body and swollen eyes to the basin and looked into the mirror and looked eye to eye with a man so terribly broken that even superman would turn his head away. He was, as he thought, just simply beyond hope and only leaving would be his key to a happier life. He had decided that today, he shall go to school and pretend everything is alright, like he always do.

After washing up and having a cup of coffee as opposed to a hearty breakfast (with coffee, of course.) that he would usually enjoy before departing, he slipped into his shoe and slowly slipped the key into the keyhole and turned it. The noise made by the key in contact with the grooves inside the lock were suddenly extremely audible and very distinct. One by one, he heard the teeth in line with the groove and the lock clicking open was so audible that it could wake a drunk man from his sleep, or so he thought.

He walked ever so slowly to the nearest subway station with a cigarette lighted in his mouth and there came a couple. Young in their teenage year cuddling and kissing. He turned away lest he wants to be seen with tears trickling down his face.

And there was another, and another. God must be teasing him, he thought. He shrugged that idea off and hurried to the train station and boarded the train. He sat down and open his bag and took out his book titled "A Time Traveller's Wife." by Audrey Niffeneger. He wondered why every character in a book will end their story with a loving wife or husband while he has to seek his romance so far away. He would never know. He has been lonely for far too long, he always said, no matter how many scandals he had engaged in in the past, he could never ever find that tender feeling he has been yearning for.

And there he was. The college he attends and the very place that he know her, befriend her, fall for her. It is not exactly his favorite place in the world. He dragged his weary feet up the stairs knowing that the lift is out of order and he found an empty slot and plops down at the sit and rests his head on the dusty, smelly table. He must have fallen asleep because the minute he some how sense (or smelled) her arrival, he sat up and stretched his neck like a giraffe. She was happy. He was not. But he puts on that mask he hand always put on, even though it is becoming worn out.

They smile and chatted like everyday and deep in his heart, he cried because he knows that they will be apart and most probably, they will be apart forever. For the first time, loving had lost its meaning.

Lousy ending, I know! But that's the best after a long day in school!

xoxo

Alfie.

I'm bored and I wanna write a short story.

2010-07-19T03:19:00.000-07:00

My Immortal.

2010-07-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

Mood: I just can't let go.

Today was hell of a tired despite sleeping sufficiently. God. Today was a bitter-sweet day. Like am supposed to go out having fun but I just ain't too enthusiastic about it. Lethargic. Just so darn lethargic. I pray to God every night and I hope everything's fine for you. God listens, you know. He listens so intently. I love you, God.

But as much as I want you to be happy, I want you to be happy with me. I guess I really am selfish. After all, I'm a pampered child. Nehnehneh! HAHA. I almost fell asleep on the sofa at GAP today. I almost stay awake for my 8th day. And that text of yours made me cry at home and in the public. So embarassing! :$

Thank you so much for reading my blog and I promise I'll blog every day when I'm not here anymore. And pull me up when I fall because I swear I need you even when I'm far away. you're my immortal. You'll forever be and theres no defeating me with you around. As long as you never give me up, I'll never give up on myself. I need you like a baby needs his blanket (So corny!)

Call me soon!

xoxo,

Alfie.

Dear God, ...

2010-07-16T11:02:00.001-07:00

Mood: Feeling prayer-ish. I still am missing you.

Well, today was a great day with JL, Ed and Zelly. Was a great, great, wonderful evening. Risk was so much fun despite the fact that the game rules were all made up by JL. What the hell. :O Board game club is an amazing CCA despite the dorky name man. And I can't believe I actually spent the entire evening with the trio! It was from like 5 or 6 until a good 12:45 in the morning.

Still couldn't believe how beautiful you are and I can only bring that pretty face to UK with me as memories and photographs. And I just can't believe how much you've sacrificed for Axxie. Like gosh. I would've loved you to molecular size if I had you. If.

I haven't slept in a week and I'm kinda used to not sleeping at all now. And I actually spent one of the night to write you this. I intended to say them to you face to face, but I guess I'll never have to chance to.

Know, I'll be leaving soon and you are the one that I would miss the most terribly. It's that cute face of your's when you laugh and smile that would be lodged so deeply in my mind (aka, the pig face!)>

I've lost you once and I'm going to lose you again and probably for good this time. With that, I have so much regrets. I'll cry for that because I'll probably be up all night thinking about you. and I too, wish that I could stay just a little longer. Who would actually be there, physically and mentally, for you when you're at your worst? Okay sure, you have many other friends that are probably better than I am but you know, it just sucks to know that I play no part in your life anymore. At least I've got your bookmark in a box because it holds such dear memories. I'd be frequently using it though because I wish that you were with me every page that I flip and read. (I've told you this part before) I tend to throw away lighters but the one you gave me, I never did. I keep it with me every where I go and even when it no longer lights up, I'll still be having it in my pocket. Always.

I'm going to harvest every ounce of memory I have with you because I'll definitely need them to pull me through. If I could clasp your in mind, I would love that you'd remember the warmth that envelopes your delicate, supple hands. Should you feel cold and alone or whatsoever, I want you to remember the feeling that it gave you.

You have Axel with you should you need a shelter but from what I know, he could actually bring you some. But I'm pretty sure it'll always tide over. Be firm, be less sensitive because he definitely loves you more than I'll ever do. Should you ever need someone to puke your sorrow or what have you, I'm always an MSN chat away, a skype call or oovoo call away and definitely a phone call away. No matter how much it'll cost me, I will call you. No matter what. I swear. I actually wish I could take you with me.

I know you found some of my gestures obnoxious and repulsive, but it's just my last something that I want to do to have myself remembered by you, my dearest best friend.

I wish you good luck in everything you do and may little Cupid smile upon you and Axel. And don't bloody forget to send me an eVite or invite or what have you to your wedding!

xoxo,

Alfie.

hah.

2010-07-13T23:52:00.001-07:00

Mood: disappointed, sour.

Wow. I thought skipping school would benefit my exhaustion from the lack of sleep. It didn't help much. I'm still tired! Darn!

Many had asked me why I couldn't sleep for the past two days. I never did tell them the real reason because I felt like if I were to tell anyone at all, they would call me a stupid, idiotic, stubborn mull. Things like this cannot really be helped. I hate it. I hate it so much. I just had to fall in love because I am love like a madman. Everyone had told me so and I just realized I really do.

See, I told everyone I had gotten over you because I thought if I do, it would aid me in my "quest" to take back that very large chunk you have ripped off. But I tried and tried and tried, all I ended up doing was cry and cry and cry. How can I be such a softy? Girls hate it and I hate it. I'm not passive, just so you readers know, I just am very emotional. Stupid me.

I spent 2 nights awake involuntarily to think of a way to have a last moment with you before I leave. I even wrote it down. I guess its wasted. I think you have an idea what's it like to feel that way, right? But everything still worked out for you. I guess I have to leave this place with a broken heart and a tankful of regrets.

I shan't let this blog post impose any more melancholy on anyone especially myself. I have to be more selfish this time round.

xoxo,

Alfie.

Nothing much!

2010-07-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

Mood: Messy!

God. It's been an exhausting day but I've only spent half the day out watching Predator, which is a complete waste of time. I just wonder how I would've reacted if Despicable Me was this bad. Dammit. Was just on MSN with Amanda exploring the wonders of the information Wikipedia is overloading us with. Those serial killer sure are weird! What is wrong with Aleister Crowley? Maybe when I die I'll... No wait. I'm going to heaven.

Gosh. Its been awhile since I've felt this way. Dahlia, I kinda miss you right now. Maybe it's because I'm probably leaving really soon. I don't know. But I just really miss you quite terribly tonight. I'm so messed up.

Anyway, the words below is for Yasmin!

Hey, YM! We're all missing you terribly. And it kinda sucks that you have to leave. We're all pretty upset when you have to leave. And we didn't really get to hang out very much when you were with us. You were either late or absent, so I blame that on you! Gahh!

Hee! I'm so gonna miss your cheeky laughter in class when we say something suggestive. I'm so gonna miss that inside joke that we (Naming you, ced and I) share and that "circle of trust" thing. I can't express myself enough. Let me put it in a poem for you!

I have no title for this so name it yourself!

[Moonlight lits our path,

and all of us join our hearts.

We're a family, so they say,

we share our tears and joy,

nights and days.

Choose a song if you may,

you'll have everything you wanna take.

you'll always have a part to play,

in our hearts,

I swear we'll never be apart!]

*rubs cheeks*

I hope you'll make out everything you want to in your life and years to come and I swear upon the moon and the stars in the sky (no pun intended) I'll be there! We'll all be there! All the best and godspeed, Yasmin Yusoff!

Love,

Alfie xoxoxoxoxoxo

Humhumhum!

2010-06-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

Mood: Relieved and optimistic.

Know, I had such a great time with Willabelle just now, chatting bout some stuff and I had actually learned a lesson on what a girl truly wants. Its not about being all fancy pantsy and being a through and through gentleman, its about being a rake sometimes. Every now and then, you've gotta be an ass. But keep it cool, because if you overdo it, you're a complete ass and theres no way you can reverse it. You just "Shrute-ed" it (quoted from The Office, Love the show thank you so very much.) Which means you completely screwed something out with no ways of reversing it.

Well, I don't know. I feel kinda empty right now. Like I need a date. I need someone to be like there for me to care about, to look out for. Truth be told, I actually like loving someone. But of course, I need someone to love me back the same way I do. "I'm a love bank that desperately need deposits", I've always said. Hell yea.

Well, truth be told, I'll be that someone that calls you beautiful when others call you hot, because I think beautiful is more you than hot. Not that you're not but beautiful just suits you more. Call me if you need me, because I'm always your safety mattress you can fall back on. Don't worry because I'll break your fall.

And truthfully, I think its a bliss that you have someone to bicker with. I realized this and I so totally agree with the book Married By Morning by Lisa Kleypas. She writes such amazing love novels and I love all of them so much. Trust me. I'm not a fan to just one novelist. I have a list but it'll take me forever to name them out. I'm such a sucker for romance especially Historical romance. Mary Balogh is one writer that inspired me so much and from her stories, I try to learn how to be mean and nasty, but too bad, I ain't an aristocrat. I am not an "angel" nor am I a "devil" (Quoted from Seducing an Angel by Mary Balogh, which can be found in Kinokuniya and other major bookstores but not Popular.)

To all good guys out there, try being a rakehellish person for a change. I'm pretty sure you'll end up having a longer relationship than the once you've had before, and don't take it too far. AND to all rakes out there, try to be nicer, but retain that nastiness by like 24.4%, because a lot of girls get hurt when you overdo it. Its not advisable, asses.

Stay lovely and deliciously evil!

xoxo

Alfie.

Realization.

2010-06-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

Mood: Realization when taking a dump and the showers.

First off, I wanna thank Cedric for the good talk we had over MSN. Really appreciate that. You go, bro!

Taking a dump really gets you thinking. So its almost an essay which you guys are gonna read so bear with me and I'm sure you guys would love it. (I'm not gonna rant anything so CHILLAX!)

A person is like a tree. We all are no matter how great you are when it comes to life and stuff. We start off young, like saplings, and over time, we grow larger and taller and stronger and sturdier. But thats on the outside. You can be like me. Big and ugly and shit that you can put your fingers on, but on the inside, we're all the same. We bleed the same, our hearts beat, our system functions the same and we eventually wither and die. Sure, people have got defects and stuff but it just makes them prettier on the inside, as in their hearts. They are stronger on the inside too.

But I'm not such a case.

You see, I was raised in a broken family with no love except from my mother, who is kind of loud and outspoken and thats what I love about her. She holds no barrier when it comes to communication (I'm sorry to those I've offended due to me having inherited this trait of hers.) and because of that, people think I'm stronger than everyone else, with a better heart, a better character and stuff. Sad to say, I don't. I'm softer than everybody else, I'm more sensitive than everybody else, I am more prone to aggression and I take stuff too seriously. I hate it.

As I was saying, every one is a tree, and leaves are our patience, memories and youth. We're trees, yes but not tropical ones.

Leaves as patience: We all have patience, I'm sure this is a common agreement between everyone and there is always a force that would take them away. Sickness, grief, another person etc. Sickness takes away your "leaves" like those that affects plants and stuff. Leaves fall off the branches until a point where the plants wither prematurely and dies away and only their gardeners, for people, its their family, cry and mourn over the lost of that tree (or person). To some point of grieving, we lose our patience to everything and anything that is pleasant. We become apathetic and when we do, everyone turns askance at you and think that you're a jerk or a fucked up person. I'm sure at some point, we get it all the time. Coming to people, have you ever wonder why you dislike this person so much? That is the question I have yet to found the answer for during my dump. I'll search for it sometime else but ANYWAY, patience with people makes the leaves on the tree wear out the fastest. People pluck them off and throw them away and when the leaves are all gone, they become bare and branches will prick if the next one happen to put their hands on it. They may bleed sometimes but well, works individually!

Leaves as Youth: Youth is what we squander away every minute of our time. We can go out and live. Like now, as I'm typing this, I'm actually wasting away my youth. But it depends on how individuals see it. Like for me, my youth is spent on stuff that people deemed as a waste of time. But for me, writing is my life. So I don't think its a waste to write! Yea. People like those chao ah bengs are REALLY wasting their youth away. They think gangsterism is gonna bring them anywhere? Fuck, no! They think being loud in void decks smoking, drinking and doing drugs will bring them anywhere? Fuck, no! They are the ones that we can legally call "wasting their youth away". And the ah lians following them are all the same. Wastrels!

Leaves as Memories (and perhaps love that never turn out good.): Well, this is where the real philosophical (I think) thought is. I mean like yea! This is so true, just wait till you read it. This won't be long!

Memories are like leaves in the 4 seasons. You have spring, when it all starts blooming and they slowly sprout, piece by piece and they soon envelope you with their lushness and it continues to summer. For people (or the one you love), they can sit under your shade and it keeps them away from the harsh sun which is a metaphor for the outside threat that hurts them. You'll protect them. And autumn comes. Your leaves start to turn orange and brown. You look calm, peaceful and beautiful on the outside, but in the inside, you start to die like the leaves because you so terribly want to keep something, but they somehow aren't as pretty as you see them. And finally, comes autumn goes away and the first flake of snow falls unto earth. Winter. Everything is bare for you. You're just you. You let go of your memories and you're just standing there alone, shivering in the cold because you feel void. People that engrave their name on your stump are like scars you inflicted upon yourself. Their name will stay with you until you die.

Anyway, thats all for today. I'm gonna turn in for the night.

Stay cool and be hopeful!

xoxo

Alfie.

SHIRT!

2010-06-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

Mood: I BOUGHT A TEE. HOW'D YOU THINK I FEEL?

Today was an awesome day out with Guan and Niu. Dammit! I just realized that I could look good. Okay good, but decent, when I wear something rather tight fitting. I look like a wrestler man. But my nipples are getting the best of me. Reacts so easily to cold environment and thats fucking fucked up man! LOL! I'm so gonna go back to Praise to get myself that fucking 3/4 tee. JUST YOU WAIT, XIAN!

Bitter-sweet day for me because I thought I could see Dahlia for a while, but too bad! Just hope to see you soon, pretty!

xoxo

Alfie.

Dahlia?

2010-06-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

Mood: Lost, afraid, worried.

Dahlia, did something happen? Call me if you need me. You promised. Did he do something to you? I'm worried, babe! If theres anything I can do, I would help you with everything. You need me just call him. Need a hand, you've got a pair. Need a fist, you've got a whole army behind you. Idk what happened and you have to let me know.

Call me asap.

xoxo

Alfie.

Funeral is boring.

2010-06-20T03:43:00.000-07:00

Mood: I'm bored, restless and am fucking desperate for starbucks coffee.

First off, I would like to congratulate those who had never been to a funeral before. It's:

1.) Boring as hell.

2.) Busy as hell

3.) Warm as hell

4.) Tiring as hell

Dash it all.

Hey Dahlia! Woah! You're like some business woman yo! So hard to reach! Well, how's game maker coming for you? Great, I hope. I really don't have time to touch mine since theres a funeral going on and I happen to be a helper. Damn.. Gahh! Catch up with you soon, I hope!

xoxoxoxo

Alfie

RAHHRAHHUULALA!.

2010-06-19T03:46:00.000-07:00

Mood:BAD ROMANCE WOAHH OHH OHH OHH!

I don't know why, but I think Lady Gaga is awesome. Not in her videos, but LIVE, but her acoustic set. I take my hats off her because she's the ONLY pop artist that can sing and piano an instrument. Yes, to all you Popstar hater hater out there, I hate pop stars, but Lady Gaga is the likable one.

Dahlia: I've just spent like 10 or 15 minutes browsing ALL your photos in facebook and I realized that you look great in every angle, every style and everything that comes to your mind. Congratulation! LOL. I'm sorta missin' you right now so text or call me because the funeral is boring. Like BOR-RING. ):

Hit me up soon, Tofu1!

xoxo

Alfie.

HOHO!

2010-06-18T02:29:00.000-07:00

Mood: Lethargic.

Hey! Wow. It's like freaking 5:29. Earliest in my blogging history. Just about to go downstairs to help out with the funeral. Damn. Gonna perspire soon!

Dahlia: WORK WORK! You slogging Orc, you! Hit me back when you're free. Kinda miss chatting with you over the phone!

Should there be anything that keeps me smiling, it is your pouts. And they are my looping waller paper! (Oh, not to mention the rest of the Humdingers!)

xoxo,

Alfie

CHINGCHINGCHING!

2010-06-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired. Just tired.

One of my grand uncle left the world. Though I'm not close to him at all nuh uh, but I can't help but feel sorry for his demise. I just realize how fragile life is. But that isn't gonna stop me from spending my time waiting for you.

"If I die tonight, I'll become a butterfly that hovers by your side."

Dahlia: Ahh! I'm supposed to have a good night chat but you pangseh-ed me AGAIN! Was waiting for your call and reply on MSN but NUHHH~ Kite flying you! LOL. HANG OUT SOON PLEASE! Everyone, it is time that we hang out and chill out like for shizzle. Life is too hectic so lets take it slow for once!

xoxo,

Alfie "I-just-realize-life-is-fragile" Daisy McGreggor.

Oh?

2010-06-16T04:20:00.000-07:00

Mood: Worried, upset, but worried takes up most of the emotions.

Other readers, please ignore this post. Its dedicated to Dahlia.

Dahlia: Hey, sugar. Please reassure me that you will be happy because I'm certain you haven't really be. I mean, its less than a month or just a month and you're already crying so hard. Am I to feel as though this should happen? Because I cannot. Because I know you deserve better.

Don't worry if you're lost or whatever. Because the due date for my care for you: Forever. (Yes, I got it from you, now I'm giving them back.) Whatever it is, just remember I'm here. THE MAN WHO CAN BE MOVED DEHH!

Cheer up, babe. I hate your eyes swollen from crying. Because it doesn't look bigger than it should be. You don't like your small eyes right? SO DON'T CRY! D: Punch you when you do next time, alright?

My number is in your phone and in your head. Just pick your phone up and dial that 8 numbers(You could dial +65 in front too. Its more pro that way. LOL.) Yea. Ask me out and I'll be there. Just you wait. Oh, and call me when you're fine also. I'll be more than gladly to hang out with the most beautiful girl I've ever known.

Don't make me regret encouraging you back with him dear! ;)

Xoxo,

Alfie "da-best friend Daisy" McGreggor.

YES!

2010-06-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

Mood: Elated, enjoyed myself a lot.

WOW. I love this awesome day! Karaoke session was lethargic but fun! THANK YOU, CED! For making this happen, you deserve a hug! (HUGZ)

Thank you so much for treating me like a best friend still. THANKS FOR THE HUG! Really cheered me up a truck load! Thanks, dear!

xoxoxo

Alfie.

Hey.

2010-06-12T09:47:00.001-07:00

Mood: Soccer Fever! And am missing you.

Hello people. Its 12:47 and I'm waiting for England Vs US to start. HEE! I'm not a soccer fan but seeing the Brits play excites me. I don't know why.

Well, first off, I would like to apologize to you because something overcame me as I blog tat post of mine out. and I feel terribly bad ever since. It is like the gap has been dug even further and widened. I will leap across it even if it means taking my life away. Because I need you. I need you so terribly badly. I'm so terribly sorry. I on;y want the best for you and I love to see you smile. Whatever it is that makes you happy makes me happy too. Of course, a little sadness will bite now and then but I'll put a smile as much as I can because I know you'd love to see me smile too.

Well, I have no idea why, it seems like I have fallen in love all over again and I'm happy with that somehow. And you being my subject of affection makes it all good.

I've read your blog and that latest post made me cry. Like really hard just now. Its been a long while since I've weeped and I'm sure this was a pretty hard one. I'm sorry that I've said all those bullshit and I really really want you to continue to read my blog. Because its the only way of which I can talk to you. There are so many things I cannot say to you, be it on MSN, text messages, phone, let alone in the face. I just hope you'll just continue to read and read and read because I dedicate every post to you. You're my heroine.

Thank you for teaching me the meaning of "Letting Go", because I will certainly master it and take things easily and let things go.

Sometimes, when you care about those around you more than you care for me, I feel extremely down. You might not know it, but everything you do, I take it into my heart and I keep it. Because you mean so much to me. I'm not as strong as you think I am, dear, because I am not at all strong. You're a tofu on the outside, but I am a tofu on the inside. I bruise way too easily... I don't like to whine but I have to tell you because I cannot always fake a smile. It gets tiring, you know? (now this is something I cannot tell you straight!) It is not that I cannot take jokes but sometimes, you hurt me unknowingly. I'm sorry for telling you all these and I know it may make you angry. But I have to tell you somehow.

...

2010-06-07T05:28:00.000-07:00

Mood: Absolutely devastated. Destroyed.

Hello, people. Today was an absolutely fucked up day for me. Not that its terrible whatsoever, it's just that it had made me ponder about stuff more. Why does everyone have to go through what they had been through just to experience it one more bloody time, when it is apparent that the latter choice will provide the same experience, if not better. Are all humans daft? If you had thought of letting go, why bother contemplating return? Have humans nothing better to do?

Having fed lies by people around me and myself, I don't know what reality and fantasy is anymore. Every single book I read, I shed tears. No, not because of the fabulous plot (which they all have), but the fact that I can relate to them, even only the slightest. Especially the part about being just friends. It just sends me into the spiraling down, crumbling down to my knees. Do I deserve such nonsense, I ask God all the time, and until today, I'm still waiting for His answer.

well, I know you've given up on reading my stupid blog that meant nothing even if you do read them. Therefore, I'm free to rant whatever I like.

kthx.

Alfie.

Woah!

2010-06-05T11:37:00.000-07:00

Mood: Nostalgic, relieved.

Wowsers! It's 2:39am and I'm awake blogging. How cool is that? Well, I'm, I don't know. 2/3 through my latest book and I'm loving it so much.

I've stayed up since 5am yesterday thinking about you and those things you had said to me, those that I wanna hear and those that I don't, because they are lodged in my heart like hieroglyphs. I don't think they will disappear anytime soon. Perhaps they will still be there till the day that I lay asleep in my grave for eternity.

Not to forget the time in class where you lay you head against my shoulder. The surge of tenderness crawled down my spine made me smile and I simply can't forget the feeling. But thinking about it brings melancholy to my heart. Because that may be the only time where you're comfortable with my presence. Yes, I do treat you differently, but my heart remains the same. it will never ever change. I swear.

How I miss that weight on my shoulder that I could only wish that I could cradle in my arms. The way you nestle makes me feel comfortable, at peace. Those tears are not sorrow, but they certainly struck a chord of affectionate emotion. Those tears I shed, I shed them with a smile.

As quoted from a friend of mine, "I have a piece of you with me. And that is the memory of you." And truth be told, I actually felt for him. Such relation, huh? I'm just glad you have someone to protect you when you're at work and this lay my heart in peace. So much peace that it is actually scary. Have I no emotions now? Am I to be afraid of loving again? Am I to just forget about everything? It is too much for me to know. Just so very hard to comprehend all these thoughts.

Why does every novel have to end up with the lovers married and living happily-ever-after? That'll never come true. I do sincerely believe in fate but it has been toying with me. Do you really find it so very amusing to see me this way? I don't know.

I don't know. I'm blabbering too much. I love the way we are right now and I don't think I would want anything to change. I like being comfortable around with you. Very comfortable. The eerie peace is what I have been searching for all this time. Even if it means being friends, I'm more than glad to accept my fate. Till then, I'm going to miss that weight of your head nestling down on my shoulder, as though you are resting all your worries on me. They are never too heavy for me for my big fat shoulders to carry, never too heavy for my big fat hands to hold, because of the three words that I can never ever say to you.

I shall end my post on the lighter note that my story is up and running again! I promise scandal and much wit in the story. Do look forward to its release!

Alfie.

TIRED!

2010-06-03T06:52:00.001-07:00

Mood: EXHAUSTED!

Hello. Wow... Illustrator is so time consuming and my eyes are surely dry from all the staring. And yea, time is going so well for me. I really have only time to thank for. Hah. I'm not ready to give up but I'm ready to be indifferent, which I don't now if its a good thing or bad thing.

Dahlia: I hope everything's going your way! Do tell me what has changed between the two of you! It's only right that your best friend knows, y'know!

As much as I wanna know, I wanna keep my eyes close. Take away my soul, because I'll always love you, just so you know.

Alfie.

TIRED!

2010-06-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

Mood: EXHAUSTED!

Dahlia: I hope everything's going your way! Do tell me what has changed between the two of you! It's only right that your best friend knows, y'know!

As much as I wanna know, I wanna keep my eyes close. Take away my soul, because I'll always love you, just so you know.

Alfie.

Wee!

2010-06-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired and weary, but happy!

Wow. 9AM and I'm still blogging. What nerve! HAH. I'm absolutely tired from the sudden awakening from last night at 3 Am. Haven't been sleeping properly since then. Tired, tired, tired.

Dahlia: When you called me yesterday night, I thought something happened to you! I was rather worried and yea I wanted to call you then, but I fear that I might wake you up so I had texted you instead. I wish I could call you every night but school's very hectic. But I promise once we'rte freed up, I'll call you as long as you want me too. I miss your voice too. Or rather, miss you, the person.

Call me silly, but I still wish and hope and pray for something that I'm sure that won't come true.

Alfie.

LOL.

2010-05-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

Mood: Bright and sunny. I found it back.

Hello. Wow. Its been awhile since I've last blog. Been busy with school. ILLUSTRATOR, I DAMN YOU TO HELL! Yea. School is busy, life is busy, whatever. But midst all the busy tempo and the hectic lifestyle, I've finally found what truly makes me relax. A book and a cup of coffee in Starbucks. That is life.

Well, I'm dedicating this post to my dearest Dahlia (LOL. That's for calling me Daisy!) because its been awhile since I've done anything for her.

Well, theres really nothing much to blog about, you know. But yep. Thanks to you, I've finally found the "proper" way of loving someone. It is to let that someone go. And I will in time. I just wanna let you know that I'll be here behind you silently to push you through. And when that day comes where you will stretch out your hands and welcome me, I will gladly take them and create our own legacy. (Yes, thats my MSN's display name.) I know you've been losing sleep because of illustrator, and I wish that you would take care of yourself because you need a good health for the coming battle ahead. Three more holidays and Q class will have to split up. I'm sure I can't be there to help you with stuff because I think our class will split up :O If we do, don't forget that I'm always there waiting with my phone and laptop with my Messenger and Facebook on. CUZ THEY CAN BOTH GO ON FACEBOOK AND MESSENGER BTW. (LOL!)

That is about all that I have to blog about, Dahlia. Hope you'll be satisfied after you read this.

And as our skin touch, you envelope my soul with tender sweetness. I crave for this everyday. Lean on me like how you would. Because my shoulders need something to rest on it.

Alfie.

HEE!

2010-05-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

Mood: Truthfully happy, relieved.

Hey guys! Today was another typical day but Mr Ant's lesson was hectic. What an ass. HEHE. Yea. and awesome girl, thanks for the chat every night. And all your texts kept me smiling the entire day. Thank you!

Well, I can safely save I'm awake right now and thank you for letting me dream. Thank you so much. Now go, be a happy and free person. I'm sorry for being an ass. You have no obligations in the first place. I'll be right here when you need me because forever and ever, well be the bestest best friend for our entire best life!

Alfie.

ALL RIGHT!

2010-05-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

Mood: Angst, terrible heartache, straightened out.

Hey people. Wow. Its been a tough day. Absolutely tough day. It ended at freaking six when it should be like 5. I'm so beat! Kudos to Guanjie for his amazing antics today. Ao Shun's "portrait" is fucking hilarious. I couldn't ask for anything funnier! Shan, you are amazingly funny today too. GOAL LAH GOAL LAH! LOL!

Well, behind the wall of laughter, I feel, well, lost. Lost, afraid. Like this phobic feeling and deja vu kinda feeling. Like everything's happening ALL over again. HAHAHA! But well, what is yours will be yours, someday, somehow. There is no denying that I would still love you, but well, I just want you to be happy this time round. Two days of contact has out-battled two months of care.

You go do what you love, love who you love. You can leave me alone and I'll be okay. Enjoy yourself while you're with him and try to forget whatever he had done to you.

Alfie.

!

2010-05-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

Mood: Angry, anxious.

Hello! Oh my god! I went to seven-elevens today and got myself a pack of Eclipse but yea, I was stupid enough to have walked out of the store with the thing in my pocket. And I got suspected for theft. I paid, of course and that shopkeeper was being so sarcastic! Oh my lord. I would almost sack his face but yea, its my fault so I'm not gonna do that. But I lost it and swear at him. I must sincerely apologize for that.

Well, yesterday was a lonely Saturday night and you were running in my head like the entire night. I only fell asleep at five in the morning and I woke up to realize I've only fallen asleep for three minutes! Silly me. Yea. Anxiety attack has kept me awake for the entire night. I'm just so afraid. So, so afraid. We all know what I'm afraid of so let us not mention it. But as long as you are happy, I'll be happy too. "I'll smile when you smile, I'll frown when you frown." I'll always remember this. I'm your bed and you'll be sure that you have something to lie on.

And I hope you'll like the little surprise I have in stored for you.

Alfie.

For once, it is not a masquerade. It's a carnival.

2010-05-14T01:01:00.001-07:00

Mood: Hopeless, genuinely happy.

Hello.

Today was a really short day. Like holy crap. And well, yesterday night wasn't the best night I've had. I guess I have to give something in order to achieve something.

Hey, listen, girl. Do not worry about a thing. Everything's gonna be alright. Shes only doing so just to protect me. She doesn't hate anyone. I'll talk to her about everything okay? It'll be fine. One day, she'll realize how sweet of a girl you are. "To me you're the star, to me you're my heart", remember? So if she's gonna dislike the star and my heart, she's gonna dislike me then. Please shine again. My day is a rainy one without your glitter.

Alfie.

HAHAHA

2010-05-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired, agonized.

Hello. Wow. For the first time, I feel asleep during class. And it was during practical. I hate this headache man. Like so brutally uncomfortable. I've realized that my story is like every other male acquaintance I have. But I just hope I would have an ending totally different from theirs. Do I have the write to dream, I asked. I think I do.

Well I just that day come no matter how long it takes. I just want You and I to be Us.

You take care and have a speedy recovery because I miss you every second without your presence!

Alfie.

Hoho.

2010-05-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

Mood: Hopeless, Tired.

Hello. Well, it's been a tough day filled with laughter. Thanks to Elfie, Ed, Ming hui, ced, Yas, JL, Brendan, Howwie. And you. I now understand why people had to wear their mask. Because being happy will make those around you happy too.

Ridiculing people gets old and when it does, I have absolutely nothing else to do. Well, I made you laugh and I am really happy about it. And hence, I smiled pretty much my entire day.

Whenever I see you, I would have two voices in my head. One voice's telling me to give up because it will be nothing but a void. Another tells me that I should carry on. One part of me is hopeless, the other is hopeful. And I finally now what hopelessness feels like.

Take good care of yourself since he will no longer be there to care and I will do whatever I can to make you feel cared and loved.

Rest well, princess. You have a fever, okay?

Alfie.

Oh?

2010-05-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

Mood: Lost, disappointed, enlightened.

Hello people. Have you ever get that feeling of yours, when you wake up in the morning and you feel absolutely lost? Well, I just had that kind of feeling. Like seriously. I wake up this morning to realize I've lost something. I don't know what but yea, I feel lost. Perhaps its that talk we have yesterday, you know? Guess my hopes are finally dwindling since I'm trying not to give myself too much. I'll be happy, as I promised but sometimes, I just can't help but feel my melancholic side get the better of me.

Thanks for listening to me pour my sorrows out yesterday and I really hope someday, we'll join hands as one.

I'll hold my left hand in the air and my right across my heart. I swear I would wait until that day comes. I'll love you even if it doesn't.

Alfie.

Irreplaceable.

2010-05-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

Mood: Relieved, tired, apologetic.

Hey people! Wow, the frequency of me blogging has increased. And it's all because of you. Well, they will decrease because I'll be putting them on pen and paper and into the envelope. Just hope that you will read them. :)

School's tiring though. Didn't get enough sleep. And the ghost story moment is SPLENDID! I couldn't ask for anything more exciting and enjoyable. Thank you, darlings!

Alfie.

WEE

2010-05-09T18:16:00.001-07:00

Mood:Hopeful.

Well, it's the 10th of may and it's a bright Monday morning. Nothing much to talk about since its the start of the day, you know. HOHO!

You texted me late in the night to tell me that "we've wronged him", and the first thought was, how naive could my sweet girl be? I've been through all these and as a guy, I can safely say when my ex-girlfriend whom still loves me a lot ask me about a girl I complimented, I would try to conjure a lie just to make her feel better. I do not doubt his love for you but somehow, I feel he doesn't know how to do it properly. If you want him back, dear, you have to talk to him about it. It is the best for both of you.

HEHE! I'm looking forward to today and I shall see my darlings... YES DARLINGS, in school today!

Alfie.

Oh!

2010-05-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

Mood: Disappointed yet genuinely happy.

Hello.

It's been 24 hours of thinking and I've yet to find a reason to why I should stop loving and start giving up.

If there's a movie that would make me relate to right now, is 500 Days of Summer. Because I'll always be your "best friend". And I'm glad that it will work out that way and it's because I'll find the next season after you have left.

"It is a story of a boy and a girl, but keep this in mind, this is not a love story. - 500 Days of Summer"

It will be our statement until you eventually open up your heart. I'm sorry for not being able to be the one. and of course, I'm rather jealous, and not envious of him. I really am. It's not an everyday thing that I fall so madly for a girl.

Thats when I wish everything would go back to when I first saw you. I would pull myself from falling in love with you and everything would be fine right now. Well, if only I could turn back time. If I could, I would know you and your ex-boyfriend and I'll travel back to your turbulent time and enlighten him, making sure that he treats you right and not make you cry. Like I've said, What is a man when he makes a woman cry?

I guess I'll just have to try my best until you fall in love with me and change our story plot to "The Notebook"

Alfie.

No...

2010-05-08T06:26:00.000-07:00

Mood: Apologetic, disappointed, sour.

Hello everyone. Wow. I'm blogging constantly right now. And yea, I'm doing this all for her. Because she wants to know how I feel.

Well, I've did some bullshit and I really hate that. I'm so sorry to have added on to your burden instead of easing it. I'm so sorry, dear.

All I hope now is that you would get over him. Not because of me wanting to be your boyfriend and stuff, but because you will be happy. That is all I wish for. Your happiness. Of course, I would be lying if I had said that I would feel a little bitty bit hopeful when you have forgotten about him. Of course I would, and a lot in fact. That doesn't make me selfish, right? I miss you terribly since I haven't seen you for a good two days. I just hope everything's gonna be fine for you. And if you need listening ears, you have mine, if you need advice, you need mine. You need someone to speak through, you have my mouth. Because you already have my heart.

"Love is selfless, yet selfish - Alfred Mcgreggor."

Therefore, I can't really be blamed, right?

And I promise that I would write you a note everyday until our hairs turn grey and we can walk no more.

Alfie.

why?

2010-05-07T02:42:00.000-07:00

Mood: Terrible.

Hi people. I wonder why when I start to post on my blog or start listening to songs that are kinda lovely-ish yet sad at the same time, something HAS to happen that will push my mood down the cliffs. When I hear you cry, my heart sank to the bottom. I need not say more than this because you already knew the state of mind I had when we chatted just now.

For every drop of tears you shed, ten drops of blood trickle down my heart. For every time you cry, my heart tells me he wants to die. If you would open my chest now, you'll see my heart, yes, but its fragmenting all over. I'm sorry that I am not the person that you wanna be with when you're feeling low. I know where I stand, and I will soon stop pestering you.

"In true love, there is never a happy ending. Because true love doesn't have an end. - Unknown."

I saw this today in someone's blog. I think Howard showed it to me, and right now, it made SO much sense. Because it doesn't have one. Dear, because he had ended this, he had showed you that his love isn't true. Not at all.

Anyway, why the hell am I being so crazy? I think I need to seek help.

Alfie.

I just don't know why I can't be like him. I love you so but yet, I'm receiving treatment from you as though I'm just another guy that likes you. The world may think I'm lying but as long as you and I know its true, it is all that matters. I crave to hold you like how he had, and I know it is so distant. I'm sorry, but I shan't be such a guy no more.

CORE!

2010-05-05T04:01:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired, yet satisfied.

Wow. What a long day. I'm hating the fact that Sports and Wellness is in the middle of the day, when the sun is scorching hot. I could almost feel my skin break apart when the ray hit my exposed skin.

The fact that we're back to what we were before brightens me up. Thank Lord for that. Thank the Lord for everything that it is!

Nothing else to talk about. I'm so tired. I'm gonna go take a nap now. toodles!

Alfie.

Hi.

2010-05-04T07:38:00.000-07:00

To you:

I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I'd wish that you tell me in person. Because I wanna know what I should do. It has now turned into a terrible ennui. I don't know what I should do now. I only wish that you would know how much I'm in love with you. I don't know how can I stand beside you without being utterly discomposed. I wonder how I should act with you. Please, I need to know and so, please, tell me. Tell me everything that I want to know.

Are you angry with me now? Because I need to know. Are you troubled now? Because I want to share it with you. I'm sorry for making you feel the way you do but you know, I can't help acting the way I do. If you were to ask, I would answer. I'm sorry.

I miss your sweet, beautiful voice. And I need it to fall asleep snuggly every night. Thank you so much for being a listening ear of mine, and I'm sorry that I have changed. I indeed am. Please, please, please give me one chance to redeem myself. I miss that angelic smile that you used to wear when you were with me for that, I will revert to what I was before. I swear I mean it.

When you feel that it is fine for you to talk to me, we shall. I cross my heart and swear that I would be your best friend for as long as you want me to be. I don't want anything to change.

Ohh man!

2010-05-04T07:24:00.001-07:00

Mood: Great, yet confused sometimes.

Hello! Wow. It's been awhile since I've blogged about anything. School has been great and I've met great people there. I love you guys so much!

Times are different now and I think I've grown into a much better person. But well, sometimes, I can't really be myself. I don't know whats wrong.

Perhaps its all here again. Everything's back. I hate this. This paranoia, Oh lord. I've made a mistake again. Spare me.

I'm not gonna blog about anything else.

I'm just gonna say I'm sorry.

HELP!

2010-03-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

Mood: PANICKY!

Crisis! Crisis! My dearest readers, I'm seeking your help in expanding my new novella! Submit me your desired outcome of Bonnie and Clyde-ish story plot! A free copy will be submitted to you once it has been published.

Please and thank you!

xoxo

Alfie

Bollocks!

2010-02-28T04:29:00.001-08:00

Mood: Utterly faithless and angry.

Absurd! How the nerve! This woman that I called Mother had rendered me faithless. I'm really, really angered by her damned sarcasm! It was a mere Ez-Link card of which I have misplaced and I don't EVEN know how the deuce it got out of my wallet and vanish into thin air. Buggery.

Look Mama, it isn't exactly my fault, at least half of it was, that I have misplaced that pathetic little card. I blame my carelessness too, but I was expecting a piece of advice from you. But all I got was sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm. Damn it all!

Tick and a tock, time is passing by. GET OVER IT! It isn't half your fault that you have courted a man of such irresponsibility. YOU deserve better. Neither was it mine, you know. I said no to the courtship, neither did I said yes. And I agree I've admitted that he was a pretty nice man, but apparently, it was all his husk. Foul beast are to be banished, I believe, innocents should be left alone. I, for one, happen to be innocent. Leave me out of your rage and anger. Damn me if wrong, but you have been not yourself for a bloody long time. Ever since you came home from Taiwan, you have been foul in mood and in the process, I was assaulted. Psychologically.

And you blame of for starting to puff away. Have you ever looked back into the past when I beg of you to quit smoking but you would brush it aside and tell me lie after lie about you never to smoke again? Buggery. You have been most foolish to think that you have not influenced me. I've loved you for a long time and now, I might just be growing faithless.

Dash it all. Dash it all. I will end my blabbering.

Love,

Alfie.

Wow

2010-01-21T10:14:00.001-08:00

Mood: I don't wanna talk about it.

Hi readers. Yes, yet another midnight post and you should know whats coming. Thank you, Willabelle and Guan, for being there for me. Unfortunately, words aren't gonna help me this time round. Its been awhile since my breakdown but this time, its rather quick compared to any other dates.

I'm scared. Really, I am... I'm afraid of spending another night alone in front of my laptop in my hall thinking about stuff. Its been really long now. When will He deliver me the answer? I am not a bad person, really. I just have a brain built to shoot words out from my mouth as and when I like. I'm blunt. I hold no barriers. Thats just me. What the fuck do you want me to be? You made me this way. I don't know. Really. Sitting up at nights thinking about those little tic-tac sized comments that strike heavy blows in your heart is really just fucking bullshit. Why do we have memories? I would sell them away if I have to. I don't want any memories because none of them had been beautiful. Ain't got a responsible mother, ain't got a loving family, ain't got no one to love. Its a bliss to be smacked across the head by your girlfriend. Its a bliss to argue with your girlfriend. Its a bliss to hug your girlfriend when she cry. Bliss... Just another simple word that I can see but not feel nor taste. Call me an epitome of pensiveness, but being single for 4 or 5 years, sitting alone and crying really kills you inside. I'm just waiting for something in me to fail and I can sleep for as long as I want. Since people say that it will be alright after a good sleep, I'm gonna have a good long one. As long as I don't have to, I won't wake up. I'll just lay sleeping. What is there to lose? Nobody's gonna cry for you. Nobody's gonna feel sorry. You're just a lost soul seeking a home. Try giving something to someone you love and have it being swiped from your hands and seeing it break in front of your fucking face. Even if he/she didn't do it intentionally. Either fucking way, its an abhorrent thing.

"Hey, Alfie, I really am envious of you. Ain't got a worry about a girl. Man, I wish I was single."

Hey fuckface, listen up. You ain't got a clue how much tear I have shed just because I was alone for fucking 5 years. You wanna swap roles? You wanna stay single for 5 years? You wanna shed so much tear you can fucking water the padi field? Well fuck you, little pussy wanker. I'd rather quarrel with my girlfriend and cry over it than to sit here, blogging about how fucking much I want to have a fucking girlfriend. Abhorrent little fucking wanker. Try getting rejected over and over and over and over and over and over fucking again.

Fuck you, wanker.

Alfie

WEE

2010-01-17T05:34:00.000-08:00

Mood: Welcoming, curious and warm.

Good evening, everyone! Gosh its been a real busy week and finally I can sit down and blog about stuff! Goodness! As usual, Ups and Downs but the Up side is pretty much enjoyable!

So Ups: It was NerfSG's first anniversary! Oh my goodness! Happy birthday NerfSG. and just for you info, its a community based in singapore for enthusiast on Nerf Guns, which are toys from Hasbro. Don't get me wrong! I'm not playing with toys, I'm playing with GUNS! :D and also, HAPPY 22, SPARTY! Yea. Its James, aka Spartan's birthday on 16th too! Coincidence much x) For the record, I'm believing in God (finally) I mean, I need answers and only He can deliver them to me. I mean, I don't really know it yet but well, he should.

Downs: ahh! Typical bullshit. Got rejected again and my granny just FUCKING framed me for stealing her money. I mean what the fuck, right? To think I've been such a nice chap to be running errands for her. I don't even fucking get a dime for whatever I do, and if I were to steal. I wouldn't just take fifty sorry bucks would I? Fuck I can't believe man. 18 years we've been living together and she doesn't fucking trust me? What the fuck? So much for mutual bonding.

Sigh, rejection again! But of course the big Man upstairs will show me the light, I believe. Ever since believing in Him, I felt happier... Like I'm going to know the answer anytime. Now, I'm not trying to preach or anything, but I really think I'm sort of liberated! maybe he'll give me the answer.

"deny me, and I'll deny you from my father" now I don't want that!

Thats all for today. The end of my report!

Love,

Alfie.

You died my heart.

2010-01-03T08:11:00.000-08:00

Mood: Feeling normal.

Hi readers! Belated happy new year (:! Went to the countdown. Fireworks was awesome but SUPER short lived, like love. So eternity is a lie. I heard from a man. Its so true. The key to maintaining a 50 year old relationship is to cheat. Cheating gets you away from someone for a period of time and of course, you have a fresh feeling every time you see your spouse again. Many may disagree with me, and I disagree with myself. I mean, how do you expect for yourself to trust yourself when you're lying to yourself? And when you can't trust yourself, how can your spouse trust you? Your just another failure in the big book of failed relationship.

You: I assume you're having a bad day with your "boyfriend". Well, if a guy makes you frown, he hasn't been doing his job, don't you think so? So why not just forget about him and come into the arm of a person that will swear his heart upon the dagger to not make you cry. I don't know if you're reading this blog. I believe you have. So how do you feel? Terrorized? Annoyed? I believe so. So what if I like you? So what? Everyone has the right to love.... Right? Or is it otherwise?

Many things are going through my head and really, its not the time to think about stuff now. I've got a portfolio to work out and I ain't procrastinating. And girl, I hope school will be fabulous for you. Need help and I'm always here.

Love,

Alfie

Dreams.

2009-12-29T23:48:00.000-08:00

Mood: I miss your smile..

Hi!

Wow, once again, its raining. Listening to music since my aunt's always hogging to the fucking TV (roll eyes).

It's been a week now. Haven't been chatting with you. How are you? I'm just happy that you've got someone which you could most probably be holding now. What am I if I wouldn't be happy about you being with the one you love the most, right? At the same time, I can't help but want to be the one you love the most.. Guess I'm just stupid to be even want to. Look at me, a guy that isn't charismatic. A guy that has no talent. A guy that has nothing under his name. Where can you find another failure like me? You cannot.

Oh well, nothing much to blog about besides my fucking pensiveness. Sometimes, I feel like a girl. Pussy.. Working on a short story. Gonna have it posted soon. Stay tuned!

Love,
Alfie.

Hi

2009-12-26T12:58:00.000-08:00

Mood: Apathetic

Dearest readers!

Hi! Its me again. I'm at Laiguan's crib and it sure is nice to be spending the night away from home feeling self sympathetic and lonely. Of course, it started with a really terrible day. So much for a great Sunday, huh? Oh well. I woke up at 4 in the afternoon with tears in my eyes and it really sucks to sleep on a pillow soaked in tears. Terrible feeling. At least, without the one you love the most, you still know that you have your friends with you.

I just miss you so terribly. When I wanted to speak to you, you wre about to go out. And yea, of course I'm helluva fine with it but I can't help but feel a little depressed. Knowing that you're going out with your boyfriend, I can't help but sink down into my sofa and muster myself for another downpour. Its pouring today in the central-north, and it reflects my mood. A lot, I would say. Knowing that the person you love deeply is with someone he/she love but the person ain't you takes a whole chunk out of you. How you wish it would all just stop.

" When Death to either shall come -- I pray it be first to me. " - Robert Bridge 1844-1930s.

I pray the day that you would turn around and look at me and say: " Yes, I would want to be your girlfriend. " But I know it'll be an eternity and 1 day and also, it will as long as I would take to love you. Perhaps I will love you so so much longer.

It so cold tonight. Are you warm in your bed, darling? Do you need an extra blanket? Do you need another person to hold? Someone warmer with passion? I miss talking to you. I'm sorry I am a mess. I'm sorry I was stupid enough to think you would return the feeling. I'm sorry for wasting your time. If the amount of misses can be converted into cold hard cash, I'll use that money to buy you a mansion.

" I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all- Lord Alfred Tennyson 1809-1892 "

It's easier said than done. Whats it like to lose love? I can write a book on that. In short, it feels like the world is crumbling. The sky could no longer hold its mass and they come crashing down to earth, piece by piece. You could most certainly smell death when you brush across with the one you love and lost. I should move on, yes, I know but a pity. I cannot. Perhaps I don't want to. I wanna give it a try. If I never try, I'll never know. Maybe I have already seen the truth but I don't wanna face it. I'll pretend that its not here with my eyes blinded with a veil.

Nuff' said. I would wish to go to sleep now. I hope when you see this, don't freak out. I'm not an obsessive lover but I crave Thy touch.

Awesome. Nothing's going as planned.

2009-12-25T09:07:00.000-08:00

Mood: I'm sick of tired of everything. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Greetings readers.

First of all, Merry x'mas, be it a good one or a fucked up one. Its pretty awesome to know that your friends are with you when you need them. Really. It is. Guess what? Knowing that the girl you like will be there with you is an AWESOME deal. Even better than having the entire world with you. Because he/she had to leave early, you would wanna treasure every minute with he/she, right? You want to send 'em home but ignorant people will insist that they take a cheaper deal of public transport, leaving you to think "Hey! I'm suppose to send he/she home!" You really can't blame that ignorant individual, really. He's just oblivious to his surrounding.. Thats one thing thats not going as planned.

Its steamboat time! Everyone, the ones you know, the ones you don't, are crowding around the steamboat, dumping food and scooping them out of the pot. "Psst", The sound of beer cans opening resonated around. Everyone was having the time of their life. Somehow, you'll be sensing something missing. Somewhere along the way, you might have left something behind. Somehow, something is not in place. Perhaps its your wallet? No. Its in your pocket. Your phone? Its in your hands, for crying out loud. Your MP3 player? Can't be. You're listening to it. Maybe its the sight of the one you think you will get together with. Yes. This is it. Oh well, since he/she is busy, you thought, just let them be. You open a can of beer, finished it, and continued eating. Without the one you want to be with around, thats the second thing that did not go as planned.

You text them, hoping they could accompany you since everyone is not at home. You're alone. You want someone to accompany you. They tell you they have something on. You smiled and fixed another day. You waited. And they finally told you its okay to fix it at 2 days later. You feel happy. Thats went as planned.

You got home, you got on your instant messaging account. You hope to see them online, and they are. They are online, just sitting there. You double click on their list. You chatted with them and you double confirmed the date. And you felt hopeful. You feel that you will stand a chance with them and you went ahead to drop a hint, or at least to find out their marital status. You asked: "So, I assume you ain't got a boyfriend or girlfriend right?" and they replied "Sort of." You got caught off guard. You staggered. Your pupils widen. You break into a cold sweat. Then you go, sounding as happy as you possibly can: " HAHA! So I assume you're gonna be together anytime soon?" and they reply: " most probably after my exams." your world came crashing down on you. You just can't brace yourself, you fell on your knees. You tried composing yourself. You try to shake the feeling off. Too bad, they linger. Without saying goodbye, you logged off, jumped into your bed, wishing you could sleep it away. Thats the last thing that has not went as planned. You give up.

"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."

Bloody as hell true! By knowing she love someone else it already could tear you apart. What more watching them do what you did with them.

Alright, enough of my shit. I'll suck it up and move on! Talk to y'all next time!

2009-12-23T08:14:00.000-08:00

Mood: Normal. Apathetic.

Hi, my fellow readers!

Just came back from supper with my gramma. Its happy to know that she has something to do to kill time other than watching TV and rotting.

On my way out to meet my granny, I saw 2 couples, a chinese - malay couple and an indian or paki couple quarelling. I don't exactly know what was going on. At the back of my head, I was thinking, "Hey, perhaps both of you should sit down and talk bout stuff instead of yelling your lungs out at each other." I mean, with a calm state of mind, what can not be accomplished? And this, again, gave me this urge to tell them: "Hey, look, people out there are more pathetic than you are, take a fucking look around and see the lost and lonesome souls that are crying."

Have you ever wondered why some hateful people can have a partner in his or her life while you simply are just sitting here in the hall, thinking about when you'll be attached and stuff. Well don't! Because he or she could jolly well be outside your door waiting, or she could be on her way to you, by somehow got lost amid the crowd, looking for your face. Don't give up. They will be here someday. Just you wait.

"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story. - 500 days of summer."

Of course, this is usually what happens in your life. But have you ever tried starting you own love story? Perhaps thats what many of us to do. Boy likes girl, girl returns feeling to boy, they kiss, they break up, they got back together. This is a script, a plot. Its a plot written halfway. Have you ever thought of it BEYOND getting back together? Like Marriage. Perhaps divorce? I don't know. Maybe humans will never be as good as God in every way. Even in scripting a story. Every of our lives are a play. And our existance is for God's entertainment.

"Tom, don't go! You're still my best friend!" - Summer, 500 days of summer.

I don't know about you, but I sure hate this sentence. I don't wanna be your best friend when I said I want to be your boyfriend. Usually, they will be your best friend, yes, but they are your best friend that avoids you. Ouch, right?

I sure hope my posts leave you thinking and I would like a response from you guys! Just leave your name and tell me what I should improve on!

Love,
Alfie(:

Nope nothing.

2009-12-22T09:32:00.001-08:00

Mood: Sour.

Enjoying: tang yuan! (love)

Hi once again. Here to rant about stuff. Feeling SO much again at 1:32. I really love this blog. I can talk about stuff I have never told before to anyone. Its like my little exposed secret diary. I don't post bout stuff I do with my pals, with my nerfers and with my computer but I do post what I feel. It's after midnight and well, its usually my time of the day, or night, when I'm not sleeping, that I look around me. In the home I've stayed in for 17 years. In the pictures in my picture album. My mother, my father I once knew, my granny and her now. My great-aunt and how she is now. Kinda brings the sour to my nose to realise how much I've let slipped by.

Well, grammy's watching TV and I'm here posting this. Still, I can't help shedding tears. Her aged face only can age even further. Her hands coarse from all the chores, the time she hugged me when I cry alone in my room. The times she yelled at me for leaving my light on after I went to the bathroom. I start to want them back. Grand aunt. The one that dotes me the most yet gets on my nerve the most. I know she nag and ask all too much question because she cares for me, but I can't help but lose it at her sometimes. I feel really apologetic. Mom. A strong 36 year old lady that single handedly raised a kid. Shes sleeping now but I so wish she could just give me one tight embrace right now. I miss the time she would play with me and sing me songs so as to stop me from crying. Seeing her coming home every night with the super tired look, I wanna hug her and tell her "mom, thank you for everything. I love you." its just these simple words yet I feel so hard to let them out. If my teeth are bars from the cells, I would willingly take them all out. Dad. You're a fucking jerk but yes, I miss you. I miss the time you would sit around in the living room with me, watching TV, telling me to work hard to be a member of the SWAT. I am working on it.. I'll show you I can do it. I'll get into the SWAT, I'll get into the Spetznaz, I will get into the SAS. I will prove it to you that without you, I'm still the Man you wanted me to be. And I really do feel like breaking your face for the number of times you made Mom cry. When I left the home we once shared, trust me, I kept looking back. I wish you would race out and hold mom's hand and tell her to not leave you. And that you promise to be a better man.

I will never get closer to my family ever. As it is broken, I wanna break free. I'm no longer a kid. I wanna strike it out on my own.

Enough of family. Thinking about the one that I adore the most. You, girl. You.. I always hope to see you online when ever I get online at 1.00 PM. You have your life yes but I really miss talking to you. You never cease to cheer me up. Even a simple smiling emoticon will make me smile ever so much, ever so hard. You weren't talking much to me yesterday, and I've got to admit. I got paranoid. I got sad. But oh well. Theres a stigma in me after the previous episode I had with another girl that left her prints in my life. I'm afraid to start anything with anyone because I don't want anything to end like the hurricane.

"In my prayers, I prayed for God to let me be with you. He made me the tree that is at the pathway that you walk by everyday. I see you walk by, holding the hand of another guy. My dear, the falling leaves are not the signs of autumn and romance, its just the fragments of my breaking heart."

To the girl that left something in me: I thank you for making me who I am today. Yes, I did hate you before, I hate you for taking my guts away to love anyone again. I only got paranoid because I care too much. Well, now I've learn to not smother someone like I did.

Maybe its this time that a boy change to a man. Maybe its time where leave had fallen, and the biting cold challenge my will. And pass this, it will be spring. I will start blooming flowers, and soon, I will bear fruits. My children. They are gonna experience the same thing as I did, and I, promise to be a father than the one I have, will have this very post to tell them what I have been through. I've never regretted being me and I never will.

Its 2am now and everyones asleep. Now I can finally cry without a care. This is the time when you have to let everything out at one go. Its now or never.

God.

2009-12-22T00:22:00.000-08:00

Mood: Cold and lonesome.

Dear readers,

I apologise for not having any poetry posted up.. Indeed, there are no good reads here but I certainly hope my writting, written with emotion and realisation, will be appreciated by someone.

I spend the entire night awake, looking through my new scope at the sky. No, its not a telescope, but a hunting scope. Well, if you want to, I'm gonna shoot the moon down for you, But it is if only you were to say okay to my proposal that I might give anytime.

Sorry for the all too emotional posts. Waking up all night thinking about stuff can really make one feel a lot more than he should.

Have you ever felt that God was being unfair to you? Have you ever stayed up for 2 days, thinking about anything else other than feeling fine, sleep at night and hoping to hold the hand of the one you love everyday? After watching 海派甜心, I really feel that we should really send a petition to God and request for him to let us write a script of our own life so as to let us live our lives as a really happy and carefree person. Rejection is fine but knowing the fact that she might just walk away from you for good, it makes you wanna put a bullet in your own head and end it all.

"If you want to dump someone, you've got to be able to withstand the pain and terror of being dumped." These words means so much to me. I am sorry for what I had done to you before, and I've learnt my lesson. I have quit being a philantrophist for a long time but somehow, fate, God and other power of an upper level is punishing me so hard.

"For as long as you like someone, you'll take an equal time to forget." Yet another quote that touched me. Its been more than a year now. You should've forgotten about me. If you haven't I'm always here. Come talk to me. I'm always here. End this misery for me. Tell Cupid that I've had my punishment. Please. Just end it for me.

How long has it been since you've talk to someone about your problems? No. Not someone.. Yourself. For me, its every now and then when I feel sad and stuff. But never as frequently as these 2 weeks. Maybe I'm being self sympathetic. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But how often do you feel that your miserable not when you want to, but when it comes knocking? I've fallen for someone I shouldn't and it really makes it feel like someone's dripping vinegar into my heart. How can I move on? Maybe I can never.

Alright. Sorry for the rant but its because I really need an outlet. And I would really wish that you would share with me your experience so as to let myself grow up. Just comment on my post!

Love,
Alfie.

hmmm yea.. perhaps.

2009-12-12T19:02:00.000-08:00

Mood: Feeling excited, yet bored and tired.

Hey readers! As usual, mornings, when you're at home, is indeed boring as ABC. But since I'm gonna shoot some foos' later, I'm sorta excited! Yeppers. Been awhile since I've wrote any good stuff here on in my Tumblr. Yep. I promise updates tonight! Leave me a tag, people :)

WAH LAO WEH! 'CHER!

2009-09-25T04:26:00.001-07:00

Mood: Fucking pissed off. Diana Goh must be punished! (Ain't afraid of you authorities gettin' me. We're living in a free world)

Enjoying: Bossa Nova and Kopi with no suger.

Good evening dear readers. School fucking sucks ttm. Especially my fucking maths. Mother fucker! I did do my questions but FUCK. She gave me a big question mark. Fuck!

Anyway, it happened in the morning so yea. Now I feel better. HOHO.

And I've came up with some rhymes!

[A trip to the moon, via Mars and Venus.

Starry, starry night.
but life gripped my neck like a vice.
And I really do miss you,
right and true.
If you're going to treat me like a fool,
that just won't do.
Because I deserve better,
a better hand to hold.
a hand that will never ever turn cold.
For my passion will keep it warm,
because for you, I will take the fall.
For you, my dear,
I'll give my all.

Waking up in the middle of the night,
I've wonder why in my dreams I would cry.
My dream of flying,
soaring in the skies.
I took a leap from my apartment,
I thought it will happen.
But I slipped,
I fell,
And my death is what I smell.
And to the moon is where I would go,
Via Mars and Venus,
the route is the one and only home.
Humble home for my soul.

On, Mars the barren red land,
craters filled with blood.
And they all blend,
like a piece of art.
Venus is light years away,
But the trip is like a day.
For I am a dead man without a face.

And on Venus. The planet so hot.
Its like you, but 7 years apart.
And I thought you will be who you are.
But now I see a star in your place.
A star, far away.
A star I can see, but no touch.
but with all this I don't hold no grudge.
And to the moon is where I will go last and next,
Because even my soul is dead.

Alfie © 2009.

Permettez-y d'être connu à vous que je vous veux terriblement.

WAH LAO WEH!

2009-09-25T04:26:00.000-07:00

Breebree free theengs!

2009-09-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

Mood: Inspired and a little bit of sadness

Enjoying: Some special herbal tea from granny!

Hi people.

First of all, fuck school. Art was 3 fucking hours and I fucking finished in an hour and a half, and I would've spent the three fucking hours absorbing my physics.

Second, Fuck physics. Because shit never is being taught in school, and we don't fucking understand. Thank you fucking Retnam. Fuck your brains.

Alright and lastly, I've got a new poetry that I'm inspired to write like half an hour ago.

I'll be calling it "Every Drop Of Misses I've Given To You"

[ Call it sickness if you would,
call it a sydrome.
Call it wasting time if you should,
because I'm not your typical brute.
Don't even call me crude,
for this is rude.
Because for every drop of misses,
I saved them all for you.

Its like a pandemic,
its like flu.
And when I give these misses to you,
I feel the blues, blues, blues.
Autumn came,
summer left,
and we were left with memories,
memories of us as friends.

Like the water and paint,
they blend.
Like a flash storm,
it'll end.
Before I could make a sound,
before I could turn around,
you're gone.
without a trace,
like the indie lable song.

Alfie (c) .2009 ]

Et si j'ai dit que je vous ai aimés, diriez-vous oui aussi ? Cela être assez?

I'm getting out of my mind.

2009-09-14T03:45:00.000-07:00

Mood: Bewildered, dumbfounded.

Enjoying: Jazz and whiskey.

HI PEOPLE. you might wonder why I'm always indulging in alcohol. Well, you can do it too, if you have a bottle of whiskey and you have only 3 or 4 shots max everyday. Works wonder for your system ;)

okayyyyy so.. Its a monday. and I came home early. Fuck prelims. Anyway hers a little something that I sent to someone. Kinda love it.

Its untitled though. hehe

[It seemed like it was today when I realise the truth,
the truth about me, not you.
My admiration for you knows no boundaries,
and even though I know you've got him,
but I'll still think of you when the lights have dimmed.
Shake me awake from this dream,
a dream of you and me,
but I know chances of it are slim.

I asked myself,
"what would she do, what is there to lose?"
but I've always knew reality was being crude.
"Goodbye friendship, hello heartache."
these words lingered in my head.
These words haunt me on my bed.
For every dream I had,
I dreamt them all for you.
For all the dreams I kept,
I reserved them all for you.
Do not doubt this,
for all is true.

I never thought it'll start,
and I don't want this to part.
Loving is an art,
so be my canvas.
Be one of the parts.
The part that completes the puzzle,
keep these eyes hazel.

I would be your best inamorato,
but I'll be hiding in the cold.
For your every glance takes away my soul.
Grant me the wish to be by your side,
spare me the tears, don't make me cry.
I'll say goodbye to alone if you would,
I'll say I love you, a lot, if I should.

Alfie .(c) 2009.

happy belated birthday, Elaina!

2009-09-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

Mood: JOVIAL!

Enjoying: Star Movies and Whiskey for company! (because Elaina's party was so straight edged LOL)

Hoi! Yea hey. So it was likke 11.45pm did I reach home and I've decided to write a poetry for my birthday girl, Elaina!

Title's

When God Decided To Show Off.

Because he was underestimate,
he took up his pen.
He drew a figure on the paper,
a figure with tiny hands.
A girl the size of a mouse,
a girl with the heart the size of a bear.
mesmerized many,
she was proud,
Like a morning magpie,
thats how her voice had sound.
"before you is perfection," God said
"and now I lend her to you, return me on this date."
For He loved His creation too much,
and he's afraid she'll start of fade.
He wants to give her to someone,
a responsible mate.

The time will come where he will take her back,
the time she'll take her last waltz dance.
He'll show to the Angels of ranks,
how much of a success he had done in this day.
The ninth day on the ninth month of the year '96,
She made everyone feel honoured,
she made everyone feel pround.
And her beatuy will not stop until the seventh trumpet sound.

Alfie (c). 2009

To live or not to?

2009-09-08T03:32:00.000-07:00

HI PEOPLE! ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I'VE LAST POSTED ANY THING HERE! I apologise for that! Yea. O level's catching up with us and I can't take time off to post anything. Life is going well and of course, what is life without storms?

NO STORM SHALT CAPSIZE THE SHIP WHENCE I ART THY CAPTAIN!

Yea. I've written a new one. Its called.

A Lullaby For the broken hearted.

Lessons learnt from break up are always present,

Heartbreaker will stay triumphant forever.

I tried crawling out of the debris,

and in my soliloquy,

I cried out, wanting to be free.

I told my friends I never wanted to bleed.

I only knew how much razor blades can hurt me,

never knew how much you could too.

All the times I spent on you,

all the telephone bill I spent on you,

the times I got blamed for loving you.

It never held me back,

but why girl,

why have you left?

Why have you leave me to Mr. Death?

You left me crying like a fool.

I never knew you could cry in your sleep,

I never knew how tragic it is,

to be awaken every night by your nightmare.

Girl you were in all my dreams,

being good or bad.

For the last time,

I want you to know how much you mean to me.


Alfie. (C) 2009

..

2009-02-11T04:45:00.000-08:00

Mood: Pathetic.

Enjoying: Suicidal thoughts

Ahh hello readers. Sorry for the irregular posts. Didn't have time to post.

Well valentines day's just around the corner.. It sucks big time.

Well. I need some inspiration. So I'll postpone the poem to some other time. Cheers peeps.

Please tell me you love me too.

err..?

2009-02-01T04:48:00.000-08:00

Mood: ...

Enjoying: Long Black coffee.

Sure was a long day. Been at great granny's from 12pm - 4pm. Like oh-em-eff-gee long please.
Yea of course, being in a quiet corner, memories and thoughts of what was, what wasn't,what is gonna be, and what is never gonna be. Therefore, with this equation, I got the final answer of it being another Poem. So I asked for a piece of a4 paper and a pen, and started composing. (Boy oh boy, those adults that understand English loved my poem so much. And I'm proud of it. )

This one is called,

[Till Death Do Us Part ?]

[Walking down the chapel,
Glancing down those eyes, hazel.
I swore the God,
But it's simply too odd.
I recited: "Till death, will us part."
The crowd went: "is it from the bottom of your heart?"
I woke up in an instance,
It was just a nightmare I thought,
A nightmare that made me sob.
Being a person made of tears,
I've cried for the pass 2 years.
Everyday and ever night,
that I cried,
I glance down the street,
a street full of blinding lights.

I know I'm never good for you,
I know it hurts to hear the truth.
I thought you would love me the same,
boy oh boy, I'm just being insane.
I know I could never be like him.
the perfect, perfect him.
to you he is all,
but he won't catch you when you fall.
I will my darling, I promise you.
I will stay by you.
Well, this is never new.
I'm just a phone call away always.

Dear, you are never the same,
when that day has came.
the day I told you I love you so
I thought it was nice for you had know.
Well girl, those are words from my soul.
From this last sentence, I wish you goodbye,
And it's a forever goodnight.

Alfie (c) 2009.]

girl, just talk to me again. Just call me your friend, and I can die happy. I swear.

Omg.

2009-01-27T21:25:00.001-08:00

Mood: Well, soso.

Enjoying: the smell or cold hard cash.. And Starbucks coffee (didn't know hot coffee would taste oh-so-awesome)

well, its been a nice CNY.. Money, food, going out. Whats there not to love?

Ahh.. CNY would be perfect if its not for you ): my only regret.. How I wish I could share my joy with you.

Yepyep today we had this sorta lousy celebration party in school. But our class's was the BEST-EST since we had "Yu-Sheng" thingy but without the "Yu (fish)" Safe for consumption.. Yea.

Anyway, inspirations came knocking, so I decided to compose another one..

Its called,

[She Loves Me So.

I told a lie, a lie to you.
My dear friends, here's the truth.
I thought she loved me too.
it was just a thought, nothing more.
The thought popped out, as I face the four walls.
Well, I wanted to write a story,
about my bitter-sweet history.
This affection is painful,
even when I played it by the rules.
I told myself that she loves me so,
just so I can fill this deep deep hole,
in the depths of my heart,
where the hammer strucked.

I lay my head on this wet pillow,
as I cried out my sorrow.
I thought, She loves me so.
I just want you to know,
darling dear, I love you so.
The truth hurts as we all know.
It hurt so much, it damages your soul.
As I pen this down, feeling the ache,
the ache in my heart that I can never fake.
Darling, if its not today that I'll leave,
Then tomorrow shall be the day that I won't breath.

Like the morns' sun, mesmerizing and charming,
yet sorrowful and harming.
You dazzle me with your light of charm,
and that body, I want to wrap it with my arm.
I crave for thy affection too,
I crave for the same I gave you.

Alfie (c) 2009.]

And its not everyday that I go to sleep and not wake up in the middle of it. I think of you. Everyday, dream of you everynight.

daugh!

2009-01-23T17:20:00.000-08:00

Mood: Non-festive mood

Enjoying: History channel

Hey people! Yea. Its been 2 day since I've blogged. Things are working out fine for me if only we could start talking. Sigh. Its hard I know but, well, time will be the remedy for everything.. Except cancer.. And aids.. and... Ahh you get the picture.

Yea. I dug out some poems in my book-o-poems on thursday, I found a couple. And yes they are all composed by me!

Its known as, [Rose,Blood and sugar.

Withering rose,

gripped by its owner,

who used to have a heart of gold.

7miles seems way too far,

on my barefeet,

I walked through the devils arc.

Lord bestow me dagger,

Lord bestow me sword.

Victim's blood tasted not like anything,

but sugar.

humming every rhythm,

singing every note.

think of the words,

yesterday I just spoke:

"Be the note that starts the serenade,

be the desire that sets my heart ablaze

I swear, my love will never fade away."

Alfie. 2009 (c)]

J'ai besoin de ne vous aime jamais avant, le chéri

Wtf?

2009-01-21T03:49:00.001-08:00

Mood: Pissed and sad.

Enjoying: the irritating Shop N' Save advertisement, played on loop.

Today sucked hardcore can. I mean. I said hi ok. Guess what she did? Just walked away. wtf yo!

At least just smile or say hi right? Its not like I'm gonna pummel you or anything. Am I THAT hateable? Ok sometimes, towards teachers I am, but to HER I've always been a fucking angel. What does she want from me actually? God, tell me the answer. I'm losing faith in You once more!

Ok, lets set the the anger aside. And lets talk about poems! Yea we love poems. Right Right Right? lol..

I call this one:

Disaster Speaks For itself.

[Crashed down loudly, Like the thunder,

Flash away quickly, my heart start to flutter.

With joy, theres a price.

A price that comes with anything nice.

Life is like a joke, Its like a story,

A story written, written blindly.

Its all random crap.

Its all random plans.

God wrote them all,

all in his plot.

All and all,

our misery is His fault.
Alfie. 2009 (c) ]

I wrote this like in school during physics.. So don't blame me for the bad language :)

burp

2009-01-19T05:14:00.000-08:00

Mood: Daze, Tears and Beers.

Enjoying: Some alcohol to keep me in a daze. So I won't think about you, and Hawthorne Heights.

Well, Its been tiring today, I mean, its a long day, with mock exams and all. And guess what. PE after Mock Exam. And PE before MATH! How am I supposed to concentrate lol. Well, anyway I managed. Thank God. hehe.

Well, was out having lunch with Priscilla. KFC. Shit I'm not supposed to have them! but oh well :/ what is done is done. xD

As we were waiting for time to pass, I took time and wrote a new creation.

It's: Night, Light, Life, Goodbye

[Street lights are ever so blinding,

Mythoughts of all our fun times are burning.

I woke up in the nights, those that I sleep in,

And nightmares shake me awake.

Those nightmares that keep me dazed.

I wish to die under this very light,

this bright light in this very night.

I tried to fly, I tried to glide.

But the laws of physics had denied.

Lord, oh Lord, why is she doing in my life?

I try to stab myself blind, just so I won't see her,

in the holy lights.

I run my life on rewind,

passing those times we once shared.

those beautiful moments we once had.

All I want from you is to talk to me once more.

I took a deep breathe, let out one deep sigh.

One more breathe, before I say goodbye.

Alfie. 2009 (c) ]

{I dedicate every single creation to you. I hope you love them all.}

Mutillation is a brutal, yet beautiful art.

2009-01-18T03:16:00.000-08:00

Mood: Like how I've been feeling for the pass weeks.

Enjoying: The company of my plushies.

21 nights, waking up crying. Miserable as hell. Oh well, thats part and parcel of life anyways.

Thank you Chunsen and Priscilla, for talking to me over the phone. Thank you. For if the both of you didn't talked to me, I would've done something silly. Thank you sabby for being my messanger. Thank you <3

Anyways, I just took a few minutes yesterday night and wrote another poem whilst being over the phone with Priscilla.

I call this one, The reason why I lived.

[I put my life on standby.

hung my heart from a fine fine line.

I lay down in this empty room,

on it's dirt infested floor,

Thinking of the moments,

I was big big fool.

The moments I look at you,

I look away in shame,

I dare not look straight in to your angelic face.

I cry when I stand still,

I cry when I sit.

I cry every minute,

I cry when I sleep.

I see you in my dreams,

Those dreams that make me bleed.

You are my blood, bone and sunshine,

The simple reason to why I'm still alive.

Alfie. 2009 (c)]

To You: I may not be what you dream for, but I'm making sure I will be at least half of what you want.

wow.. no no no way.. hah.

2009-01-17T02:57:00.000-08:00

Mood: How would you feel if you've cried for an entire night yesterday?

Enjoying: The quietness of the 4 walls

Hey readers. Yea.Typical day, typical sunshine mixed with the winds. Went out with Chunsen to chill out. We talked alot. About life, about girls, about anything under the sun.. Yes even studies.. Then now, I'm all alone at home again. thats when thoughts starts playing yet again. Seeking the answers to why you're not talking to me anymore. I thank you for your 1 word text reply.

Yea and hence. Inspirations kicked my in the butt again. I call this

[The Grey-blue Sky.

under the clear blue sky,

my heart tried to decide.

Should I let you go?

Or should I make you by my side.

Everytime I try,

To speak to you.

Even try to say goodbye.

I'd look at you,

in those dark pearl eyes.

you'd look away

You'd make my heart sway.

you hate me,yes you do.

now i've decided

I shall let this affection ended.

like the sound of the swaying trees.

like the sound of the crackling sticks

I will leave without a trace.

I will leave, today.

In case you're reading this blog, I dedicate every single poem, every drop of tears and blood to you.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

2009-01-16T05:23:00.001-08:00

Mood: Pathetically pathetic.

Enjoying: The joy of not having adults at home.

Long time since I blogged huh. Yea bloody hell. sucks to be me.. I saw her today.. Was at school's opposite's basketball court. Was having fun with Khairi and a new kid, and thats when I saw her. I was fucking devasted by the fact of her looking away when I tried to make eye contact with her. Wtf have I done wrong? Was it something I said? Or was it something I did? Whatever the reason, she hates me now. I feel like an utter failure. I hate myself for loving her. Ihate myself for the fact that she doesn't even talk to me now..

I miss her calling me her brother, I miss her voice, I miss her jumping around when we talk, and pouting when something happens to her. I miss the time we were still close friends. But now. Its all a fantasy I could only think about. I miss her. Utterly miss her. I tried ramming myself to death on the wall, apparently, it didn't work. Blame it on the media for telling us that we could die when we ram the wall..

Yea heres about all I wanted to say. No poems for today since I'm devastated.. Utterly devastated. last but not least, I just wanna let you know how much you mean to me, dearest.

silence..

2008-10-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

Mood:Like always.

enjoying: The breeze and a cuppa latte.

Just so y'all know, I'm not at home. I'm outside mcdonalds.. somehow, theres a "WiFi" leakage LOL. I'm able to use it in a park nearby (yes I'm at the west side)

yea. the irony. Morning breeze, sitting outside mcdonalds and watching the wave crash and all makes you feel even more depressed lol.

Yea. Inspiration strucks me as well as depression. Peaceful morning.

I call this one, Silence In Black And White (tribute to Hawthorne Heights especially Casey Calvert.But majorly how I felt about my "intriguing" love for her[you])

As I clicked on my TV remote,
Came a knock on a door,
and he left there a note
its the grim, his sign-off told me so
its the grim, in his handwriting, so cold.
colours starts to fade,
and a loud boom, it sounded like a grenade.
everything stopped.
everything halt.
flashes of memory began to crawl.
not too long later, memories began to stop.
on the images we once had,
on the good times we once shared.

I tried to forget,
I tried to reject.
On the story never told,
on the story that never ends.
for I promise to wait for yo my dear,
forever and ever.
but the price it too high to pay.
but I know its now or never.

Somehow, I managed to step outside.
Everything was silent.
Everything was black and white.
My sight flickering as it may seem,
everything became slower than me.
as if I was dead.
as if I was never there.
I tried calling everyone out.
but they seem to ignore me.
I tried shouting them out,
even those that didn't know me.

I cried and I sobbed.
I cried and I weeped.
Figurines starts to bob.
those that know who were we.
We were good friends.
Brother and sister.
now we became nothing,
Its you and a stranger.
A stranger that knows you well,
a stranger that wants you now.
A stranger that became lifeless.
in the fight to seize the crown.
the crown of your love,
its the reason he was hurt.
and it was for your love,
did he realise,
he'd better sleep and die.
he just wants to bless you,
when you sleep everynight.

Soon, the church bell sounded,
my soul, was once again hounded.
not long, it was finally blinded.
by the white light you gave out,
before the grace I fell down.
like an angel, beautiful yet hard to hold,
like the devil, you took my soul.

I will miss you, I said out loud.
I will love you, not only now..

Copyrighted (c) Alfie ]

Girl, every time I think I have, its a shot of a gun, directly hitting my heart. and everytime I dream of you, its the sinking of the dagger, deep into the heart slowly carving out your name. I thank you for the time we spent before.

....... oh my.

2008-10-27T03:01:00.000-07:00

Mood: Lonely, disappointment, depression all in one.

Enjoying: Loneliness. and the quiet sounds of being loveless

Has been raining! Embrace the rain and step out into the open, I don't think so. Its just too fucking heavy lol.
It just has to rain on this couple of days. When you're feeling blue and all. Raining just makes it worst. I've been thinking bout her(you) like for a long time. The tears can't fall whilst the crowd, and I can't step out in the rain. MY PSP IS AT STAKE! Yea just when its ok to step outside for a bit, family member came home. Damn.

To You: girl, I know times are getting hard on ya. Its ok. Just take a deep breathe, stand up again.

just trying to find out what have I done to deserve the cold shoulders from you. If I've offended you in anyways I'm sorry. I'd do whatever thati is necessary to get back to you, like a friend. I love you girl, I do not wish to see you hurt yourself like that. I hate myself for not being there for you. I'm sorry.

to end it all, a poem, which I call The Last Goodbye.

[Starting the engine of a car,
Sitting in it, watching the stars,
from the sun roof in a night ever so dark..
I believe its the last goodbye,
murmurs the Fallen Boy,
I'd rather be treated like a toy.
as he pens a letter down,
he heard a gentle sound.
its from his stereo,
a song bing called Being Here Right Now (this is a song that I'm currently writing)
thats how he felt, about you, my dear.
thats how he feel over the pass 2 years.
"If I had collected all my tears" he said.
"I'll fucking drown you in them."
upon finishing the last sentence, tears flowed down.
upon hearing this words, absurb as it may sound,
I feel for him. For his sadness is what I feel,
only, my wound could never heal.
every night I look upon the stars,
I join them up.
I see a picture, a girl holding a heart.
Apparently she took them,
never returning.
She took away whats left of us.
the two Fallen ones. With the same goal.
To get to know the girl,
They thought they once know.
hurt as they are.
fearful as they are.
They wish to look at her.
under the walkway's arc.
Its two seperate entities, they all know.
and its 2 hearts having the same kind of hole.
Drilled by love's construction team.
Leaving a hole that so deep.

From me to you girl, I'd pray for you
From me to you girl, I'll hold you when you're feeling blue.
All I need is a chance from you,
so I could be there, even if life is being crude.
for the second Fallen one.
who happens to be me.
He wish to evaporate, just like steam.
for you would not even talk to him, for you would not even look at him.
for you have been him a cold shoulder,
ever since he said accept me girl.
he cried and he bleed,
popped pills just to sleep.
he wish he could call you his darling,
or even just give you a simple ring.
on the telephone.
"oh,its so hard" he lament.
for his misery is never known.
Even if his courage is form beyond,
all he dares to do now is to blog.
about how he feels and how he treats himself.

Like a mannequin he stood there frozen,
like a mannequin he's soul got stolen.
he wish for you to return him his soul,
for he needs to tell you,
what you never know.
Misery is his only company,
for no knew no one bothers if he bleeds.

Copyrighted Alfie (c). ]

yea so its about all that I have.

Have a nice day readers =)

well.. what could I say?

2008-10-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

Mood: Part happy part sad.. Mostly sad ;(

Enjoying: Alone time in Atlantica Online! and Hawthorne heights.

Hey guys! Yea went out with chunsen today. Helluva so-so go-out. And went to Kha!r! de douchebag's crib and crash for awhile.. I swear his one helluva lucky kid since no one is around most of the time!..

Yea thing went pretty well xcept the part of me not having enough gold for my pro-ass gear in atlantica (FUCK!!)

[and the part of me thinking bout you, was simply, exasperating. I hate that.. I really wish I could see you again. Like.. again. cuz i've been missing you real badly. It bleeds on the inside. Haven't really laughed to my hearts content. Even to the funnies of comedians. No. Haven't been really fly ass happy.. For I know a day missing you is a day in paradise, and an eternity in disaster zone. Seasons changed from Spring to Winter in an instance, stars don't shine no more. they crash down to earth.. couples don't love each other no more and the world is black. No grass no trees. Just black abyss. Even the snow flakes turned black in the world. I fall down to my knees and pray for you to take a look at me once again. Just a glance. It'd make me feel better.]

{topping it all off, I call this one, The dream of my life.

like the aurora, mysterious yet mesmerizing.
like the rose, beautiful but pricking.
like the sky, captivating yet hard to reach.
like the stars, your eyes glitter,
like tough medcine, the love is bitter.
like a child needs his blanket, I need your love.
like a nation at war, my heart had thwarted,
like the defence line, my will faltered.
I bleed and I cry every single night,
I miss you girl, I miss the sight.
of you being around with me,
jumping like a kid.
I miss the time of talking to you,
which gives me a wide grin.
I lied about me forgetting bout you, girl, this story is simply true.
my undying love have been given to you,
I hope you'd give me yours too.
I wish right now I could die,
die away in this very night.
hope that I could jump,
down from this very height.
if eight floors ain't enough
I'll make it ten.
if ten ain't enough,
I'll kill myself with my own bare hands.
Lord I invoke thee,
bless her when she sleeps.
for her happiness is the best present Thou can give me.
I don't need eternal life,
I don't need to be by Thy side.
for her happiness, is my life.

copyright*(c) Alfie 2008}

thats bout all I'm posting today!

Girl, I hope you'd see this.. ily.

Oh yea..

2008-10-19T23:08:00.001-07:00

Mood: I feel like my thoughts are getting the better of my emotions.

Enjoying: Nothing!

hey. Yea. Have been feeling real bad recently. I think you are the reason. Afterall, I've been lying to myself for the pass month or so. The feeling never really died away. It alway lingers, waiting for the right time to strike.. I miss you suddenly yea.. Had a dream bout you yesterday night. it was beautiful. I swear. At least I could see you once more..

It was a mistake to have fallen for you from the start.

2008-10-12T08:02:00.001-07:00

Mood: Tired!

Enjoying: Rock session alone!

Yea life sucks I know.. Now I know how it feels like to work... The exhaustion!! OMFG!!

Nothing else to blog.. Just complain about work thats all T.T Cya guys!! =)

Girl IMY!

OMG?

2008-10-10T23:36:00.001-07:00

Mood:Happy yet Exhausted

Enjoying:The air. :( no pay no enjoyment.

Hello peeps. Been so long since I blogged. Cuz I'm working~ yea.. Yes! its at chevron house on 13th-15th, the maybank road show! drag your mommy and your daddy etc down to the roadshow, and Stand a chance to win a Porsche Limited Edition Miniature set, Exclusively at the Maybank Roadshow! Its easy! Just sign up with ME: ALFRED! hahahaha... Min Requirement:30k salary per YEAR age group between 21-60!!

Basically, I'm just standing there like a block asking people to sign up for the card. So if you happen to pass by Chevron house at Raffles Place, remember to drag your moms and dads or whoever is working, 21-60 years old and have a yearly salary up to 30k here to the roadshow AND REMEMBER TO LOOK FOR ALFRED!! =)

Girl, sorry I don't have time for you yea? I'll make it a point to text you during lunch =)

hehehehehe

2008-10-06T21:16:00.000-07:00

Mood:Dreamy! And irritated by vacuum cleaner.

Enjoying:Some Jason Mraz's and coffee

Hey people! Was just wonder what to wear for prom. Penguin suit or Gangster? hmm..

Yea yesterday night was AWESOME.. Called Babyboo and chatted for quite long yo!! From 6/7pm to 11pm. had a brief pause luh.. Sweetsweet man! Love her lots. Gahh nothing more to crap bout. Waiting for some picture to blog xD alright

Signing off!! Ciao!

Baby, lets make yesterday night a permanent thing.

HOLY!

2008-10-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

Mood: Awesomely Happy!

Enjoying: Lazy afternoon with Secondhand Serenade!

Hey my homies,homelets, bros and sistas! hehehe. Yea its HOLIDAY FOR US NA STUDENTS! N lvls over, stress's (temporarily) over~ yea.. awesome huh?

Well I came across a GIRLS blog. Apparently she things shes GOT IT ALL. Y'all know what I'm saying? Like holymcfuckertonfuckfuckfucksterfuckshitpoopiefuckmcfuckfuckfuckflipflapfuckfuckfuckflatfuck yea, thats how bad it is. Obnoxious brat! Shan't even use the insulting B word lest I wanna get into shits x).

So happy today and yesterday. Had a brief chat with my babyboo. round an hour+++ only. I know it sounds absurb LOL. But usually our chatting spree don't end till the 3rd hour. Well living with your granny simply stinks! Cuz of school and all. No privacy AT ALL. Oh well! Life is like that ch'yall! lol.

Right gotta run now.

Alfie signing off!

Girl, I know times are getting hard! Allswell for your exam! loveya <3

WOAH HOOHOO!!

2008-10-05T03:03:00.000-07:00

Mood: BORED

Enjoying: Air =)

Hey sup peeps! so long since I tagged! Anyway, anybody's got some special request for RE4 mods you can contact me =) its only for PC btw.

Hey girl I love you!

WHAT THE!! On the real? hahaha yea cool.

2008-09-30T04:03:00.000-07:00

Mood: Joyous!

Enjoying: As I Lay Dying!! coupled with beer and stuff like that

Hey sup guys! been couple of days since I last blogged. Bored as hell. Bored as hell I'm saying it out loud. But still, Art, Sci, English, Chinese, Social Studies and maths paper one is DOWN THE SCHIZZLE MY FRIENDS! N lvl sucks donkey on the real. Yea so I shan't continue ranting =) Cya!

If we could take it all back, I'll make it a better relationship =)

WHAT? oh cool. Nasty nasty.. I love it man!

2008-09-25T17:50:00.000-07:00

Mood:Pretty mixed up.

Enjoying: Quality time with my PC.

Hey sup guys. Yea. Life is getting on pretty badly. Had a good cry ystd. Won't go into details. Yea. I should've went to school y'know what I'm saying. Staying at home just sucks. Yea. So maybe I'll blog more later tonight maybe I should.. yea..

One night stand is not good, cuz, maybe you're drunk, and while mid-humping, the drunkness starts to wearoff and you just realised the girl is like ab lincoln's wife- Dane Cook

yes yes baby. I miss you quite suddenly.

Yea.. uh hmm.. Most probably yes.

2008-09-25T06:50:00.000-07:00

Mood: Love Sick

Enjoying: The loneliness of not hearing your voice tonight.

yea hey guys. Promised to blog today night yea? heh.. Yea anways was put studying with Jerry, Priscilla and Georgina(who came later) yea and met up with Babyboo! she's so adorable <3 love her to bits. Yea so now, I'm missing her voice, since shes not avaliable to talk. So sad huh.. Yea this is Alfie signing off =)

Girl I swear I'll love you for the rest of my life. Even if it takes 2 eternity to love you and all. I swear I will do it. You're my one and only baby love I swear I won't leave you. You're the reason I'm breathing now. Let me hold you and never let you go. If till death do us part is not enough, till the end of time isn't enough, then I swear its for an eternity, 10 eternities, 100 eternities. I love you baby

Gasp! Really? ON THE REAL?!

2008-09-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

Mood: Overjoyed

Enjoying: The breeze from the morning ;)

Awesome. Didn't go to school ystd. Awesome stuff. Gonna go study with Prisc and all. Gonna meet my babyboo too! ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Ystd had a really awesome time chatting with babyboo. Yea glad didn't went to school today. Stayed up till 3 in the morning just tryna fix my RE4 on PC wtfbbq.. Right. Will post this afternoon. Alfie- Signing off =)

Babyboo I love you!

Wow. awesome. Pretty cute. Nice..

2008-09-23T05:14:00.000-07:00

Mood: Happy. On the extreme

Enjoying: Some beer

Hey guys!! Yea. It was fun yo! Went dinner-ing with chunsen and jackson and jackson's girl.. I swear Jackson's girl is H-O-T yo. Perfect figure. 8/10 for the overall (raise eyebrow) Pretty fun too. So they were supposed to study, as in Jackson, then he brought nothing. I swear.. LOL.

So had a hellova chat with a friend of mine yesterday, pretty fun as well. Love her majorly. Bahh gonna stop my post now. Rather tired. =)

I miss you,still,girl

I swear.. seriously, I swear.

2008-09-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

Mood:HAPPY LIKE.. HAPPINESS

Enjoying: Coffee and maybe Resident Evil 4 on PC.

Yea hey there hey.. ummm... so today went pretty smoothly since chem was a blast. Literally, yea and was out studying with Pricks Serene and Georgie(nipple) Yea.. Awkward. they(prics and nipple) spent like the entire time taking pictures. Yea.. sucks right? AND they made a picture of my unglam-ness till it looks like Norbit. Thanks for that. (I swear its damn funny)

I swear I've been missing you more and more girl.

Maybe yes.. most prolly no. Up to you.

2008-09-20T22:56:00.000-07:00

Mood: Holyshitly bored.

Enjoying: ok so what can you enjoy when you're bored stiff?

Yea. and as the you can tell from the Mood and enjoying thingy. I'm bored as f*ck.. I mean. whats there to do in SG? sucks sofa-king much! God I miss my games and all. Silly comp.. Yea ystd night I went supposingly Studying with priscilla, her boyfriend and her sister(wan-nipple). Pretty late. Around lets see.. 8 going to 9? or is it 9 going to 10.. hmm.. yea and so after "studying" we went swinging on a couple of swing in swingville. and yea it was pretty spooky to be swinging in night but the fun just overcame the fear.. And with this I end this POST... (When a girl cocks her leg infront of her, your just driven into fuckville [dane cook])

Hmm well.. Huh... Oh ic..

2008-09-19T03:37:00.000-07:00

Mood: Mixed up

Enjoying: Some black metal and prolly some other lil love song , accompanied some Ice Cold Cola

Well, sometimes, life just sucks since you get misunderstood now and then. Like for me, I was supposingly kidding with a good friend of mine, and well, it pissed him off. Bahh despite the apology he still wouldn't listen. Oh well. Yea I promise to blog more often like I did. Since I got sick and tired writing in my freaking diary. So yea. Thats all =)

Ps. Girl, would you give me a chance?

HELLO

2008-09-18T04:06:00.000-07:00

Feeling: Happy
Enjoying: Cuppa Coffee and some Jason Mraz

Hey guys sup. Yea this be my return yo! awesome huh?

Still missing you girl.