Mood: Realization when taking a dump and the showers.
First off, I wanna thank Cedric for the good talk we had over MSN. Really appreciate that. You go, bro!
Taking a dump really gets you thinking. So its almost an essay which you guys are gonna read so bear with me and I'm sure you guys would love it. (I'm not gonna rant anything so CHILLAX!)
A person is like a tree. We all are no matter how great you are when it comes to life and stuff. We start off young, like saplings, and over time, we grow larger and taller and stronger and sturdier. But thats on the outside. You can be like me. Big and ugly and shit that you can put your fingers on, but on the inside, we're all the same. We bleed the same, our hearts beat, our system functions the same and we eventually wither and die. Sure, people have got defects and stuff but it just makes them prettier on the inside, as in their hearts. They are stronger on the inside too.
But I'm not such a case.
You see, I was raised in a broken family with no love except from my mother, who is kind of loud and outspoken and thats what I love about her. She holds no barrier when it comes to communication (I'm sorry to those I've offended due to me having inherited this trait of hers.) and because of that, people think I'm stronger than everyone else, with a better heart, a better character and stuff. Sad to say, I don't. I'm softer than everybody else, I'm more sensitive than everybody else, I am more prone to aggression and I take stuff too seriously. I hate it.
As I was saying, every one is a tree, and leaves are our patience, memories and youth. We're trees, yes but not tropical ones.
Leaves as patience: We all have patience, I'm sure this is a common agreement between everyone and there is always a force that would take them away. Sickness, grief, another person etc. Sickness takes away your "leaves" like those that affects plants and stuff. Leaves fall off the branches until a point where the plants wither prematurely and dies away and only their gardeners, for people, its their family, cry and mourn over the lost of that tree (or person). To some point of grieving, we lose our patience to everything and anything that is pleasant. We become apathetic and when we do, everyone turns askance at you and think that you're a jerk or a fucked up person. I'm sure at some point, we get it all the time. Coming to people, have you ever wonder why you dislike this person so much? That is the question I have yet to found the answer for during my dump. I'll search for it sometime else but ANYWAY, patience with people makes the leaves on the tree wear out the fastest. People pluck them off and throw them away and when the leaves are all gone, they become bare and branches will prick if the next one happen to put their hands on it. They may bleed sometimes but well, works individually!
Leaves as Youth: Youth is what we squander away every minute of our time. We can go out and live. Like now, as I'm typing this, I'm actually wasting away my youth. But it depends on how individuals see it. Like for me, my youth is spent on stuff that people deemed as a waste of time. But for me, writing is my life. So I don't think its a waste to write! Yea. People like those chao ah bengs are REALLY wasting their youth away. They think gangsterism is gonna bring them anywhere? Fuck, no! They think being loud in void decks smoking, drinking and doing drugs will bring them anywhere? Fuck, no! They are the ones that we can legally call "wasting their youth away". And the ah lians following them are all the same. Wastrels!
Leaves as Memories (and perhaps love that never turn out good.): Well, this is where the real philosophical (I think) thought is. I mean like yea! This is so true, just wait till you read it. This won't be long!
Memories are like leaves in the 4 seasons. You have spring, when it all starts blooming and they slowly sprout, piece by piece and they soon envelope you with their lushness and it continues to summer. For people (or the one you love), they can sit under your shade and it keeps them away from the harsh sun which is a metaphor for the outside threat that hurts them. You'll protect them. And autumn comes. Your leaves start to turn orange and brown. You look calm, peaceful and beautiful on the outside, but in the inside, you start to die like the leaves because you so terribly want to keep something, but they somehow aren't as pretty as you see them. And finally, comes autumn goes away and the first flake of snow falls unto earth. Winter. Everything is bare for you. You're just you. You let go of your memories and you're just standing there alone, shivering in the cold because you feel void. People that engrave their name on your stump are like scars you inflicted upon yourself. Their name will stay with you until you die.
Anyway, thats all for today. I'm gonna turn in for the night.
Stay cool and be hopeful!
xoxo
Alfie.
