Wowsers! It's 2:39am and I'm awake blogging. How cool is that? Well, I'm, I don't know. 2/3 through my latest book and I'm loving it so much.
I've stayed up since 5am yesterday thinking about you and those things you had said to me, those that I wanna hear and those that I don't, because they are lodged in my heart like hieroglyphs. I don't think they will disappear anytime soon. Perhaps they will still be there till the day that I lay asleep in my grave for eternity.
Not to forget the time in class where you lay you head against my shoulder. The surge of tenderness crawled down my spine made me smile and I simply can't forget the feeling. But thinking about it brings melancholy to my heart. Because that may be the only time where you're comfortable with my presence. Yes, I do treat you differently, but my heart remains the same. it will never ever change. I swear.
How I miss that weight on my shoulder that I could only wish that I could cradle in my arms. The way you nestle makes me feel comfortable, at peace. Those tears are not sorrow, but they certainly struck a chord of affectionate emotion. Those tears I shed, I shed them with a smile.
As quoted from a friend of mine, "I have a piece of you with me. And that is the memory of you." And truth be told, I actually felt for him. Such relation, huh? I'm just glad you have someone to protect you when you're at work and this lay my heart in peace. So much peace that it is actually scary. Have I no emotions now? Am I to be afraid of loving again? Am I to just forget about everything? It is too much for me to know. Just so very hard to comprehend all these thoughts.
Why does every novel have to end up with the lovers married and living happily-ever-after? That'll never come true. I do sincerely believe in fate but it has been toying with me. Do you really find it so very amusing to see me this way? I don't know.
I don't know. I'm blabbering too much. I love the way we are right now and I don't think I would want anything to change. I like being comfortable around with you. Very comfortable. The eerie peace is what I have been searching for all this time. Even if it means being friends, I'm more than glad to accept my fate. Till then, I'm going to miss that weight of your head nestling down on my shoulder, as though you are resting all your worries on me. They are never too heavy for me for my big fat shoulders to carry, never too heavy for my big fat hands to hold, because of the three words that I can never ever say to you.
I shall end my post on the lighter note that my story is up and running again! I promise scandal and much wit in the story. Do look forward to its release!
Alfie.
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