Hi readers. Yes, yet another midnight post and you should know whats coming. Thank you, Willabelle and Guan, for being there for me. Unfortunately, words aren't gonna help me this time round. Its been awhile since my breakdown but this time, its rather quick compared to any other dates.
I'm scared. Really, I am... I'm afraid of spending another night alone in front of my laptop in my hall thinking about stuff. Its been really long now. When will He deliver me the answer? I am not a bad person, really. I just have a brain built to shoot words out from my mouth as and when I like. I'm blunt. I hold no barriers. Thats just me. What the fuck do you want me to be? You made me this way. I don't know. Really. Sitting up at nights thinking about those little tic-tac sized comments that strike heavy blows in your heart is really just fucking bullshit. Why do we have memories? I would sell them away if I have to. I don't want any memories because none of them had been beautiful. Ain't got a responsible mother, ain't got a loving family, ain't got no one to love. Its a bliss to be smacked across the head by your girlfriend. Its a bliss to argue with your girlfriend. Its a bliss to hug your girlfriend when she cry. Bliss... Just another simple word that I can see but not feel nor taste. Call me an epitome of pensiveness, but being single for 4 or 5 years, sitting alone and crying really kills you inside. I'm just waiting for something in me to fail and I can sleep for as long as I want. Since people say that it will be alright after a good sleep, I'm gonna have a good long one. As long as I don't have to, I won't wake up. I'll just lay sleeping. What is there to lose? Nobody's gonna cry for you. Nobody's gonna feel sorry. You're just a lost soul seeking a home. Try giving something to someone you love and have it being swiped from your hands and seeing it break in front of your fucking face. Even if he/she didn't do it intentionally. Either fucking way, its an abhorrent thing.
"Hey, Alfie, I really am envious of you. Ain't got a worry about a girl. Man, I wish I was single."
Hey fuckface, listen up. You ain't got a clue how much tear I have shed just because I was alone for fucking 5 years. You wanna swap roles? You wanna stay single for 5 years? You wanna shed so much tear you can fucking water the padi field? Well fuck you, little pussy wanker. I'd rather quarrel with my girlfriend and cry over it than to sit here, blogging about how fucking much I want to have a fucking girlfriend. Abhorrent little fucking wanker. Try getting rejected over and over and over and over and over and over fucking again.
Fuck you, wanker.
Alfie
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