Omg.

Mood: Well, soso.

Enjoying: the smell or cold hard cash.. And Starbucks coffee (didn't know hot coffee would taste oh-so-awesome)



well, its been a nice CNY.. Money, food, going out. Whats there not to love?


Ahh.. CNY would be perfect if its not for you ): my only regret.. How I wish I could share my joy with you.

Yepyep today we had this sorta lousy celebration party in school. But our class's was the BEST-EST since we had "Yu-Sheng" thingy but without the "Yu (fish)" Safe for consumption.. Yea.

Anyway, inspirations came knocking, so I decided to compose another one..

Its called,

[She Loves Me So.

I told a lie, a lie to you.
My dear friends, here's the truth.
I thought she loved me too.
it was just a thought, nothing more.
The thought popped out, as I face the four walls.
Well, I wanted to write a story,
about my bitter-sweet history.
This affection is painful,
even when I played it by the rules.
I told myself that she loves me so,
just so I can fill this deep deep hole,
in the depths of my heart,
where the hammer strucked.

I lay my head on this wet pillow,
as I cried out my sorrow.
I thought, She loves me so.
I just want you to know,
darling dear, I love you so.
The truth hurts as we all know.
It hurt so much, it damages your soul.
As I pen this down, feeling the ache,
the ache in my heart that I can never fake.
Darling, if its not today that I'll leave,
Then tomorrow shall be the day that I won't breath.

Like the morns' sun, mesmerizing and charming,
yet sorrowful and harming.
You dazzle me with your light of charm,
and that body, I want to wrap it with my arm.
I crave for thy affection too,
I crave for the same I gave you.

Alfie (c) 2009.]


And its not everyday that I go to sleep and not wake up in the middle of it. I think of you. Everyday, dream of you everynight.

daugh!

Mood: Non-festive mood

Enjoying: History channel

Hey people! Yea. Its been 2 day since I've blogged. Things are working out fine for me if only we could start talking. Sigh. Its hard I know but, well, time will be the remedy for everything.. Except cancer.. And aids.. and... Ahh you get the picture.

Yea. I dug out some poems in my book-o-poems on thursday, I found a couple. And yes they are all composed by me!

Its known as, [Rose,Blood and sugar.

Withering rose, 

gripped by its owner,

who used to have a heart of gold.

7miles seems way too far,

on my barefeet, 

I walked through the devils arc.

Lord bestow me dagger,

Lord bestow me sword.

Victim's blood tasted not like anything,

but sugar.

humming every rhythm,

singing every note.

think of the words,

yesterday I just spoke:

"Be the note that starts the serenade,

be the desire that sets my heart ablaze

I swear, my love will never fade away."

Alfie. 2009 (c)]

J'ai besoin de ne vous aime jamais avant, le chéri

Wtf?

Mood: Pissed and sad.

Enjoying: the irritating Shop N' Save advertisement, played on loop.

Today sucked hardcore can. I mean. I said hi ok. Guess what she did? Just walked away. wtf yo! 

At least just smile or say hi right? Its not like I'm gonna pummel you or anything. Am I THAT hateable? Ok sometimes, towards teachers I am, but to HER I've always been a fucking angel. What does she want from me actually? God, tell me the answer. I'm losing faith in You once more!

Ok, lets set the the anger aside. And lets talk about poems! Yea we love poems. Right Right Right? lol..

I call this one:

Disaster Speaks For itself.

[Crashed down loudly, Like the thunder,

Flash away quickly, my heart start to flutter.

With joy, theres a price.

A price that comes with anything nice.

Life is like a joke, Its like a story,

A story written, written blindly.

Its all random crap.

Its all random plans.

God wrote them all,

all in his plot.

All and all,

our misery is His fault. 
Alfie. 2009 (c) ]

I wrote this like in school during physics.. So don't blame me for the bad language :)

burp

Mood: Daze, Tears and Beers.

Enjoying: Some alcohol to keep me in a daze. So I won't think about you, and Hawthorne Heights.

Well, Its been tiring today, I mean, its a long day, with mock exams and all. And guess what. PE after Mock Exam. And PE before MATH! How am I supposed to concentrate lol. Well, anyway I managed. Thank God. hehe. 

Well, was out having lunch with Priscilla. KFC. Shit I'm not supposed to have them! but oh well :/ what is done is done. xD

As we were waiting for time to pass, I took time and wrote a new creation.

It's: Night, Light, Life, Goodbye

[Street lights are ever so blinding,

Mythoughts of all our fun times are burning.

I woke up in the nights, those that I sleep in,

And nightmares shake me awake.

Those nightmares that keep me dazed.

I wish to die under this very light,

this bright light in this very night.

I tried to fly, I tried to glide.

But the laws of physics had denied.

Lord, oh Lord, why is she doing in my life?

I try to stab myself blind, just so I won't see her,

in the holy lights.

I run my life on rewind,

passing those times we once shared.

those beautiful moments we once had.

All I want from you is to talk to me once more.

I took a deep breathe,  let out one deep sigh.

One more breathe, before I say goodbye.

Alfie. 2009 (c) ]

{I dedicate every single creation to you. I hope you love them all.}

Mutillation is a brutal, yet beautiful art.

Mood: Like how I've been feeling for the pass weeks.

Enjoying: The company of my plushies.

21 nights, waking up crying. Miserable as hell. Oh well, thats part and parcel of life anyways.

Thank you Chunsen and Priscilla, for talking to me over the phone. Thank you. For if the both of you didn't talked to me, I would've done something silly. Thank you sabby for being my messanger. Thank you <3 

Anyways, I just took a few minutes yesterday night and wrote another poem whilst being over the phone with Priscilla.

I call this one, The reason why I lived.

[I put my life on standby.

hung my heart from a fine fine line.

I lay down in this empty room,

on it's dirt infested floor,

Thinking of the moments,

I was big big fool.

The moments I look at you,

I look away in shame,

I dare not look straight in to your angelic face.

I cry when I stand still, 

I cry when I sit.

I cry every minute,

I cry when I sleep.

I see you in my dreams,

Those dreams that make me bleed.

You are my blood, bone and sunshine,

The simple reason to why I'm still alive.

Alfie. 2009 (c)]

To You: I may not be what you dream for, but I'm making sure I will be at least half of what you want.

wow.. no no no way.. hah.

Mood: How would you feel if you've cried for an entire night yesterday?

Enjoying: The quietness of the 4 walls

Hey readers. Yea.Typical day, typical sunshine mixed with the winds. Went out with Chunsen to chill out. We talked alot. About life, about girls, about anything under the sun.. Yes even studies.. Then now, I'm all alone at home again. thats when thoughts starts playing yet again. Seeking the answers to why you're not talking to me anymore. I thank you for your 1 word text reply. 

Yea and hence. Inspirations kicked my in the butt again. I call this

[The Grey-blue Sky.

under the clear blue sky,

my heart tried to decide.

Should I let you go?

Or should I make you by my side.

Everytime I try,

To speak to you.

Even try to say goodbye.

I'd look at you,

in those dark pearl eyes.

you'd look away

You'd make my heart sway.

you hate me,yes you do.

now i've decided

I shall let this affection ended.

like the sound of the swaying trees.

like the sound of the crackling sticks

I will leave without a trace.

I will leave, today.

Alfie (c) 2009.]

In case you're reading this blog, I dedicate every single poem, every drop of tears and blood to you.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

Mood: Pathetically pathetic.

Enjoying: The joy of not having adults at home.



Long time since I blogged huh. Yea bloody hell. sucks to be me.. I saw her today.. Was at school's opposite's basketball court. Was having fun with Khairi and a new kid, and thats when I saw her. I was fucking devasted by the fact of her looking away when I tried to make eye contact with her. Wtf have I done wrong? Was it something I said? Or was it something I did? Whatever the reason, she hates me now. I feel like an utter failure. I hate myself for loving her. Ihate myself for the fact that she doesn't even talk to me now..

I miss her calling me her brother, I miss her voice, I miss her jumping around when we talk, and pouting when something happens to her. I miss the time we were still close friends. But now. Its all a fantasy I could only think about. I miss her. Utterly miss her. I tried ramming myself to death on the wall, apparently, it didn't work. Blame it on the media for telling us that we could die when we ram the wall..

Yea heres about all I wanted to say. No poems for today since I'm devastated.. Utterly devastated. last but not least, I just wanna let you know how much you mean to me, dearest.