Mood: I'm sick of tired of everything. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Greetings readers.
First of all, Merry x'mas, be it a good one or a fucked up one. Its pretty awesome to know that your friends are with you when you need them. Really. It is. Guess what? Knowing that the girl you like will be there with you is an AWESOME deal. Even better than having the entire world with you. Because he/she had to leave early, you would wanna treasure every minute with he/she, right? You want to send 'em home but ignorant people will insist that they take a cheaper deal of public transport, leaving you to think "Hey! I'm suppose to send he/she home!" You really can't blame that ignorant individual, really. He's just oblivious to his surrounding.. Thats one thing thats not going as planned.
Its steamboat time! Everyone, the ones you know, the ones you don't, are crowding around the steamboat, dumping food and scooping them out of the pot. "Psst", The sound of beer cans opening resonated around. Everyone was having the time of their life. Somehow, you'll be sensing something missing. Somewhere along the way, you might have left something behind. Somehow, something is not in place. Perhaps its your wallet? No. Its in your pocket. Your phone? Its in your hands, for crying out loud. Your MP3 player? Can't be. You're listening to it. Maybe its the sight of the one you think you will get together with. Yes. This is it. Oh well, since he/she is busy, you thought, just let them be. You open a can of beer, finished it, and continued eating. Without the one you want to be with around, thats the second thing that did not go as planned.
You text them, hoping they could accompany you since everyone is not at home. You're alone. You want someone to accompany you. They tell you they have something on. You smiled and fixed another day. You waited. And they finally told you its okay to fix it at 2 days later. You feel happy. Thats went as planned.
You got home, you got on your instant messaging account. You hope to see them online, and they are. They are online, just sitting there. You double click on their list. You chatted with them and you double confirmed the date. And you felt hopeful. You feel that you will stand a chance with them and you went ahead to drop a hint, or at least to find out their marital status. You asked: "So, I assume you ain't got a boyfriend or girlfriend right?" and they replied "Sort of." You got caught off guard. You staggered. Your pupils widen. You break into a cold sweat. Then you go, sounding as happy as you possibly can: " HAHA! So I assume you're gonna be together anytime soon?" and they reply: " most probably after my exams." your world came crashing down on you. You just can't brace yourself, you fell on your knees. You tried composing yourself. You try to shake the feeling off. Too bad, they linger. Without saying goodbye, you logged off, jumped into your bed, wishing you could sleep it away. Thats the last thing that has not went as planned. You give up.
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."
Bloody as hell true! By knowing she love someone else it already could tear you apart. What more watching them do what you did with them.
Alright, enough of my shit. I'll suck it up and move on! Talk to y'all next time!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Mood: Normal. Apathetic.
Hi, my fellow readers!
Just came back from supper with my gramma. Its happy to know that she has something to do to kill time other than watching TV and rotting.
On my way out to meet my granny, I saw 2 couples, a chinese - malay couple and an indian or paki couple quarelling. I don't exactly know what was going on. At the back of my head, I was thinking, "Hey, perhaps both of you should sit down and talk bout stuff instead of yelling your lungs out at each other." I mean, with a calm state of mind, what can not be accomplished? And this, again, gave me this urge to tell them: "Hey, look, people out there are more pathetic than you are, take a fucking look around and see the lost and lonesome souls that are crying."
Have you ever wondered why some hateful people can have a partner in his or her life while you simply are just sitting here in the hall, thinking about when you'll be attached and stuff. Well don't! Because he or she could jolly well be outside your door waiting, or she could be on her way to you, by somehow got lost amid the crowd, looking for your face. Don't give up. They will be here someday. Just you wait.
"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story. - 500 days of summer."
Of course, this is usually what happens in your life. But have you ever tried starting you own love story? Perhaps thats what many of us to do. Boy likes girl, girl returns feeling to boy, they kiss, they break up, they got back together. This is a script, a plot. Its a plot written halfway. Have you ever thought of it BEYOND getting back together? Like Marriage. Perhaps divorce? I don't know. Maybe humans will never be as good as God in every way. Even in scripting a story. Every of our lives are a play. And our existance is for God's entertainment.
"Tom, don't go! You're still my best friend!" - Summer, 500 days of summer.
I don't know about you, but I sure hate this sentence. I don't wanna be your best friend when I said I want to be your boyfriend. Usually, they will be your best friend, yes, but they are your best friend that avoids you. Ouch, right?
I sure hope my posts leave you thinking and I would like a response from you guys! Just leave your name and tell me what I should improve on!
Love,
Alfie(:
Hi, my fellow readers!
Just came back from supper with my gramma. Its happy to know that she has something to do to kill time other than watching TV and rotting.
On my way out to meet my granny, I saw 2 couples, a chinese - malay couple and an indian or paki couple quarelling. I don't exactly know what was going on. At the back of my head, I was thinking, "Hey, perhaps both of you should sit down and talk bout stuff instead of yelling your lungs out at each other." I mean, with a calm state of mind, what can not be accomplished? And this, again, gave me this urge to tell them: "Hey, look, people out there are more pathetic than you are, take a fucking look around and see the lost and lonesome souls that are crying."
Have you ever wondered why some hateful people can have a partner in his or her life while you simply are just sitting here in the hall, thinking about when you'll be attached and stuff. Well don't! Because he or she could jolly well be outside your door waiting, or she could be on her way to you, by somehow got lost amid the crowd, looking for your face. Don't give up. They will be here someday. Just you wait.
"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story. - 500 days of summer."
Of course, this is usually what happens in your life. But have you ever tried starting you own love story? Perhaps thats what many of us to do. Boy likes girl, girl returns feeling to boy, they kiss, they break up, they got back together. This is a script, a plot. Its a plot written halfway. Have you ever thought of it BEYOND getting back together? Like Marriage. Perhaps divorce? I don't know. Maybe humans will never be as good as God in every way. Even in scripting a story. Every of our lives are a play. And our existance is for God's entertainment.
"Tom, don't go! You're still my best friend!" - Summer, 500 days of summer.
I don't know about you, but I sure hate this sentence. I don't wanna be your best friend when I said I want to be your boyfriend. Usually, they will be your best friend, yes, but they are your best friend that avoids you. Ouch, right?
I sure hope my posts leave you thinking and I would like a response from you guys! Just leave your name and tell me what I should improve on!
Love,
Alfie(:
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Nope nothing.
Mood: Sour.
Enjoying: tang yuan! (love)
Hi once again. Here to rant about stuff. Feeling SO much again at 1:32. I really love this blog. I can talk about stuff I have never told before to anyone. Its like my little exposed secret diary. I don't post bout stuff I do with my pals, with my nerfers and with my computer but I do post what I feel. It's after midnight and well, its usually my time of the day, or night, when I'm not sleeping, that I look around me. In the home I've stayed in for 17 years. In the pictures in my picture album. My mother, my father I once knew, my granny and her now. My great-aunt and how she is now. Kinda brings the sour to my nose to realise how much I've let slipped by.
Well, grammy's watching TV and I'm here posting this. Still, I can't help shedding tears. Her aged face only can age even further. Her hands coarse from all the chores, the time she hugged me when I cry alone in my room. The times she yelled at me for leaving my light on after I went to the bathroom. I start to want them back. Grand aunt. The one that dotes me the most yet gets on my nerve the most. I know she nag and ask all too much question because she cares for me, but I can't help but lose it at her sometimes. I feel really apologetic. Mom. A strong 36 year old lady that single handedly raised a kid. Shes sleeping now but I so wish she could just give me one tight embrace right now. I miss the time she would play with me and sing me songs so as to stop me from crying. Seeing her coming home every night with the super tired look, I wanna hug her and tell her "mom, thank you for everything. I love you." its just these simple words yet I feel so hard to let them out. If my teeth are bars from the cells, I would willingly take them all out. Dad. You're a fucking jerk but yes, I miss you. I miss the time you would sit around in the living room with me, watching TV, telling me to work hard to be a member of the SWAT. I am working on it.. I'll show you I can do it. I'll get into the SWAT, I'll get into the Spetznaz, I will get into the SAS. I will prove it to you that without you, I'm still the Man you wanted me to be. And I really do feel like breaking your face for the number of times you made Mom cry. When I left the home we once shared, trust me, I kept looking back. I wish you would race out and hold mom's hand and tell her to not leave you. And that you promise to be a better man.
I will never get closer to my family ever. As it is broken, I wanna break free. I'm no longer a kid. I wanna strike it out on my own.
Enough of family. Thinking about the one that I adore the most. You, girl. You.. I always hope to see you online when ever I get online at 1.00 PM. You have your life yes but I really miss talking to you. You never cease to cheer me up. Even a simple smiling emoticon will make me smile ever so much, ever so hard. You weren't talking much to me yesterday, and I've got to admit. I got paranoid. I got sad. But oh well. Theres a stigma in me after the previous episode I had with another girl that left her prints in my life. I'm afraid to start anything with anyone because I don't want anything to end like the hurricane.
"In my prayers, I prayed for God to let me be with you. He made me the tree that is at the pathway that you walk by everyday. I see you walk by, holding the hand of another guy. My dear, the falling leaves are not the signs of autumn and romance, its just the fragments of my breaking heart."
To the girl that left something in me: I thank you for making me who I am today. Yes, I did hate you before, I hate you for taking my guts away to love anyone again. I only got paranoid because I care too much. Well, now I've learn to not smother someone like I did.
Maybe its this time that a boy change to a man. Maybe its time where leave had fallen, and the biting cold challenge my will. And pass this, it will be spring. I will start blooming flowers, and soon, I will bear fruits. My children. They are gonna experience the same thing as I did, and I, promise to be a father than the one I have, will have this very post to tell them what I have been through. I've never regretted being me and I never will.
Its 2am now and everyones asleep. Now I can finally cry without a care. This is the time when you have to let everything out at one go. Its now or never.
Enjoying: tang yuan! (love)
Hi once again. Here to rant about stuff. Feeling SO much again at 1:32. I really love this blog. I can talk about stuff I have never told before to anyone. Its like my little exposed secret diary. I don't post bout stuff I do with my pals, with my nerfers and with my computer but I do post what I feel. It's after midnight and well, its usually my time of the day, or night, when I'm not sleeping, that I look around me. In the home I've stayed in for 17 years. In the pictures in my picture album. My mother, my father I once knew, my granny and her now. My great-aunt and how she is now. Kinda brings the sour to my nose to realise how much I've let slipped by.
Well, grammy's watching TV and I'm here posting this. Still, I can't help shedding tears. Her aged face only can age even further. Her hands coarse from all the chores, the time she hugged me when I cry alone in my room. The times she yelled at me for leaving my light on after I went to the bathroom. I start to want them back. Grand aunt. The one that dotes me the most yet gets on my nerve the most. I know she nag and ask all too much question because she cares for me, but I can't help but lose it at her sometimes. I feel really apologetic. Mom. A strong 36 year old lady that single handedly raised a kid. Shes sleeping now but I so wish she could just give me one tight embrace right now. I miss the time she would play with me and sing me songs so as to stop me from crying. Seeing her coming home every night with the super tired look, I wanna hug her and tell her "mom, thank you for everything. I love you." its just these simple words yet I feel so hard to let them out. If my teeth are bars from the cells, I would willingly take them all out. Dad. You're a fucking jerk but yes, I miss you. I miss the time you would sit around in the living room with me, watching TV, telling me to work hard to be a member of the SWAT. I am working on it.. I'll show you I can do it. I'll get into the SWAT, I'll get into the Spetznaz, I will get into the SAS. I will prove it to you that without you, I'm still the Man you wanted me to be. And I really do feel like breaking your face for the number of times you made Mom cry. When I left the home we once shared, trust me, I kept looking back. I wish you would race out and hold mom's hand and tell her to not leave you. And that you promise to be a better man.
I will never get closer to my family ever. As it is broken, I wanna break free. I'm no longer a kid. I wanna strike it out on my own.
Enough of family. Thinking about the one that I adore the most. You, girl. You.. I always hope to see you online when ever I get online at 1.00 PM. You have your life yes but I really miss talking to you. You never cease to cheer me up. Even a simple smiling emoticon will make me smile ever so much, ever so hard. You weren't talking much to me yesterday, and I've got to admit. I got paranoid. I got sad. But oh well. Theres a stigma in me after the previous episode I had with another girl that left her prints in my life. I'm afraid to start anything with anyone because I don't want anything to end like the hurricane.
"In my prayers, I prayed for God to let me be with you. He made me the tree that is at the pathway that you walk by everyday. I see you walk by, holding the hand of another guy. My dear, the falling leaves are not the signs of autumn and romance, its just the fragments of my breaking heart."
To the girl that left something in me: I thank you for making me who I am today. Yes, I did hate you before, I hate you for taking my guts away to love anyone again. I only got paranoid because I care too much. Well, now I've learn to not smother someone like I did.
Maybe its this time that a boy change to a man. Maybe its time where leave had fallen, and the biting cold challenge my will. And pass this, it will be spring. I will start blooming flowers, and soon, I will bear fruits. My children. They are gonna experience the same thing as I did, and I, promise to be a father than the one I have, will have this very post to tell them what I have been through. I've never regretted being me and I never will.
Its 2am now and everyones asleep. Now I can finally cry without a care. This is the time when you have to let everything out at one go. Its now or never.
God.
Mood: Cold and lonesome.
Dear readers,
I apologise for not having any poetry posted up.. Indeed, there are no good reads here but I certainly hope my writting, written with emotion and realisation, will be appreciated by someone.
I spend the entire night awake, looking through my new scope at the sky. No, its not a telescope, but a hunting scope. Well, if you want to, I'm gonna shoot the moon down for you, But it is if only you were to say okay to my proposal that I might give anytime.
Sorry for the all too emotional posts. Waking up all night thinking about stuff can really make one feel a lot more than he should.
Have you ever felt that God was being unfair to you? Have you ever stayed up for 2 days, thinking about anything else other than feeling fine, sleep at night and hoping to hold the hand of the one you love everyday? After watching 海派甜心, I really feel that we should really send a petition to God and request for him to let us write a script of our own life so as to let us live our lives as a really happy and carefree person. Rejection is fine but knowing the fact that she might just walk away from you for good, it makes you wanna put a bullet in your own head and end it all.
"If you want to dump someone, you've got to be able to withstand the pain and terror of being dumped." These words means so much to me. I am sorry for what I had done to you before, and I've learnt my lesson. I have quit being a philantrophist for a long time but somehow, fate, God and other power of an upper level is punishing me so hard.
"For as long as you like someone, you'll take an equal time to forget." Yet another quote that touched me. Its been more than a year now. You should've forgotten about me. If you haven't I'm always here. Come talk to me. I'm always here. End this misery for me. Tell Cupid that I've had my punishment. Please. Just end it for me.
How long has it been since you've talk to someone about your problems? No. Not someone.. Yourself. For me, its every now and then when I feel sad and stuff. But never as frequently as these 2 weeks. Maybe I'm being self sympathetic. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But how often do you feel that your miserable not when you want to, but when it comes knocking? I've fallen for someone I shouldn't and it really makes it feel like someone's dripping vinegar into my heart. How can I move on? Maybe I can never.
Alright. Sorry for the rant but its because I really need an outlet. And I would really wish that you would share with me your experience so as to let myself grow up. Just comment on my post!
Love,
Alfie.
Dear readers,
I apologise for not having any poetry posted up.. Indeed, there are no good reads here but I certainly hope my writting, written with emotion and realisation, will be appreciated by someone.
I spend the entire night awake, looking through my new scope at the sky. No, its not a telescope, but a hunting scope. Well, if you want to, I'm gonna shoot the moon down for you, But it is if only you were to say okay to my proposal that I might give anytime.
Sorry for the all too emotional posts. Waking up all night thinking about stuff can really make one feel a lot more than he should.
Have you ever felt that God was being unfair to you? Have you ever stayed up for 2 days, thinking about anything else other than feeling fine, sleep at night and hoping to hold the hand of the one you love everyday? After watching 海派甜心, I really feel that we should really send a petition to God and request for him to let us write a script of our own life so as to let us live our lives as a really happy and carefree person. Rejection is fine but knowing the fact that she might just walk away from you for good, it makes you wanna put a bullet in your own head and end it all.
"If you want to dump someone, you've got to be able to withstand the pain and terror of being dumped." These words means so much to me. I am sorry for what I had done to you before, and I've learnt my lesson. I have quit being a philantrophist for a long time but somehow, fate, God and other power of an upper level is punishing me so hard.
"For as long as you like someone, you'll take an equal time to forget." Yet another quote that touched me. Its been more than a year now. You should've forgotten about me. If you haven't I'm always here. Come talk to me. I'm always here. End this misery for me. Tell Cupid that I've had my punishment. Please. Just end it for me.
How long has it been since you've talk to someone about your problems? No. Not someone.. Yourself. For me, its every now and then when I feel sad and stuff. But never as frequently as these 2 weeks. Maybe I'm being self sympathetic. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But how often do you feel that your miserable not when you want to, but when it comes knocking? I've fallen for someone I shouldn't and it really makes it feel like someone's dripping vinegar into my heart. How can I move on? Maybe I can never.
Alright. Sorry for the rant but its because I really need an outlet. And I would really wish that you would share with me your experience so as to let myself grow up. Just comment on my post!
Love,
Alfie.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
hmmm yea.. perhaps.
Mood: Feeling excited, yet bored and tired.
Hey readers! As usual, mornings, when you're at home, is indeed boring as ABC. But since I'm gonna shoot some foos' later, I'm sorta excited! Yeppers. Been awhile since I've wrote any good stuff here on in my Tumblr. Yep. I promise updates tonight! Leave me a tag, people :)
Hey readers! As usual, mornings, when you're at home, is indeed boring as ABC. But since I'm gonna shoot some foos' later, I'm sorta excited! Yeppers. Been awhile since I've wrote any good stuff here on in my Tumblr. Yep. I promise updates tonight! Leave me a tag, people :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
WAH LAO WEH! 'CHER!
Mood: Fucking pissed off. Diana Goh must be punished! (Ain't afraid of you authorities gettin' me. We're living in a free world)
Enjoying: Bossa Nova and Kopi with no suger.
Good evening dear readers. School fucking sucks ttm. Especially my fucking maths. Mother fucker! I did do my questions but FUCK. She gave me a big question mark. Fuck!
Anyway, it happened in the morning so yea. Now I feel better. HOHO.
And I've came up with some rhymes!
[A trip to the moon, via Mars and Venus.
Starry, starry night.
but life gripped my neck like a vice.
And I really do miss you,
right and true.
If you're going to treat me like a fool,
that just won't do.
Because I deserve better,
a better hand to hold.
a hand that will never ever turn cold.
For my passion will keep it warm,
because for you, I will take the fall.
For you, my dear,
I'll give my all.
Waking up in the middle of the night,
I've wonder why in my dreams I would cry.
My dream of flying,
soaring in the skies.
I took a leap from my apartment,
I thought it will happen.
But I slipped,
I fell,
And my death is what I smell.
And to the moon is where I would go,
Via Mars and Venus,
the route is the one and only home.
Humble home for my soul.
On, Mars the barren red land,
craters filled with blood.
And they all blend,
like a piece of art.
Venus is light years away,
But the trip is like a day.
For I am a dead man without a face.
And on Venus. The planet so hot.
Its like you, but 7 years apart.
And I thought you will be who you are.
But now I see a star in your place.
A star, far away.
A star I can see, but no touch.
but with all this I don't hold no grudge.
And to the moon is where I will go last and next,
Because even my soul is dead.
Alfie © 2009.
Permettez-y d'être connu à vous que je vous veux terriblement.
Enjoying: Bossa Nova and Kopi with no suger.
Good evening dear readers. School fucking sucks ttm. Especially my fucking maths. Mother fucker! I did do my questions but FUCK. She gave me a big question mark. Fuck!
Anyway, it happened in the morning so yea. Now I feel better. HOHO.
And I've came up with some rhymes!
[A trip to the moon, via Mars and Venus.
Starry, starry night.
but life gripped my neck like a vice.
And I really do miss you,
right and true.
If you're going to treat me like a fool,
that just won't do.
Because I deserve better,
a better hand to hold.
a hand that will never ever turn cold.
For my passion will keep it warm,
because for you, I will take the fall.
For you, my dear,
I'll give my all.
Waking up in the middle of the night,
I've wonder why in my dreams I would cry.
My dream of flying,
soaring in the skies.
I took a leap from my apartment,
I thought it will happen.
But I slipped,
I fell,
And my death is what I smell.
And to the moon is where I would go,
Via Mars and Venus,
the route is the one and only home.
Humble home for my soul.
On, Mars the barren red land,
craters filled with blood.
And they all blend,
like a piece of art.
Venus is light years away,
But the trip is like a day.
For I am a dead man without a face.
And on Venus. The planet so hot.
Its like you, but 7 years apart.
And I thought you will be who you are.
But now I see a star in your place.
A star, far away.
A star I can see, but no touch.
but with all this I don't hold no grudge.
And to the moon is where I will go last and next,
Because even my soul is dead.
Alfie © 2009.
Permettez-y d'être connu à vous que je vous veux terriblement.
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