Hi

Mood: Apathetic

Dearest readers!

Hi! Its me again. I'm at Laiguan's crib and it sure is nice to be spending the night away from home feeling self sympathetic and lonely. Of course, it started with a really terrible day. So much for a great Sunday, huh? Oh well. I woke up at 4 in the afternoon with tears in my eyes and it really sucks to sleep on a pillow soaked in tears. Terrible feeling. At least, without the one you love the most, you still know that you have your friends with you.

I just miss you so terribly. When I wanted to speak to you, you wre about to go out. And yea, of course I'm helluva fine with it but I can't help but feel a little depressed. Knowing that you're going out with your boyfriend, I can't help but sink down into my sofa and muster myself for another downpour. Its pouring today in the central-north, and it reflects my mood. A lot, I would say. Knowing that the person you love deeply is with someone he/she love but the person ain't you takes a whole chunk out of you. How you wish it would all just stop.

" When Death to either shall come -- I pray it be first to me. " - Robert Bridge 1844-1930s.

I pray the day that you would turn around and look at me and say: " Yes, I would want to be your girlfriend. " But I know it'll be an eternity and 1 day and also, it will as long as I would take to love you. Perhaps I will love you so so much longer.

It so cold tonight. Are you warm in your bed, darling? Do you need an extra blanket? Do you need another person to hold? Someone warmer with passion? I miss talking to you. I'm sorry I am a mess. I'm sorry I was stupid enough to think you would return the feeling. I'm sorry for wasting your time. If the amount of misses can be converted into cold hard cash, I'll use that money to buy you a mansion.

" I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all- Lord Alfred Tennyson 1809-1892 "



It's easier said than done. Whats it like to lose love? I can write a book on that. In short, it feels like the world is crumbling. The sky could no longer hold its mass and they come crashing down to earth, piece by piece. You could most certainly smell death when you brush across with the one you love and lost. I should move on, yes, I know but a pity. I cannot. Perhaps I don't want to. I wanna give it a try. If I never try, I'll never know. Maybe I have already seen the truth but I don't wanna face it. I'll pretend that its not here with my eyes blinded with a veil.

Nuff' said. I would wish to go to sleep now. I hope when you see this, don't freak out. I'm not an obsessive lover but I crave Thy touch.