Realisation.

Mood: I've set my views straight.

Hello, people. I would love to thank James, who had spent a great deal of time with me listening to me whine. And don't you worry about it too much. You'll get your answer soon 'nuff. 

Well, it was a great talk and I had a great deal of thinking in the showers just now... See, I was worried today. And scared. My feet and hands were cold this evening. I hate paranoia. But with love, paranoia is always there. I'll have to embrace it if I wish to continue loving, which I will.

Well, I've straighten things out and I was thinking about a lot of things. You've given up in love, I know. But I've came too far to give up now.

Dahlia, dear. As long as you're looking for that faith you had, I'll be waiting for you invitingly to my arms. Fear not, dearest. No matter how long it takes for me, no matter how far it is for me, I'll still be waiting.  See, the nights I lay awake with my eyes glued to the ceiling, I'm thinking, I'm afraid, I'm deliberating. I wonder what should I do for you... if those things I do for you are worth it... If I should go on... I have the answer right here. I shouldn't. See, James was right. You're just torn between me and him. You'll need your time to choose. You're terribly distraught, I know. But do keep in mind that you have your choices, and choose them wisely, dear.

Sigh. I just got called hopeless and a goner by my aunt because I couldn't sleep. What the fuck is wrong with society. I fucking hate my life right now. How I wish I could end it. If it wasn't for my mother, I'd love to see y'all on my fucking funeral day. I love life, yes. But I've lose faith in life... Fuck this shit. I'm out. Fuck you, aunt. Fuck you, family.

Alfie.

Story time!

Mood: Coffee coffee wootwoot!

See, I'm here on my blog again. It was like a short 1 day break before I pop by and starts to blog. I'm smelly and I need a shower. My hair's stiff from the hairspray and stuff. Boring day but had enjoyed reading on my void deck. Feel so mat ah! Lepak at void deck! But way more sophisticated, I daresay. I'm reading a book <--- read.

So how are you, Zelly? Well you are supposed to be studying and not slacking around! But as long as you had fun and stuff, I'm happy!

Well, tomorrow's work for you and stuff and I hope that you'll not tire yourself out. All the best!

Alfie,

xoxo

Mood: am worried already.

Hello, Dahlia. 2nd post in a short time. I know you're living in a dilemma now and... I don't know what to do with you. You're telling me that you don't know but you can only know it for yourself. I cant help you dearest. I can only sit and watch you. I really don't want you to go back to him, really. You've suffered so much already. If my commitment will take you away from him, I would really swear and cross my heart to commit. Anything for you, dearest... Anything for you...

You can count on me for anything, really. Because for all I know, I am now a man capable of nothing but loving you... I am too nice to you, I know. But I can't help it. If I were any worst, you'll probably hate me already... 

Take good care and clean your tears before the boogieman comes. 

xoxo,

Alfie.

Hey

Mood: Happy and havin' a blast!

Well, as many of my lovely friend knows, I'm starting a new life in Second Life. It may sound lame and stuff, people but trust me. You'll get the bug as soon as you start to get a foothold in the game! Beautiful avatars to admire (makes you wish you're like them!), amazing live sets that people play from around the globe. Jazz clubs for you to enjoy. Mmmhmm..

Nuff said! See, I'm here to blog because the beautiful but lets her insecure get the best of her, going by the nick of Dahlia and she's a girl that had figured out the switch somewhere deep in my heart that switches my mood from Happy to Sad, to depressed and over the moon. (It goes four ways because she definitely doesn't know where the angry and fucking pissed off switch is.) 

See, sweetie you've been through SO much. And I was very sorry for the harsh words I've used when we were talking. I just want you to wake up. If I can't wake you up by shaking you gently, I would have to slap you across the face, right? Tofu, dearest you have to let go and let someone who cares and appreciate and loves you in. Let the bad vibes out and let the good ones in. Like chinese new year. Your mom sweeps the floor, and rids them from the dirt and allow all the good luck to come in. LOL! What a metaphor!

See, Dahlia, I understand how many guys are vying for you attention and I absolutely am fine with that because I know I'm the best! TEEHEE. Nah.. am actually very very scared, really. Am really scared, really. It is not that I cannot commit but I'm afraid that you can't. I don't want to wait another 3 years before we could be one because... It'll probably be too late. I'm insecured and you know that. I'm just scared. Because if I don't take your hand right now, I probably will never be able to.

WEH! NO DISTANCE AH! DON'T MAKE ME DEVELOP THE FEAR OF BLOGGING FOR YOU! Keep in mind that you are the world to me and will always be.

Twas fate that brought you to me, and it shall be fate that brings you closer. Every minute with you in my embrace is like a decade in heaven. Hugs and kisses, sweetie!

xoxo,

Alfie.

Oh?

Mood: Tired, and am asking myself many "what-ifs"

Hello, hello, one and all. It has come to the time that I will post something over here. See, I have been dedicating this blog to that special one and it has been a pleasurable one. I really do love her, you see and it pains me to have spent her poignant nights not beside her. Although we would be on the computer, it isn't at all enough. I feel incompetent. And I shan't deny that I feel that I probably shouldn't be me that is caring for you, but it should be someone else. But I'm so glad that you're reassuring me that you want me to care too. I'm really selfish so can I be the only one that is entitled to care for you? *pouts* 

Hehehe! I know how much you miss me blogging and here it is. This is for you, Dahlia. 

You have no idea how you've touched me, you know. I've never been so deeply and crazily in love before and you really have changed my life in such a drastic way that my friends don't even know who I am anymore. I hate the way I love you sometimes. I'm not getting as much attention as I had before with girls and stuff. You stole all my charm canisters away. How selfish! D:

And if you wish of my Facebook display picture to have nobody else besides you and I, take more pictures with me, okay? Your jealousy is comparable to mine so don't complain, okay? I know you enjoy me getting jealous over you and don't deny! Don't worry. Do you want my attention? I can give them all to you. you know. For you, I've taken away my mask already.

See, you've taught me how to dance, really (Not literally because, I daresay, am a way better dancer than you are when it comes to waltz.) . How to love another unconditionally, how to embrace every ounce of hurt (Please do not blame yourself for this. I'm enjoying it. SO SM!), how to ignore the other flowers that tingles my senses and entices my hormones into believing that I could seek passion of the body. You probably have heard this many many times, but have I ever told you that no person could "out-love" you like I do? I mean, take a look at the picture. Am I not always the one the supports you, in open or secretly? Am I not the one that admits that you're the most beautiful with or without that dastard rouge on? Am I not the one that secretly wish to shed some tears because when you sleep because I'm so touched by the beauty that God has created? I'm not sad at all, really. I am grateful. I am elated. I thank God everyday for our acquaintance, and subsequent blossoming of our friendship. I may be leaving, yes, but my heart is always here with you. Forever and ever will be. So I would suggest that you keep it in a box because they break all too easily.

Remember that kiss I left on your palm? Remember to take it out and embrace it in your arms. I left it there to pull you through tough times and all disasters thinkable. Yes, I will always remember that I left it there for you.

Obstacles are always there for me to cross over. No matter how tough it is, I will pull through, with or without you (ah you probably will be there forever for me right! LOL!)

xoxo,

Alfie!