Wow

Mood: I don't wanna talk about it.

Hi readers. Yes, yet another midnight post and you should know whats coming. Thank you, Willabelle and Guan, for being there for me. Unfortunately, words aren't gonna help me this time round. Its been awhile since my breakdown but this time, its rather quick compared to any other dates.

I'm scared. Really, I am... I'm afraid of spending another night alone in front of my laptop in my hall thinking about stuff. Its been really long now. When will He deliver me the answer? I am not a bad person, really. I just have a brain built to shoot words out from my mouth as and when I like. I'm blunt. I hold no barriers. Thats just me. What the fuck do you want me to be? You made me this way. I don't know. Really. Sitting up at nights thinking about those little tic-tac sized comments that strike heavy blows in your heart is really just fucking bullshit. Why do we have memories? I would sell them away if I have to. I don't want any memories because none of them had been beautiful. Ain't got a responsible mother, ain't got a loving family, ain't got no one to love. Its a bliss to be smacked across the head by your girlfriend. Its a bliss to argue with your girlfriend. Its a bliss to hug your girlfriend when she cry. Bliss... Just another simple word that I can see but not feel nor taste. Call me an epitome of pensiveness, but being single for 4 or 5 years, sitting alone and crying really kills you inside. I'm just waiting for something in me to fail and I can sleep for as long as I want. Since people say that it will be alright after a good sleep, I'm gonna have a good long one. As long as I don't have to, I won't wake up. I'll just lay sleeping. What is there to lose? Nobody's gonna cry for you. Nobody's gonna feel sorry. You're just a lost soul seeking a home. Try giving something to someone you love and have it being swiped from your hands and seeing it break in front of your fucking face. Even if he/she didn't do it intentionally. Either fucking way, its an abhorrent thing.

"Hey, Alfie, I really am envious of you. Ain't got a worry about a girl. Man, I wish I was single."

Hey fuckface, listen up. You ain't got a clue how much tear I have shed just because I was alone for fucking 5 years. You wanna swap roles? You wanna stay single for 5 years? You wanna shed so much tear you can fucking water the padi field? Well fuck you, little pussy wanker. I'd rather quarrel with my girlfriend and cry over it than to sit here, blogging about how fucking much I want to have a fucking girlfriend. Abhorrent little fucking wanker. Try getting rejected over and over and over and over and over and over fucking again.

Fuck you, wanker.

Alfie

WEE

Mood: Welcoming, curious and warm.

Good evening, everyone! Gosh its been a real busy week and finally I can sit down and blog about stuff! Goodness! As usual, Ups and Downs but the Up side is pretty much enjoyable!

So Ups: It was NerfSG's first anniversary! Oh my goodness! Happy birthday NerfSG. and just for you info, its a community based in singapore for enthusiast on Nerf Guns, which are toys from Hasbro. Don't get me wrong! I'm not playing with toys, I'm playing with GUNS! :D and also, HAPPY 22, SPARTY! Yea. Its James, aka Spartan's birthday on 16th too! Coincidence much x) For the record, I'm believing in God (finally) I mean, I need answers and only He can deliver them to me. I mean, I don't really know it yet but well, he should.

Downs: ahh! Typical bullshit. Got rejected again and my granny just FUCKING framed me for stealing her money. I mean what the fuck, right? To think I've been such a nice chap to be running errands for her. I don't even fucking get a dime for whatever I do, and if I were to steal. I wouldn't just take fifty sorry bucks would I? Fuck I can't believe man. 18 years we've been living together and she doesn't fucking trust me? What the fuck? So much for mutual bonding.

Sigh, rejection again! But of course the big Man upstairs will show me the light, I believe. Ever since believing in Him, I felt happier... Like I'm going to know the answer anytime. Now, I'm not trying to preach or anything, but I really think I'm sort of liberated! maybe he'll give me the answer.

"deny me, and I'll deny you from my father" now I don't want that!

Thats all for today. The end of my report!

Love,

Alfie.

You died my heart.

Mood: Feeling normal.

Hi readers! Belated happy new year (:! Went to the countdown. Fireworks was awesome but SUPER short lived, like love. So eternity is a lie. I heard from a man. Its so true. The key to maintaining a 50 year old relationship is to cheat. Cheating gets you away from someone for a period of time and of course, you have a fresh feeling every time you see your spouse again. Many may disagree with me, and I disagree with myself. I mean, how do you expect for yourself to trust yourself when you're lying to yourself? And when you can't trust yourself, how can your spouse trust you? Your just another failure in the big book of failed relationship.

You: I assume you're having a bad day with your "boyfriend". Well, if a guy makes you frown, he hasn't been doing his job, don't you think so? So why not just forget about him and come into the arm of a person that will swear his heart upon the dagger to not make you cry. I don't know if you're reading this blog. I believe you have. So how do you feel? Terrorized? Annoyed? I believe so. So what if I like you? So what? Everyone has the right to love.... Right? Or is it otherwise?

Many things are going through my head and really, its not the time to think about stuff now. I've got a portfolio to work out and I ain't procrastinating. And girl, I hope school will be fabulous for you. Need help and I'm always here.

Love,

Alfie