Realisation.

Mood: I've set my views straight.

Hello, people. I would love to thank James, who had spent a great deal of time with me listening to me whine. And don't you worry about it too much. You'll get your answer soon 'nuff. 

Well, it was a great talk and I had a great deal of thinking in the showers just now... See, I was worried today. And scared. My feet and hands were cold this evening. I hate paranoia. But with love, paranoia is always there. I'll have to embrace it if I wish to continue loving, which I will.

Well, I've straighten things out and I was thinking about a lot of things. You've given up in love, I know. But I've came too far to give up now.

Dahlia, dear. As long as you're looking for that faith you had, I'll be waiting for you invitingly to my arms. Fear not, dearest. No matter how long it takes for me, no matter how far it is for me, I'll still be waiting.  See, the nights I lay awake with my eyes glued to the ceiling, I'm thinking, I'm afraid, I'm deliberating. I wonder what should I do for you... if those things I do for you are worth it... If I should go on... I have the answer right here. I shouldn't. See, James was right. You're just torn between me and him. You'll need your time to choose. You're terribly distraught, I know. But do keep in mind that you have your choices, and choose them wisely, dear.

Sigh. I just got called hopeless and a goner by my aunt because I couldn't sleep. What the fuck is wrong with society. I fucking hate my life right now. How I wish I could end it. If it wasn't for my mother, I'd love to see y'all on my fucking funeral day. I love life, yes. But I've lose faith in life... Fuck this shit. I'm out. Fuck you, aunt. Fuck you, family.

Alfie.