Mood: I miss your smile..
Hi!
Wow, once again, its raining. Listening to music since my aunt's always hogging to the fucking TV (roll eyes).
It's been a week now. Haven't been chatting with you. How are you? I'm just happy that you've got someone which you could most probably be holding now. What am I if I wouldn't be happy about you being with the one you love the most, right? At the same time, I can't help but want to be the one you love the most.. Guess I'm just stupid to be even want to. Look at me, a guy that isn't charismatic. A guy that has no talent. A guy that has nothing under his name. Where can you find another failure like me? You cannot.
Oh well, nothing much to blog about besides my fucking pensiveness. Sometimes, I feel like a girl. Pussy.. Working on a short story. Gonna have it posted soon. Stay tuned!
Love,
Alfie.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Hi
Mood: Apathetic
Dearest readers!
Hi! Its me again. I'm at Laiguan's crib and it sure is nice to be spending the night away from home feeling self sympathetic and lonely. Of course, it started with a really terrible day. So much for a great Sunday, huh? Oh well. I woke up at 4 in the afternoon with tears in my eyes and it really sucks to sleep on a pillow soaked in tears. Terrible feeling. At least, without the one you love the most, you still know that you have your friends with you.
I just miss you so terribly. When I wanted to speak to you, you wre about to go out. And yea, of course I'm helluva fine with it but I can't help but feel a little depressed. Knowing that you're going out with your boyfriend, I can't help but sink down into my sofa and muster myself for another downpour. Its pouring today in the central-north, and it reflects my mood. A lot, I would say. Knowing that the person you love deeply is with someone he/she love but the person ain't you takes a whole chunk out of you. How you wish it would all just stop.
" When Death to either shall come -- I pray it be first to me. " - Robert Bridge 1844-1930s.
I pray the day that you would turn around and look at me and say: " Yes, I would want to be your girlfriend. " But I know it'll be an eternity and 1 day and also, it will as long as I would take to love you. Perhaps I will love you so so much longer.
It so cold tonight. Are you warm in your bed, darling? Do you need an extra blanket? Do you need another person to hold? Someone warmer with passion? I miss talking to you. I'm sorry I am a mess. I'm sorry I was stupid enough to think you would return the feeling. I'm sorry for wasting your time. If the amount of misses can be converted into cold hard cash, I'll use that money to buy you a mansion.
" I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all- Lord Alfred Tennyson 1809-1892 "
It's easier said than done. Whats it like to lose love? I can write a book on that. In short, it feels like the world is crumbling. The sky could no longer hold its mass and they come crashing down to earth, piece by piece. You could most certainly smell death when you brush across with the one you love and lost. I should move on, yes, I know but a pity. I cannot. Perhaps I don't want to. I wanna give it a try. If I never try, I'll never know. Maybe I have already seen the truth but I don't wanna face it. I'll pretend that its not here with my eyes blinded with a veil.
Nuff' said. I would wish to go to sleep now. I hope when you see this, don't freak out. I'm not an obsessive lover but I crave Thy touch.
Dearest readers!
Hi! Its me again. I'm at Laiguan's crib and it sure is nice to be spending the night away from home feeling self sympathetic and lonely. Of course, it started with a really terrible day. So much for a great Sunday, huh? Oh well. I woke up at 4 in the afternoon with tears in my eyes and it really sucks to sleep on a pillow soaked in tears. Terrible feeling. At least, without the one you love the most, you still know that you have your friends with you.
I just miss you so terribly. When I wanted to speak to you, you wre about to go out. And yea, of course I'm helluva fine with it but I can't help but feel a little depressed. Knowing that you're going out with your boyfriend, I can't help but sink down into my sofa and muster myself for another downpour. Its pouring today in the central-north, and it reflects my mood. A lot, I would say. Knowing that the person you love deeply is with someone he/she love but the person ain't you takes a whole chunk out of you. How you wish it would all just stop.
" When Death to either shall come -- I pray it be first to me. " - Robert Bridge 1844-1930s.
I pray the day that you would turn around and look at me and say: " Yes, I would want to be your girlfriend. " But I know it'll be an eternity and 1 day and also, it will as long as I would take to love you. Perhaps I will love you so so much longer.
It so cold tonight. Are you warm in your bed, darling? Do you need an extra blanket? Do you need another person to hold? Someone warmer with passion? I miss talking to you. I'm sorry I am a mess. I'm sorry I was stupid enough to think you would return the feeling. I'm sorry for wasting your time. If the amount of misses can be converted into cold hard cash, I'll use that money to buy you a mansion.
" I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all- Lord Alfred Tennyson 1809-1892 "
It's easier said than done. Whats it like to lose love? I can write a book on that. In short, it feels like the world is crumbling. The sky could no longer hold its mass and they come crashing down to earth, piece by piece. You could most certainly smell death when you brush across with the one you love and lost. I should move on, yes, I know but a pity. I cannot. Perhaps I don't want to. I wanna give it a try. If I never try, I'll never know. Maybe I have already seen the truth but I don't wanna face it. I'll pretend that its not here with my eyes blinded with a veil.
Nuff' said. I would wish to go to sleep now. I hope when you see this, don't freak out. I'm not an obsessive lover but I crave Thy touch.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Awesome. Nothing's going as planned.
Mood: I'm sick of tired of everything. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Greetings readers.
First of all, Merry x'mas, be it a good one or a fucked up one. Its pretty awesome to know that your friends are with you when you need them. Really. It is. Guess what? Knowing that the girl you like will be there with you is an AWESOME deal. Even better than having the entire world with you. Because he/she had to leave early, you would wanna treasure every minute with he/she, right? You want to send 'em home but ignorant people will insist that they take a cheaper deal of public transport, leaving you to think "Hey! I'm suppose to send he/she home!" You really can't blame that ignorant individual, really. He's just oblivious to his surrounding.. Thats one thing thats not going as planned.
Its steamboat time! Everyone, the ones you know, the ones you don't, are crowding around the steamboat, dumping food and scooping them out of the pot. "Psst", The sound of beer cans opening resonated around. Everyone was having the time of their life. Somehow, you'll be sensing something missing. Somewhere along the way, you might have left something behind. Somehow, something is not in place. Perhaps its your wallet? No. Its in your pocket. Your phone? Its in your hands, for crying out loud. Your MP3 player? Can't be. You're listening to it. Maybe its the sight of the one you think you will get together with. Yes. This is it. Oh well, since he/she is busy, you thought, just let them be. You open a can of beer, finished it, and continued eating. Without the one you want to be with around, thats the second thing that did not go as planned.
You text them, hoping they could accompany you since everyone is not at home. You're alone. You want someone to accompany you. They tell you they have something on. You smiled and fixed another day. You waited. And they finally told you its okay to fix it at 2 days later. You feel happy. Thats went as planned.
You got home, you got on your instant messaging account. You hope to see them online, and they are. They are online, just sitting there. You double click on their list. You chatted with them and you double confirmed the date. And you felt hopeful. You feel that you will stand a chance with them and you went ahead to drop a hint, or at least to find out their marital status. You asked: "So, I assume you ain't got a boyfriend or girlfriend right?" and they replied "Sort of." You got caught off guard. You staggered. Your pupils widen. You break into a cold sweat. Then you go, sounding as happy as you possibly can: " HAHA! So I assume you're gonna be together anytime soon?" and they reply: " most probably after my exams." your world came crashing down on you. You just can't brace yourself, you fell on your knees. You tried composing yourself. You try to shake the feeling off. Too bad, they linger. Without saying goodbye, you logged off, jumped into your bed, wishing you could sleep it away. Thats the last thing that has not went as planned. You give up.
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."
Bloody as hell true! By knowing she love someone else it already could tear you apart. What more watching them do what you did with them.
Alright, enough of my shit. I'll suck it up and move on! Talk to y'all next time!
Greetings readers.
First of all, Merry x'mas, be it a good one or a fucked up one. Its pretty awesome to know that your friends are with you when you need them. Really. It is. Guess what? Knowing that the girl you like will be there with you is an AWESOME deal. Even better than having the entire world with you. Because he/she had to leave early, you would wanna treasure every minute with he/she, right? You want to send 'em home but ignorant people will insist that they take a cheaper deal of public transport, leaving you to think "Hey! I'm suppose to send he/she home!" You really can't blame that ignorant individual, really. He's just oblivious to his surrounding.. Thats one thing thats not going as planned.
Its steamboat time! Everyone, the ones you know, the ones you don't, are crowding around the steamboat, dumping food and scooping them out of the pot. "Psst", The sound of beer cans opening resonated around. Everyone was having the time of their life. Somehow, you'll be sensing something missing. Somewhere along the way, you might have left something behind. Somehow, something is not in place. Perhaps its your wallet? No. Its in your pocket. Your phone? Its in your hands, for crying out loud. Your MP3 player? Can't be. You're listening to it. Maybe its the sight of the one you think you will get together with. Yes. This is it. Oh well, since he/she is busy, you thought, just let them be. You open a can of beer, finished it, and continued eating. Without the one you want to be with around, thats the second thing that did not go as planned.
You text them, hoping they could accompany you since everyone is not at home. You're alone. You want someone to accompany you. They tell you they have something on. You smiled and fixed another day. You waited. And they finally told you its okay to fix it at 2 days later. You feel happy. Thats went as planned.
You got home, you got on your instant messaging account. You hope to see them online, and they are. They are online, just sitting there. You double click on their list. You chatted with them and you double confirmed the date. And you felt hopeful. You feel that you will stand a chance with them and you went ahead to drop a hint, or at least to find out their marital status. You asked: "So, I assume you ain't got a boyfriend or girlfriend right?" and they replied "Sort of." You got caught off guard. You staggered. Your pupils widen. You break into a cold sweat. Then you go, sounding as happy as you possibly can: " HAHA! So I assume you're gonna be together anytime soon?" and they reply: " most probably after my exams." your world came crashing down on you. You just can't brace yourself, you fell on your knees. You tried composing yourself. You try to shake the feeling off. Too bad, they linger. Without saying goodbye, you logged off, jumped into your bed, wishing you could sleep it away. Thats the last thing that has not went as planned. You give up.
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."
Bloody as hell true! By knowing she love someone else it already could tear you apart. What more watching them do what you did with them.
Alright, enough of my shit. I'll suck it up and move on! Talk to y'all next time!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Mood: Normal. Apathetic.
Hi, my fellow readers!
Just came back from supper with my gramma. Its happy to know that she has something to do to kill time other than watching TV and rotting.
On my way out to meet my granny, I saw 2 couples, a chinese - malay couple and an indian or paki couple quarelling. I don't exactly know what was going on. At the back of my head, I was thinking, "Hey, perhaps both of you should sit down and talk bout stuff instead of yelling your lungs out at each other." I mean, with a calm state of mind, what can not be accomplished? And this, again, gave me this urge to tell them: "Hey, look, people out there are more pathetic than you are, take a fucking look around and see the lost and lonesome souls that are crying."
Have you ever wondered why some hateful people can have a partner in his or her life while you simply are just sitting here in the hall, thinking about when you'll be attached and stuff. Well don't! Because he or she could jolly well be outside your door waiting, or she could be on her way to you, by somehow got lost amid the crowd, looking for your face. Don't give up. They will be here someday. Just you wait.
"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story. - 500 days of summer."
Of course, this is usually what happens in your life. But have you ever tried starting you own love story? Perhaps thats what many of us to do. Boy likes girl, girl returns feeling to boy, they kiss, they break up, they got back together. This is a script, a plot. Its a plot written halfway. Have you ever thought of it BEYOND getting back together? Like Marriage. Perhaps divorce? I don't know. Maybe humans will never be as good as God in every way. Even in scripting a story. Every of our lives are a play. And our existance is for God's entertainment.
"Tom, don't go! You're still my best friend!" - Summer, 500 days of summer.
I don't know about you, but I sure hate this sentence. I don't wanna be your best friend when I said I want to be your boyfriend. Usually, they will be your best friend, yes, but they are your best friend that avoids you. Ouch, right?
I sure hope my posts leave you thinking and I would like a response from you guys! Just leave your name and tell me what I should improve on!
Love,
Alfie(:
Hi, my fellow readers!
Just came back from supper with my gramma. Its happy to know that she has something to do to kill time other than watching TV and rotting.
On my way out to meet my granny, I saw 2 couples, a chinese - malay couple and an indian or paki couple quarelling. I don't exactly know what was going on. At the back of my head, I was thinking, "Hey, perhaps both of you should sit down and talk bout stuff instead of yelling your lungs out at each other." I mean, with a calm state of mind, what can not be accomplished? And this, again, gave me this urge to tell them: "Hey, look, people out there are more pathetic than you are, take a fucking look around and see the lost and lonesome souls that are crying."
Have you ever wondered why some hateful people can have a partner in his or her life while you simply are just sitting here in the hall, thinking about when you'll be attached and stuff. Well don't! Because he or she could jolly well be outside your door waiting, or she could be on her way to you, by somehow got lost amid the crowd, looking for your face. Don't give up. They will be here someday. Just you wait.
"This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know up front, this is not a love story. - 500 days of summer."
Of course, this is usually what happens in your life. But have you ever tried starting you own love story? Perhaps thats what many of us to do. Boy likes girl, girl returns feeling to boy, they kiss, they break up, they got back together. This is a script, a plot. Its a plot written halfway. Have you ever thought of it BEYOND getting back together? Like Marriage. Perhaps divorce? I don't know. Maybe humans will never be as good as God in every way. Even in scripting a story. Every of our lives are a play. And our existance is for God's entertainment.
"Tom, don't go! You're still my best friend!" - Summer, 500 days of summer.
I don't know about you, but I sure hate this sentence. I don't wanna be your best friend when I said I want to be your boyfriend. Usually, they will be your best friend, yes, but they are your best friend that avoids you. Ouch, right?
I sure hope my posts leave you thinking and I would like a response from you guys! Just leave your name and tell me what I should improve on!
Love,
Alfie(:
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Nope nothing.
Mood: Sour.
Enjoying: tang yuan! (love)
Hi once again. Here to rant about stuff. Feeling SO much again at 1:32. I really love this blog. I can talk about stuff I have never told before to anyone. Its like my little exposed secret diary. I don't post bout stuff I do with my pals, with my nerfers and with my computer but I do post what I feel. It's after midnight and well, its usually my time of the day, or night, when I'm not sleeping, that I look around me. In the home I've stayed in for 17 years. In the pictures in my picture album. My mother, my father I once knew, my granny and her now. My great-aunt and how she is now. Kinda brings the sour to my nose to realise how much I've let slipped by.
Well, grammy's watching TV and I'm here posting this. Still, I can't help shedding tears. Her aged face only can age even further. Her hands coarse from all the chores, the time she hugged me when I cry alone in my room. The times she yelled at me for leaving my light on after I went to the bathroom. I start to want them back. Grand aunt. The one that dotes me the most yet gets on my nerve the most. I know she nag and ask all too much question because she cares for me, but I can't help but lose it at her sometimes. I feel really apologetic. Mom. A strong 36 year old lady that single handedly raised a kid. Shes sleeping now but I so wish she could just give me one tight embrace right now. I miss the time she would play with me and sing me songs so as to stop me from crying. Seeing her coming home every night with the super tired look, I wanna hug her and tell her "mom, thank you for everything. I love you." its just these simple words yet I feel so hard to let them out. If my teeth are bars from the cells, I would willingly take them all out. Dad. You're a fucking jerk but yes, I miss you. I miss the time you would sit around in the living room with me, watching TV, telling me to work hard to be a member of the SWAT. I am working on it.. I'll show you I can do it. I'll get into the SWAT, I'll get into the Spetznaz, I will get into the SAS. I will prove it to you that without you, I'm still the Man you wanted me to be. And I really do feel like breaking your face for the number of times you made Mom cry. When I left the home we once shared, trust me, I kept looking back. I wish you would race out and hold mom's hand and tell her to not leave you. And that you promise to be a better man.
I will never get closer to my family ever. As it is broken, I wanna break free. I'm no longer a kid. I wanna strike it out on my own.
Enough of family. Thinking about the one that I adore the most. You, girl. You.. I always hope to see you online when ever I get online at 1.00 PM. You have your life yes but I really miss talking to you. You never cease to cheer me up. Even a simple smiling emoticon will make me smile ever so much, ever so hard. You weren't talking much to me yesterday, and I've got to admit. I got paranoid. I got sad. But oh well. Theres a stigma in me after the previous episode I had with another girl that left her prints in my life. I'm afraid to start anything with anyone because I don't want anything to end like the hurricane.
"In my prayers, I prayed for God to let me be with you. He made me the tree that is at the pathway that you walk by everyday. I see you walk by, holding the hand of another guy. My dear, the falling leaves are not the signs of autumn and romance, its just the fragments of my breaking heart."
To the girl that left something in me: I thank you for making me who I am today. Yes, I did hate you before, I hate you for taking my guts away to love anyone again. I only got paranoid because I care too much. Well, now I've learn to not smother someone like I did.
Maybe its this time that a boy change to a man. Maybe its time where leave had fallen, and the biting cold challenge my will. And pass this, it will be spring. I will start blooming flowers, and soon, I will bear fruits. My children. They are gonna experience the same thing as I did, and I, promise to be a father than the one I have, will have this very post to tell them what I have been through. I've never regretted being me and I never will.
Its 2am now and everyones asleep. Now I can finally cry without a care. This is the time when you have to let everything out at one go. Its now or never.
Enjoying: tang yuan! (love)
Hi once again. Here to rant about stuff. Feeling SO much again at 1:32. I really love this blog. I can talk about stuff I have never told before to anyone. Its like my little exposed secret diary. I don't post bout stuff I do with my pals, with my nerfers and with my computer but I do post what I feel. It's after midnight and well, its usually my time of the day, or night, when I'm not sleeping, that I look around me. In the home I've stayed in for 17 years. In the pictures in my picture album. My mother, my father I once knew, my granny and her now. My great-aunt and how she is now. Kinda brings the sour to my nose to realise how much I've let slipped by.
Well, grammy's watching TV and I'm here posting this. Still, I can't help shedding tears. Her aged face only can age even further. Her hands coarse from all the chores, the time she hugged me when I cry alone in my room. The times she yelled at me for leaving my light on after I went to the bathroom. I start to want them back. Grand aunt. The one that dotes me the most yet gets on my nerve the most. I know she nag and ask all too much question because she cares for me, but I can't help but lose it at her sometimes. I feel really apologetic. Mom. A strong 36 year old lady that single handedly raised a kid. Shes sleeping now but I so wish she could just give me one tight embrace right now. I miss the time she would play with me and sing me songs so as to stop me from crying. Seeing her coming home every night with the super tired look, I wanna hug her and tell her "mom, thank you for everything. I love you." its just these simple words yet I feel so hard to let them out. If my teeth are bars from the cells, I would willingly take them all out. Dad. You're a fucking jerk but yes, I miss you. I miss the time you would sit around in the living room with me, watching TV, telling me to work hard to be a member of the SWAT. I am working on it.. I'll show you I can do it. I'll get into the SWAT, I'll get into the Spetznaz, I will get into the SAS. I will prove it to you that without you, I'm still the Man you wanted me to be. And I really do feel like breaking your face for the number of times you made Mom cry. When I left the home we once shared, trust me, I kept looking back. I wish you would race out and hold mom's hand and tell her to not leave you. And that you promise to be a better man.
I will never get closer to my family ever. As it is broken, I wanna break free. I'm no longer a kid. I wanna strike it out on my own.
Enough of family. Thinking about the one that I adore the most. You, girl. You.. I always hope to see you online when ever I get online at 1.00 PM. You have your life yes but I really miss talking to you. You never cease to cheer me up. Even a simple smiling emoticon will make me smile ever so much, ever so hard. You weren't talking much to me yesterday, and I've got to admit. I got paranoid. I got sad. But oh well. Theres a stigma in me after the previous episode I had with another girl that left her prints in my life. I'm afraid to start anything with anyone because I don't want anything to end like the hurricane.
"In my prayers, I prayed for God to let me be with you. He made me the tree that is at the pathway that you walk by everyday. I see you walk by, holding the hand of another guy. My dear, the falling leaves are not the signs of autumn and romance, its just the fragments of my breaking heart."
To the girl that left something in me: I thank you for making me who I am today. Yes, I did hate you before, I hate you for taking my guts away to love anyone again. I only got paranoid because I care too much. Well, now I've learn to not smother someone like I did.
Maybe its this time that a boy change to a man. Maybe its time where leave had fallen, and the biting cold challenge my will. And pass this, it will be spring. I will start blooming flowers, and soon, I will bear fruits. My children. They are gonna experience the same thing as I did, and I, promise to be a father than the one I have, will have this very post to tell them what I have been through. I've never regretted being me and I never will.
Its 2am now and everyones asleep. Now I can finally cry without a care. This is the time when you have to let everything out at one go. Its now or never.
God.
Mood: Cold and lonesome.
Dear readers,
I apologise for not having any poetry posted up.. Indeed, there are no good reads here but I certainly hope my writting, written with emotion and realisation, will be appreciated by someone.
I spend the entire night awake, looking through my new scope at the sky. No, its not a telescope, but a hunting scope. Well, if you want to, I'm gonna shoot the moon down for you, But it is if only you were to say okay to my proposal that I might give anytime.
Sorry for the all too emotional posts. Waking up all night thinking about stuff can really make one feel a lot more than he should.
Have you ever felt that God was being unfair to you? Have you ever stayed up for 2 days, thinking about anything else other than feeling fine, sleep at night and hoping to hold the hand of the one you love everyday? After watching 海派甜心, I really feel that we should really send a petition to God and request for him to let us write a script of our own life so as to let us live our lives as a really happy and carefree person. Rejection is fine but knowing the fact that she might just walk away from you for good, it makes you wanna put a bullet in your own head and end it all.
"If you want to dump someone, you've got to be able to withstand the pain and terror of being dumped." These words means so much to me. I am sorry for what I had done to you before, and I've learnt my lesson. I have quit being a philantrophist for a long time but somehow, fate, God and other power of an upper level is punishing me so hard.
"For as long as you like someone, you'll take an equal time to forget." Yet another quote that touched me. Its been more than a year now. You should've forgotten about me. If you haven't I'm always here. Come talk to me. I'm always here. End this misery for me. Tell Cupid that I've had my punishment. Please. Just end it for me.
How long has it been since you've talk to someone about your problems? No. Not someone.. Yourself. For me, its every now and then when I feel sad and stuff. But never as frequently as these 2 weeks. Maybe I'm being self sympathetic. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But how often do you feel that your miserable not when you want to, but when it comes knocking? I've fallen for someone I shouldn't and it really makes it feel like someone's dripping vinegar into my heart. How can I move on? Maybe I can never.
Alright. Sorry for the rant but its because I really need an outlet. And I would really wish that you would share with me your experience so as to let myself grow up. Just comment on my post!
Love,
Alfie.
Dear readers,
I apologise for not having any poetry posted up.. Indeed, there are no good reads here but I certainly hope my writting, written with emotion and realisation, will be appreciated by someone.
I spend the entire night awake, looking through my new scope at the sky. No, its not a telescope, but a hunting scope. Well, if you want to, I'm gonna shoot the moon down for you, But it is if only you were to say okay to my proposal that I might give anytime.
Sorry for the all too emotional posts. Waking up all night thinking about stuff can really make one feel a lot more than he should.
Have you ever felt that God was being unfair to you? Have you ever stayed up for 2 days, thinking about anything else other than feeling fine, sleep at night and hoping to hold the hand of the one you love everyday? After watching 海派甜心, I really feel that we should really send a petition to God and request for him to let us write a script of our own life so as to let us live our lives as a really happy and carefree person. Rejection is fine but knowing the fact that she might just walk away from you for good, it makes you wanna put a bullet in your own head and end it all.
"If you want to dump someone, you've got to be able to withstand the pain and terror of being dumped." These words means so much to me. I am sorry for what I had done to you before, and I've learnt my lesson. I have quit being a philantrophist for a long time but somehow, fate, God and other power of an upper level is punishing me so hard.
"For as long as you like someone, you'll take an equal time to forget." Yet another quote that touched me. Its been more than a year now. You should've forgotten about me. If you haven't I'm always here. Come talk to me. I'm always here. End this misery for me. Tell Cupid that I've had my punishment. Please. Just end it for me.
How long has it been since you've talk to someone about your problems? No. Not someone.. Yourself. For me, its every now and then when I feel sad and stuff. But never as frequently as these 2 weeks. Maybe I'm being self sympathetic. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But how often do you feel that your miserable not when you want to, but when it comes knocking? I've fallen for someone I shouldn't and it really makes it feel like someone's dripping vinegar into my heart. How can I move on? Maybe I can never.
Alright. Sorry for the rant but its because I really need an outlet. And I would really wish that you would share with me your experience so as to let myself grow up. Just comment on my post!
Love,
Alfie.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
hmmm yea.. perhaps.
Mood: Feeling excited, yet bored and tired.
Hey readers! As usual, mornings, when you're at home, is indeed boring as ABC. But since I'm gonna shoot some foos' later, I'm sorta excited! Yeppers. Been awhile since I've wrote any good stuff here on in my Tumblr. Yep. I promise updates tonight! Leave me a tag, people :)
Hey readers! As usual, mornings, when you're at home, is indeed boring as ABC. But since I'm gonna shoot some foos' later, I'm sorta excited! Yeppers. Been awhile since I've wrote any good stuff here on in my Tumblr. Yep. I promise updates tonight! Leave me a tag, people :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
WAH LAO WEH! 'CHER!
Mood: Fucking pissed off. Diana Goh must be punished! (Ain't afraid of you authorities gettin' me. We're living in a free world)
Enjoying: Bossa Nova and Kopi with no suger.
Good evening dear readers. School fucking sucks ttm. Especially my fucking maths. Mother fucker! I did do my questions but FUCK. She gave me a big question mark. Fuck!
Anyway, it happened in the morning so yea. Now I feel better. HOHO.
And I've came up with some rhymes!
[A trip to the moon, via Mars and Venus.
Starry, starry night.
but life gripped my neck like a vice.
And I really do miss you,
right and true.
If you're going to treat me like a fool,
that just won't do.
Because I deserve better,
a better hand to hold.
a hand that will never ever turn cold.
For my passion will keep it warm,
because for you, I will take the fall.
For you, my dear,
I'll give my all.
Waking up in the middle of the night,
I've wonder why in my dreams I would cry.
My dream of flying,
soaring in the skies.
I took a leap from my apartment,
I thought it will happen.
But I slipped,
I fell,
And my death is what I smell.
And to the moon is where I would go,
Via Mars and Venus,
the route is the one and only home.
Humble home for my soul.
On, Mars the barren red land,
craters filled with blood.
And they all blend,
like a piece of art.
Venus is light years away,
But the trip is like a day.
For I am a dead man without a face.
And on Venus. The planet so hot.
Its like you, but 7 years apart.
And I thought you will be who you are.
But now I see a star in your place.
A star, far away.
A star I can see, but no touch.
but with all this I don't hold no grudge.
And to the moon is where I will go last and next,
Because even my soul is dead.
Alfie © 2009.
Permettez-y d'être connu à vous que je vous veux terriblement.
Enjoying: Bossa Nova and Kopi with no suger.
Good evening dear readers. School fucking sucks ttm. Especially my fucking maths. Mother fucker! I did do my questions but FUCK. She gave me a big question mark. Fuck!
Anyway, it happened in the morning so yea. Now I feel better. HOHO.
And I've came up with some rhymes!
[A trip to the moon, via Mars and Venus.
Starry, starry night.
but life gripped my neck like a vice.
And I really do miss you,
right and true.
If you're going to treat me like a fool,
that just won't do.
Because I deserve better,
a better hand to hold.
a hand that will never ever turn cold.
For my passion will keep it warm,
because for you, I will take the fall.
For you, my dear,
I'll give my all.
Waking up in the middle of the night,
I've wonder why in my dreams I would cry.
My dream of flying,
soaring in the skies.
I took a leap from my apartment,
I thought it will happen.
But I slipped,
I fell,
And my death is what I smell.
And to the moon is where I would go,
Via Mars and Venus,
the route is the one and only home.
Humble home for my soul.
On, Mars the barren red land,
craters filled with blood.
And they all blend,
like a piece of art.
Venus is light years away,
But the trip is like a day.
For I am a dead man without a face.
And on Venus. The planet so hot.
Its like you, but 7 years apart.
And I thought you will be who you are.
But now I see a star in your place.
A star, far away.
A star I can see, but no touch.
but with all this I don't hold no grudge.
And to the moon is where I will go last and next,
Because even my soul is dead.
Alfie © 2009.
Permettez-y d'être connu à vous que je vous veux terriblement.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Breebree free theengs!
Mood: Inspired and a little bit of sadness
Enjoying: Some special herbal tea from granny!
Hi people.
First of all, fuck school. Art was 3 fucking hours and I fucking finished in an hour and a half, and I would've spent the three fucking hours absorbing my physics.
Second, Fuck physics. Because shit never is being taught in school, and we don't fucking understand. Thank you fucking Retnam. Fuck your brains.
Alright and lastly, I've got a new poetry that I'm inspired to write like half an hour ago.
I'll be calling it "Every Drop Of Misses I've Given To You"
[ Call it sickness if you would,
call it a sydrome.
Call it wasting time if you should,
because I'm not your typical brute.
Don't even call me crude,
for this is rude.
Because for every drop of misses,
I saved them all for you.
Its like a pandemic,
its like flu.
And when I give these misses to you,
I feel the blues, blues, blues.
Autumn came,
summer left,
and we were left with memories,
memories of us as friends.
Like the water and paint,
they blend.
Like a flash storm,
it'll end.
Before I could make a sound,
before I could turn around,
you're gone.
without a trace,
like the indie lable song.
Alfie (c) .2009 ]
Et si j'ai dit que je vous ai aimés, diriez-vous oui aussi ? Cela être assez?
Enjoying: Some special herbal tea from granny!
Hi people.
First of all, fuck school. Art was 3 fucking hours and I fucking finished in an hour and a half, and I would've spent the three fucking hours absorbing my physics.
Second, Fuck physics. Because shit never is being taught in school, and we don't fucking understand. Thank you fucking Retnam. Fuck your brains.
Alright and lastly, I've got a new poetry that I'm inspired to write like half an hour ago.
I'll be calling it "Every Drop Of Misses I've Given To You"
[ Call it sickness if you would,
call it a sydrome.
Call it wasting time if you should,
because I'm not your typical brute.
Don't even call me crude,
for this is rude.
Because for every drop of misses,
I saved them all for you.
Its like a pandemic,
its like flu.
And when I give these misses to you,
I feel the blues, blues, blues.
Autumn came,
summer left,
and we were left with memories,
memories of us as friends.
Like the water and paint,
they blend.
Like a flash storm,
it'll end.
Before I could make a sound,
before I could turn around,
you're gone.
without a trace,
like the indie lable song.
Alfie (c) .2009 ]
Et si j'ai dit que je vous ai aimés, diriez-vous oui aussi ? Cela être assez?
Monday, September 14, 2009
I'm getting out of my mind.
Mood: Bewildered, dumbfounded.
Enjoying: Jazz and whiskey.
HI PEOPLE. you might wonder why I'm always indulging in alcohol. Well, you can do it too, if you have a bottle of whiskey and you have only 3 or 4 shots max everyday. Works wonder for your system ;)
okayyyyy so.. Its a monday. and I came home early. Fuck prelims. Anyway hers a little something that I sent to someone. Kinda love it.
Its untitled though. hehe
[It seemed like it was today when I realise the truth,
the truth about me, not you.
My admiration for you knows no boundaries,
and even though I know you've got him,
but I'll still think of you when the lights have dimmed.
Shake me awake from this dream,
a dream of you and me,
but I know chances of it are slim.
I asked myself,
"what would she do, what is there to lose?"
but I've always knew reality was being crude.
"Goodbye friendship, hello heartache."
these words lingered in my head.
These words haunt me on my bed.
For every dream I had,
I dreamt them all for you.
For all the dreams I kept,
I reserved them all for you.
Do not doubt this,
for all is true.
I never thought it'll start,
and I don't want this to part.
Loving is an art,
so be my canvas.
Be one of the parts.
The part that completes the puzzle,
keep these eyes hazel.
I would be your best inamorato,
but I'll be hiding in the cold.
For your every glance takes away my soul.
Grant me the wish to be by your side,
spare me the tears, don't make me cry.
I'll say goodbye to alone if you would,
I'll say I love you, a lot, if I should.
Alfie .(c) 2009.
Enjoying: Jazz and whiskey.
HI PEOPLE. you might wonder why I'm always indulging in alcohol. Well, you can do it too, if you have a bottle of whiskey and you have only 3 or 4 shots max everyday. Works wonder for your system ;)
okayyyyy so.. Its a monday. and I came home early. Fuck prelims. Anyway hers a little something that I sent to someone. Kinda love it.
Its untitled though. hehe
[It seemed like it was today when I realise the truth,
the truth about me, not you.
My admiration for you knows no boundaries,
and even though I know you've got him,
but I'll still think of you when the lights have dimmed.
Shake me awake from this dream,
a dream of you and me,
but I know chances of it are slim.
I asked myself,
"what would she do, what is there to lose?"
but I've always knew reality was being crude.
"Goodbye friendship, hello heartache."
these words lingered in my head.
These words haunt me on my bed.
For every dream I had,
I dreamt them all for you.
For all the dreams I kept,
I reserved them all for you.
Do not doubt this,
for all is true.
I never thought it'll start,
and I don't want this to part.
Loving is an art,
so be my canvas.
Be one of the parts.
The part that completes the puzzle,
keep these eyes hazel.
I would be your best inamorato,
but I'll be hiding in the cold.
For your every glance takes away my soul.
Grant me the wish to be by your side,
spare me the tears, don't make me cry.
I'll say goodbye to alone if you would,
I'll say I love you, a lot, if I should.
Alfie .(c) 2009.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
happy belated birthday, Elaina!
Mood: JOVIAL!
Enjoying: Star Movies and Whiskey for company! (because Elaina's party was so straight edged LOL)
Hoi! Yea hey. So it was likke 11.45pm did I reach home and I've decided to write a poetry for my birthday girl, Elaina!
Title's
When God Decided To Show Off.
Because he was underestimate,
he took up his pen.
He drew a figure on the paper,
a figure with tiny hands.
A girl the size of a mouse,
a girl with the heart the size of a bear.
mesmerized many,
she was proud,
Like a morning magpie,
thats how her voice had sound.
"before you is perfection," God said
"and now I lend her to you, return me on this date."
For He loved His creation too much,
and he's afraid she'll start of fade.
He wants to give her to someone,
a responsible mate.
The time will come where he will take her back,
the time she'll take her last waltz dance.
He'll show to the Angels of ranks,
how much of a success he had done in this day.
The ninth day on the ninth month of the year '96,
She made everyone feel honoured,
she made everyone feel pround.
And her beatuy will not stop until the seventh trumpet sound.
Alfie (c). 2009
Enjoying: Star Movies and Whiskey for company! (because Elaina's party was so straight edged LOL)
Hoi! Yea hey. So it was likke 11.45pm did I reach home and I've decided to write a poetry for my birthday girl, Elaina!
Title's
When God Decided To Show Off.
Because he was underestimate,
he took up his pen.
He drew a figure on the paper,
a figure with tiny hands.
A girl the size of a mouse,
a girl with the heart the size of a bear.
mesmerized many,
she was proud,
Like a morning magpie,
thats how her voice had sound.
"before you is perfection," God said
"and now I lend her to you, return me on this date."
For He loved His creation too much,
and he's afraid she'll start of fade.
He wants to give her to someone,
a responsible mate.
The time will come where he will take her back,
the time she'll take her last waltz dance.
He'll show to the Angels of ranks,
how much of a success he had done in this day.
The ninth day on the ninth month of the year '96,
She made everyone feel honoured,
she made everyone feel pround.
And her beatuy will not stop until the seventh trumpet sound.
Alfie (c). 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
To live or not to?
HI PEOPLE! ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I'VE LAST POSTED ANY THING HERE! I apologise for that! Yea. O level's catching up with us and I can't take time off to post anything. Life is going well and of course, what is life without storms?
NO STORM SHALT CAPSIZE THE SHIP WHENCE I ART THY CAPTAIN!
Yea. I've written a new one. Its called.
A Lullaby For the broken hearted.
NO STORM SHALT CAPSIZE THE SHIP WHENCE I ART THY CAPTAIN!
Yea. I've written a new one. Its called.
A Lullaby For the broken hearted.
Lessons learnt from break up are always present,
Heartbreaker will stay triumphant forever.
I tried crawling out of the debris,
and in my soliloquy,
I cried out, wanting to be free.
I told my friends I never wanted to bleed.
I only knew how much razor blades can hurt me,
never knew how much you could too.
All the times I spent on you,
all the telephone bill I spent on you,
the times I got blamed for loving you.
It never held me back,
but why girl,
why have you left?
Why have you leave me to Mr. Death?
You left me crying like a fool.
I never knew you could cry in your sleep,
I never knew how tragic it is,
to be awaken every night by your nightmare.
Girl you were in all my dreams,
being good or bad.
For the last time,
I want you to know how much you mean to me.
Heartbreaker will stay triumphant forever.
I tried crawling out of the debris,
and in my soliloquy,
I cried out, wanting to be free.
I told my friends I never wanted to bleed.
I only knew how much razor blades can hurt me,
never knew how much you could too.
All the times I spent on you,
all the telephone bill I spent on you,
the times I got blamed for loving you.
It never held me back,
but why girl,
why have you left?
Why have you leave me to Mr. Death?
You left me crying like a fool.
I never knew you could cry in your sleep,
I never knew how tragic it is,
to be awaken every night by your nightmare.
Girl you were in all my dreams,
being good or bad.
For the last time,
I want you to know how much you mean to me.
Alfie. (C) 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
..
Mood: Pathetic.
Enjoying: Suicidal thoughts
Ahh hello readers. Sorry for the irregular posts. Didn't have time to post.
Well valentines day's just around the corner.. It sucks big time.
Well. I need some inspiration. So I'll postpone the poem to some other time. Cheers peeps.
Please tell me you love me too.
Enjoying: Suicidal thoughts
Ahh hello readers. Sorry for the irregular posts. Didn't have time to post.
Well valentines day's just around the corner.. It sucks big time.
Well. I need some inspiration. So I'll postpone the poem to some other time. Cheers peeps.
Please tell me you love me too.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
err..?
Mood: ...
Enjoying: Long Black coffee.
Sure was a long day. Been at great granny's from 12pm - 4pm. Like oh-em-eff-gee long please.
Yea of course, being in a quiet corner, memories and thoughts of what was, what wasn't,what is gonna be, and what is never gonna be. Therefore, with this equation, I got the final answer of it being another Poem. So I asked for a piece of a4 paper and a pen, and started composing. (Boy oh boy, those adults that understand English loved my poem so much. And I'm proud of it. )
This one is called,
[Till Death Do Us Part ?]
[Walking down the chapel,
Glancing down those eyes, hazel.
I swore the God,
But it's simply too odd.
I recited: "Till death, will us part."
The crowd went: "is it from the bottom of your heart?"
I woke up in an instance,
It was just a nightmare I thought,
A nightmare that made me sob.
Being a person made of tears,
I've cried for the pass 2 years.
Everyday and ever night,
that I cried,
I glance down the street,
a street full of blinding lights.
I know I'm never good for you,
I know it hurts to hear the truth.
I thought you would love me the same,
boy oh boy, I'm just being insane.
I know I could never be like him.
the perfect, perfect him.
to you he is all,
but he won't catch you when you fall.
I will my darling, I promise you.
I will stay by you.
Well, this is never new.
I'm just a phone call away always.
Dear, you are never the same,
when that day has came.
the day I told you I love you so
I thought it was nice for you had know.
Well girl, those are words from my soul.
From this last sentence, I wish you goodbye,
And it's a forever goodnight.
Alfie (c) 2009.]
girl, just talk to me again. Just call me your friend, and I can die happy. I swear.
Enjoying: Long Black coffee.
Sure was a long day. Been at great granny's from 12pm - 4pm. Like oh-em-eff-gee long please.
Yea of course, being in a quiet corner, memories and thoughts of what was, what wasn't,what is gonna be, and what is never gonna be. Therefore, with this equation, I got the final answer of it being another Poem. So I asked for a piece of a4 paper and a pen, and started composing. (Boy oh boy, those adults that understand English loved my poem so much. And I'm proud of it. )
This one is called,
[Till Death Do Us Part ?]
[Walking down the chapel,
Glancing down those eyes, hazel.
I swore the God,
But it's simply too odd.
I recited: "Till death, will us part."
The crowd went: "is it from the bottom of your heart?"
I woke up in an instance,
It was just a nightmare I thought,
A nightmare that made me sob.
Being a person made of tears,
I've cried for the pass 2 years.
Everyday and ever night,
that I cried,
I glance down the street,
a street full of blinding lights.
I know I'm never good for you,
I know it hurts to hear the truth.
I thought you would love me the same,
boy oh boy, I'm just being insane.
I know I could never be like him.
the perfect, perfect him.
to you he is all,
but he won't catch you when you fall.
I will my darling, I promise you.
I will stay by you.
Well, this is never new.
I'm just a phone call away always.
Dear, you are never the same,
when that day has came.
the day I told you I love you so
I thought it was nice for you had know.
Well girl, those are words from my soul.
From this last sentence, I wish you goodbye,
And it's a forever goodnight.
Alfie (c) 2009.]
girl, just talk to me again. Just call me your friend, and I can die happy. I swear.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Omg.
Mood: Well, soso.
Enjoying: the smell or cold hard cash.. And Starbucks coffee (didn't know hot coffee would taste oh-so-awesome)
well, its been a nice CNY.. Money, food, going out. Whats there not to love?
Ahh.. CNY would be perfect if its not for you ): my only regret.. How I wish I could share my joy with you.
Yepyep today we had this sorta lousy celebration party in school. But our class's was the BEST-EST since we had "Yu-Sheng" thingy but without the "Yu (fish)" Safe for consumption.. Yea.
Anyway, inspirations came knocking, so I decided to compose another one..
Its called,
[She Loves Me So.
I told a lie, a lie to you.
My dear friends, here's the truth.
I thought she loved me too.
it was just a thought, nothing more.
The thought popped out, as I face the four walls.
Well, I wanted to write a story,
about my bitter-sweet history.
This affection is painful,
even when I played it by the rules.
I told myself that she loves me so,
just so I can fill this deep deep hole,
in the depths of my heart,
where the hammer strucked.
I lay my head on this wet pillow,
as I cried out my sorrow.
I thought, She loves me so.
I just want you to know,
darling dear, I love you so.
The truth hurts as we all know.
It hurt so much, it damages your soul.
As I pen this down, feeling the ache,
the ache in my heart that I can never fake.
Darling, if its not today that I'll leave,
Then tomorrow shall be the day that I won't breath.
Like the morns' sun, mesmerizing and charming,
yet sorrowful and harming.
You dazzle me with your light of charm,
and that body, I want to wrap it with my arm.
I crave for thy affection too,
I crave for the same I gave you.
Alfie (c) 2009.]
And its not everyday that I go to sleep and not wake up in the middle of it. I think of you. Everyday, dream of you everynight.
Enjoying: the smell or cold hard cash.. And Starbucks coffee (didn't know hot coffee would taste oh-so-awesome)
well, its been a nice CNY.. Money, food, going out. Whats there not to love?
Ahh.. CNY would be perfect if its not for you ): my only regret.. How I wish I could share my joy with you.
Yepyep today we had this sorta lousy celebration party in school. But our class's was the BEST-EST since we had "Yu-Sheng" thingy but without the "Yu (fish)" Safe for consumption.. Yea.
Anyway, inspirations came knocking, so I decided to compose another one..
Its called,
[She Loves Me So.
I told a lie, a lie to you.
My dear friends, here's the truth.
I thought she loved me too.
it was just a thought, nothing more.
The thought popped out, as I face the four walls.
Well, I wanted to write a story,
about my bitter-sweet history.
This affection is painful,
even when I played it by the rules.
I told myself that she loves me so,
just so I can fill this deep deep hole,
in the depths of my heart,
where the hammer strucked.
I lay my head on this wet pillow,
as I cried out my sorrow.
I thought, She loves me so.
I just want you to know,
darling dear, I love you so.
The truth hurts as we all know.
It hurt so much, it damages your soul.
As I pen this down, feeling the ache,
the ache in my heart that I can never fake.
Darling, if its not today that I'll leave,
Then tomorrow shall be the day that I won't breath.
Like the morns' sun, mesmerizing and charming,
yet sorrowful and harming.
You dazzle me with your light of charm,
and that body, I want to wrap it with my arm.
I crave for thy affection too,
I crave for the same I gave you.
Alfie (c) 2009.]
And its not everyday that I go to sleep and not wake up in the middle of it. I think of you. Everyday, dream of you everynight.
Friday, January 23, 2009
daugh!
Mood: Non-festive mood
Enjoying: History channel
Hey people! Yea. Its been 2 day since I've blogged. Things are working out fine for me if only we could start talking. Sigh. Its hard I know but, well, time will be the remedy for everything.. Except cancer.. And aids.. and... Ahh you get the picture.
Yea. I dug out some poems in my book-o-poems on thursday, I found a couple. And yes they are all composed by me!
Its known as, [Rose,Blood and sugar.
Withering rose,
gripped by its owner,
who used to have a heart of gold.
7miles seems way too far,
on my barefeet,
I walked through the devils arc.
Lord bestow me dagger,
Lord bestow me sword.
Victim's blood tasted not like anything,
but sugar.
humming every rhythm,
singing every note.
think of the words,
yesterday I just spoke:
"Be the note that starts the serenade,
be the desire that sets my heart ablaze
I swear, my love will never fade away."
Alfie. 2009 (c)]
J'ai besoin de ne vous aime jamais avant, le chéri
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Wtf?
Mood: Pissed and sad.
Enjoying: the irritating Shop N' Save advertisement, played on loop.
Today sucked hardcore can. I mean. I said hi ok. Guess what she did? Just walked away. wtf yo!
At least just smile or say hi right? Its not like I'm gonna pummel you or anything. Am I THAT hateable? Ok sometimes, towards teachers I am, but to HER I've always been a fucking angel. What does she want from me actually? God, tell me the answer. I'm losing faith in You once more!
Ok, lets set the the anger aside. And lets talk about poems! Yea we love poems. Right Right Right? lol..
I call this one:
Disaster Speaks For itself.
[Crashed down loudly, Like the thunder,
Flash away quickly, my heart start to flutter.
With joy, theres a price.
A price that comes with anything nice.
Life is like a joke, Its like a story,
A story written, written blindly.
Its all random crap.
Its all random plans.
God wrote them all,
all in his plot.
All and all,
our misery is His fault.
Alfie. 2009 (c) ]
Alfie. 2009 (c) ]
I wrote this like in school during physics.. So don't blame me for the bad language :)
Monday, January 19, 2009
burp
Mood: Daze, Tears and Beers.
Enjoying: Some alcohol to keep me in a daze. So I won't think about you, and Hawthorne Heights.
Well, Its been tiring today, I mean, its a long day, with mock exams and all. And guess what. PE after Mock Exam. And PE before MATH! How am I supposed to concentrate lol. Well, anyway I managed. Thank God. hehe.
Well, was out having lunch with Priscilla. KFC. Shit I'm not supposed to have them! but oh well :/ what is done is done. xD
As we were waiting for time to pass, I took time and wrote a new creation.
It's: Night, Light, Life, Goodbye
[Street lights are ever so blinding,
Mythoughts of all our fun times are burning.
I woke up in the nights, those that I sleep in,
And nightmares shake me awake.
Those nightmares that keep me dazed.
I wish to die under this very light,
this bright light in this very night.
I tried to fly, I tried to glide.
But the laws of physics had denied.
Lord, oh Lord, why is she doing in my life?
I try to stab myself blind, just so I won't see her,
in the holy lights.
I run my life on rewind,
passing those times we once shared.
those beautiful moments we once had.
All I want from you is to talk to me once more.
I took a deep breathe, let out one deep sigh.
One more breathe, before I say goodbye.
Alfie. 2009 (c) ]
{I dedicate every single creation to you. I hope you love them all.}
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Mutillation is a brutal, yet beautiful art.
Mood: Like how I've been feeling for the pass weeks.
Enjoying: The company of my plushies.
21 nights, waking up crying. Miserable as hell. Oh well, thats part and parcel of life anyways.
Thank you Chunsen and Priscilla, for talking to me over the phone. Thank you. For if the both of you didn't talked to me, I would've done something silly. Thank you sabby for being my messanger. Thank you <3
Anyways, I just took a few minutes yesterday night and wrote another poem whilst being over the phone with Priscilla.
I call this one, The reason why I lived.
[I put my life on standby.
hung my heart from a fine fine line.
I lay down in this empty room,
on it's dirt infested floor,
Thinking of the moments,
I was big big fool.
The moments I look at you,
I look away in shame,
I dare not look straight in to your angelic face.
I cry when I stand still,
I cry when I sit.
I cry every minute,
I cry when I sleep.
I see you in my dreams,
Those dreams that make me bleed.
You are my blood, bone and sunshine,
The simple reason to why I'm still alive.
Alfie. 2009 (c)]
To You: I may not be what you dream for, but I'm making sure I will be at least half of what you want.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
wow.. no no no way.. hah.
Mood: How would you feel if you've cried for an entire night yesterday?
Enjoying: The quietness of the 4 walls
Hey readers. Yea.Typical day, typical sunshine mixed with the winds. Went out with Chunsen to chill out. We talked alot. About life, about girls, about anything under the sun.. Yes even studies.. Then now, I'm all alone at home again. thats when thoughts starts playing yet again. Seeking the answers to why you're not talking to me anymore. I thank you for your 1 word text reply.
Yea and hence. Inspirations kicked my in the butt again. I call this
[The Grey-blue Sky.
under the clear blue sky,
my heart tried to decide.
Should I let you go?
Or should I make you by my side.
Everytime I try,
To speak to you.
Even try to say goodbye.
I'd look at you,
in those dark pearl eyes.
you'd look away
You'd make my heart sway.
you hate me,yes you do.
now i've decided
I shall let this affection ended.
like the sound of the swaying trees.
like the sound of the crackling sticks
I will leave without a trace.
I will leave, today.
Alfie (c) 2009.]
In case you're reading this blog, I dedicate every single poem, every drop of tears and blood to you.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.
Mood: Pathetically pathetic.
Enjoying: The joy of not having adults at home.
Long time since I blogged huh. Yea bloody hell. sucks to be me.. I saw her today.. Was at school's opposite's basketball court. Was having fun with Khairi and a new kid, and thats when I saw her. I was fucking devasted by the fact of her looking away when I tried to make eye contact with her. Wtf have I done wrong? Was it something I said? Or was it something I did? Whatever the reason, she hates me now. I feel like an utter failure. I hate myself for loving her. Ihate myself for the fact that she doesn't even talk to me now..
I miss her calling me her brother, I miss her voice, I miss her jumping around when we talk, and pouting when something happens to her. I miss the time we were still close friends. But now. Its all a fantasy I could only think about. I miss her. Utterly miss her. I tried ramming myself to death on the wall, apparently, it didn't work. Blame it on the media for telling us that we could die when we ram the wall..
Yea heres about all I wanted to say. No poems for today since I'm devastated.. Utterly devastated. last but not least, I just wanna let you know how much you mean to me, dearest.
Enjoying: The joy of not having adults at home.
Long time since I blogged huh. Yea bloody hell. sucks to be me.. I saw her today.. Was at school's opposite's basketball court. Was having fun with Khairi and a new kid, and thats when I saw her. I was fucking devasted by the fact of her looking away when I tried to make eye contact with her. Wtf have I done wrong? Was it something I said? Or was it something I did? Whatever the reason, she hates me now. I feel like an utter failure. I hate myself for loving her. Ihate myself for the fact that she doesn't even talk to me now..
I miss her calling me her brother, I miss her voice, I miss her jumping around when we talk, and pouting when something happens to her. I miss the time we were still close friends. But now. Its all a fantasy I could only think about. I miss her. Utterly miss her. I tried ramming myself to death on the wall, apparently, it didn't work. Blame it on the media for telling us that we could die when we ram the wall..
Yea heres about all I wanted to say. No poems for today since I'm devastated.. Utterly devastated. last but not least, I just wanna let you know how much you mean to me, dearest.
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